Hello, I am a FTM and just trying to gauge if my 13 month olds awful sleeping pattern is within the realm of ‘normal’ or not….
My little boy has pretty much always been an awful sleeper. We started out with a next to me crib in our bedroom and he was never keen on it, but when he was a few weeks old he started completely rejecting it. What I mean by that is, if we got him to sleep and transferred him into it he would wake instantly and scream. We tried getting him to sleep in it by singing to him, stroking his face etc but never succeeded. We ended up resorting to bed sharing because this was the only way we could get any rest.
However, although it has allowed us to get some sleep, the amount of sleep we get is still next to nothing. I wouldn’t expect a 13 month old to necessarily sleep through the night, but my son wakes hourly (sometimes as often as every 40 minutes/ half hour) . He is breastfed and will quite often only sleep when he is latched, so the second he unlatches he wakes and screams. He won’t a dummy (we’ve tried a variety). We’ve managed to get to a point where he allows my partner to get him to sleep using other methods (stroking his face and singing to him while holding him) but he still wakes after an hour (maximum) crying and will usually only settle if I breastfeed him. He often won’t be put down as this wakes him, so we have to hold him for all sleep (day or night). If we do miraculously manage to put him down, he wakes very quickly. The other night was a ‘good’ night in the sense that he allowed my partner to settle him multiple times, but between 7.30 and 10.30pm He had still woken up 5 times to be settled. At this point I got into bed with him and he spent the entire night latched. It is worth noting that he is also an extremely light sleeper . We have a white noise machine but if someone closes a car door on our street, it usually wakes him. If someone drives down the road , this also wakes him.
Surely this can’t be normal/ healthy? I am worried I am failing him as a mum in some way by not supporting him to get enough quality sleep, but I am trying my best. We tried Ferber but he doesn’t have the right temperament for it and didn’t settle at all after an hour each time we tried and he was getting more and more distressed with every check in, so we stopped.
I use huckleberry (as well as reading his cues) to track his wake windows and can usually get him to nap but only contact naps. He goes to a childminder whilst I work but he usually will only sleep if she holds him too.
I am on my knees with exhaustion, struggling with brain fog and missing time with my partner but I have absolutely no idea what else to try / do. I am more than happy/ expect to have to spend an hour settling him to sleep each night and to have to settle him a couple of times during the night, but having to lie with him latched onto me all night long and not having a seconds break or any sleep is whatsoever is starting to really take its toll on my mental and physical health.
He was born healthy and full term, is a healthy weight, eats plenty through the day (3 meals and breastfeeds for naps). He is hitting all of his milestones, is very close to walking, is saying lots of words. He seems to be happy and content during the day (but after a particularly bad night he is visibly very tired, but will usually still refuse sleeping/ naps).
I Am writing this whilst my partner is upstairs trying to settle him. We have been trying to get him to sleep since 7.30 . He seemed tired at this point and fell asleep very quickly for my partner but woke after a few minutes and has been waking every few minutes since. It’s like he cannot get into a proper deep sleep ?!