Self settling has made no real difference

[CasaMundi]

I recently got my 13 month old self settling. I've posted about it before. Took me many months in total but the last week, getting him from going to sleep lying next to me to going to sleep completely alone was pretty easy. Initially it seemed it might be helping as he was sometimes linking the first two sleep cycles but that's as good as it's got. Mostly he still just wakes every hour. I got rid of the light projector that was helping him settle calmly. I've also moved the last breastfeed to downstairs before his bedtime routine. I feel really demoralised. Has anyone else had this experience? I've started denying him breastfeeding til 1am. Also made no difference except made settling him each hour far more difficult.

No advice but wanted to say that self settling is massively overrated and something created by the sleep training industry. My first is almost 3, and he could self settle from around 6 months old. Yet he still wakes several times a night. The self settling just means he can put himself to sleep, but he still needs that reassurance and comfort from us.

Wish I could help but just wanted to say you are doing nothing wrong. Some babies are crap sleepers no matter what you do!

My 1yo wakes every hour or two, but I barely notice as I keep her in my bed and I just flop out a boob and stay asleep. Not sure if that’s helpful!

Thanks both. You are probably right that the answer is to relax into it and accept that it will last as long as it lasts. He is no good at feeding lying down unfortunately so even feeding him involves sitting up and then hoping he'll go to sleep when I lie him down. He is regularly having a split night on top of the frequent wakes. On the cusp of dropping to one nap but can't link any sleep cycles in the day so unless I devote my life to holding him, sticking a boob in his mouth every half hour and let my 4 year old watch an awful amount of TV, he's a sleep deprived mess. Nursery obviously don't do this so he's hardly getting any sleep there. We are all so unhappy. If self settling isn't the solution I don't know what is, but this feels like failing both my children.

My 16 month old has been able to self settle for absolute ages at bedtime but still wakes up twice a night for a bottle and cuddle. Its not the magic pill everyone thinks im afraid.

The naps/nights your end do sound rough, its so hard! Not sure if you would be willing to try Ferber as gentle as you like for nights/naps to see if it helps link a couple of cycles

Sounds very tough!

Have you ever tried ‘wake to sleep’? Where you make him gently stir a few minutes before he usually would wake, to link the sleep cycles. Can sometimes prevent split night waking.

Have you ever tried feeding him while he’s still asleep? Sometimes a dream feed can keep them asleep. Also he might be able to feed lying down in his sleep as he’s not concious.

If he’ll only nap long enough being held, can you put him in a carrier to nap and take your 4yo to the park?

Sadly going to sleep independently and staying asleep are different things. Being able to do one does not correlate to being able to do the other. In my experience you could do all the things and baby will just sleep longer when they’re good and ready, in the mean time you’ll be destroying your own sanity with stress and anxiety over it.