6 week old won't settle at night

[IssyFleur]

Hi, I'm a FTM to a 6 week old little girl. Looking for any advice or tips on improving sleep and our routine. Baby girl isn't a fan of her moses basket. She generally refuses to nap in there during the day and will wake almost immediately when we put her down. She has one long sleep in her pram bassinet in the afternoons but the rest of her daytime sleeps tend to be on my husband or I. She will generally go for her first night sleep between 10 and 11pm and will sleep for 2.5 to 3.5 hours without waking. However, after this, she won't settle back down or do another stint in her moses basket.

When she wakes she has a nappy change, breastfeed and then we often top her up with a bottle of breastmilk as she has top up feeds too. She then wants to breastfeed again and will often fall asleep when feeding but her eyes ping open the minute we try to put her back down. She seems to want to just doze on me and feed when she fancies it and then doze again! I understand that this is probably fairly normal at this age but I'm just not sure how to get her more used to the idea that night is for sleeping with minimal interaction. I feel like we try to give her a good feed to fill her up but she seems to get fairly insatiable and restless every night. At the moment I attempt to settle her upstairs for around 1-2 hours before conceding and then taking her down for 2 hours until my husband comes down and we swap. She'll sleep on me downstairs, although more recently wakes herself up and wants to feed fairly regularly in this period. I know things will improve but the long stints of 4 or 5 hours awake in the night before I can get a little more rest are taking their toll and means we start our day late as I either accept 2/3 hours sleep per night in the early hours or have to catch up a little in the morning - this makes the winter days feel so short! Maybe I have unrealistic expectations of this age? But any tips or tricks (not keen on co sleeping) would be greatly appreciated!

Thanks.

I haven’t got any tips but I am also sitting up with my 6 week old asleep on my chest! We are surviving by doing split shifts - my husband has the baby until midnight and then if I’ve had a bad night he’ll get up at 5 so I can have an hour or 2 more before the eldest wakes up for the day. It’s hard and I’m hoping for more settled stretches soon… at the moment I’m lucky if I get one 2 hour stretch with him sleeping in the bedside crib!

You both have my sympathies...I found this stage brutal for sleep. I think at this age you're in survival mode and do what you can to get some sleep...ideally a 4 hour chunk and then whatever you can! Don't worry about routines and setting up bad habits, that can be sorted later. We did shifts too and also combi fed. So I went to bed soon after my eldest at 8/9pm then my DH would have the baby downstairs on him and we would swap at 1am when he would go to bed. I know you're not keen on co sleeping, but it was a progression for us to she went from only sleeping on me, to in the crook of my arm side lying, to slightly away from me co sleeping, to in her next to me bed. In her own room at 6 months and now at 15 months wakes usually once a night. It was all up and down and not as linear as this, but this was the general pattern. Every baby is different and just be led by them, trust your instincts. For us I would say it got a bit better around 8/10 weeks, then more so around 12 weeks.

I’ve just spent the last hour trying to shift him into the crook of my arm and on to the bed next to me 😅I co-slept with my DD so I’m finding it frustrating I can’t even lie down next to DS yet without him screaming to be picked back up. Sitting up in bed, not being able to lie then (or even get up to go wee!) is torture!!

Haha, glad I'm not alone! Writing this with babe asleep in my arms. I almost don't have the energy at this point to attempt to put her down again! Thanks for tips.

Sorry but at 6 weeks this is completely normal. Your baby doesn’t understand the concept of day / night and won’t for a while yet! She will also want to be with you, as that is what is familiar.

it’s absolutely brutal, the majority of mums have been there but it doesn’t last too long! Putting additional pressure on yourself to make them sleep won’t help, if you’re keeping her fed, dry and warm then she will sleep, but it might be short sprints for a while yet.

Just keep going, grab sleep whenever you can day or night!

Ahh thank you! Really helpful! This makes me wonder if we'd be better off doing longer shifts rather than just 2 hours at a time, which does feel really brutal. It definitely mentally helps to know her sleep will hopefully naturally extend/improve in the coming months too, and interesting on how you transitioned your baby to the next to me. We just don't have a separate space for sleep in the house and would feel anxious to have her in with both of us while she's so small. I have a next to me that we've not even attempted her in yet as it seems a little too large and thought she'd appreciate the cosiness of the moses basket but maybe trying her in there is another thing to consider, I guess she might feel closer to me too.

Completely normal baby behaviour. Your DD doesn’t know what a routine is, you can think about this later.

Babies breastfeed at night when prolactin is higher - this boosts supply - it’s a biological feedback loop.

I co-slept with both my boys, because it felt right. I also popped them in a sling during the day so I could get things done. Your DD will sleep on her own eventually, I promise!

Thanks all. Reassuring that this is normal behaviour and will end at some point! She's also extremely cute so that helps! I need to try and roll with it a bit more I think and not worry about systemising the nights.

Mine was just like this....we had to settle her on her side facing my boob! I know not safe sleep advice but I was falling asleep with her in my arms which felt worse, and also had to drive for the school run for my eldest. When I think back I think I was a bit traumatised by that time!

Moses basket was a waste of time for both of mine! Is your pram bassinet safe for night sleeping? If she naps there in the day she might prefer?

DS is having some latching issues so can’t comfortable nurse lying next to me. I hope as he gets bigger he can because that is honestly the only way I got any sleep with my DD until she was nearly 1!

I have the YOYO bassinet and have read mixed information online about night sleep so I'm not really sure! If it was safe, this could be a great shout as I think she does prefer it.

Is she clustering of an evening? My little boy is also 6 weeks . In the day he is feeding every 2.5 hours (approx) but between 4 and 9 he feeds almost hourly. He then does a 4-6 hour stretch feeds and another longish stretch. Fairly sure it’s because he is so full from the evening. Not sure really - I just feed on demand and he’s just been following this pattern on his own. Also he is my third so think he is super stimulated all day… and is often disturbed as I have to move him eg for school run and for activities with middle child so he definitely catches up a lot at night. So maybe try and make sure you are getting out and about in the day - which is super hard if u are getting no sleep!!! Sending lots of good luck x

Wow, that's amazing! Clever boy. She doesn't cluster feed in the evening, although did when she was younger. I feel like she's cluster feeding a little overnight when she wakes up for so long!

I feel for you - I've been there. As other people have said, this is pretty normal at this age. However, it might be worth looking at what you're doing when you put her down to sleep to see if you can encourage her to sleep better, both during the day and at night. With my first DC, I would put him down, he would immediately open his eyes and start crying, and so I would pick him up and attempt to soothe him. This resulted in a child who kept dropping off, but would rarely stay asleep for very long.

By my second DC I had learnt not to fuss so much, so I would let him cry/grumble for a bit after putting him down without picking him up or trying to interact with him, and he turned into an excellent sleeper. I've just had a third and she is the same. If she didn't settle within a few minutes I would do some gentle soothing, like stroking her head or saying "shh" over and over until she calmed. Sometimes they are just not having it, and so sometimes I give up and pick them up, but generally speaking it works most of the time.

What I've learnt is that some babies need to cry a bit before they will settle. It's like they are crying because they are tired, and the answer is to leave them alone so they go to sleep. Picking them up and jiggling them around is not helping, it's stopping them from getting the sleep they need.

I've co-slept with all of mine when they were very little, with them in a sleepyhead next to me so I couldn't easily roll over onto them. I know you said you're not keen, but it's worked well for me.

Good luck! And just remember that things change all the time with babies, so this won't last for ever.

Maybe try to keep offering boob as much as possible in the evening and encourage her to cluster?? No idea if that’s a thing 😂 totally new to this breastfeeding business and winging it!!
im enjoying it while it lasts sleep never stays the same!

@IssyFleur how did things go in the end? Currently experiencing the same, are you getting better sleep these days? 🫨