Overtired baby constantly

[Erlouise]

Hi ladies bit of a long one here sorry,
I’m really struggling with my baby getting over tired. DD is 3.5 months now and struggling constantly with her naps.
it’s not just recently it’s been going on for a while now.
she got used to contact naps so I was trying to break the habit by getting her to sleep on her own sometimes in the day so I could get stuff done. She was fine with that and would always feed to sleep. However, for the last few weeks she’s stopped feeding to sleep so I have to actively get her down for naps. I watch her wake windows ans whenever I see a cue for tiredness I’m straight in there with the rocking and the white noise, however DD just fights the sleep. she absolutely hates even a shed of light so if I’m out and about she is just wide awake until she gets into a dark room and then she’ll finally nod off. She used to sleep when I went for walks but now she’s wide awake staring at everything and then crying because she’s so tired.
today I spent about 2 hours trying to get her down after her morning bottle and she wasn’t having any of it (she’d already been up for about an hour) I had an appointment with my mum so had to drive to her house, baby usually would fall asleep in the car but fought it and cried most of the way (pulled over 3 times to try and help settle her), got to mum’s she wouldn’t sleep until I put her in a snow suit to go out to walk to our apt, and she fell straight to sleep and slept for 3.5 hours (this hasn’t happened since she was a newborn), it was so late in the day at this point that I had to wake her up to put her in the car to come home which then of course meant because I’d woken her she wouldn’t go back to sleep easy and I’ve just had another 2 hour battle getting her down which I’m going to hope is now her bedtime.
I know she is so tired but for some reason she just won’t give in and sleep. I’ve tried counting wake times and getting her down before she’s been up too long, I’ve tried waiting for cues, I’ve also tried waiting a bit longer to see if maybe I’m the problem and I’m trying too early but nothing is working. I play with her during wake windows to keep her stimulated and I’ve tried a few days of not doing much play time to see if maybe she’s getting too over stimulated but it still doesn’t help. I spoke to the HVs and they just said that as long as she’s sleeping enough at night it’s fine, but it’s not fine because when she doesn’t sleep she’s really grouchy which is understandable, and understably becomes super hard to settle.
I really don’t know what I’m doing wrong but please can the experienced mummas help me. Please go easy on me though I know she needs to sleep in the day and I really am trying my hardest so please no unkind comments about how bad it is that she stayed awake for so long between naps today…
honestly just as I think I’ve got everything down to a t it all hits the fan.

Hi OP, not much advice to offer sorry but just wanted to say I'm in exactly the same position as you right now. DD is 3.5months and is fighting all her daytime naps, it's such a struggle and each day is becoming more and more difficult. I don't even mind contact napping but she's still fighting those. So frustrating but just hoping it's a phase where she is becoming more alert to the world and would rather be nosey than napping! I hope things improve for us both soon!

Falling asleep in the snow suit suggests to me that she had been cold? Is that a possibility at all

Try the huckleberry app , it's really helped me know when my 3 month old needs naps and has helped stop him from getting overtired .
My first born was an awful sleeper and an awful
Napper too right from newborn so I do understand the frustration!

Ok I would seriously try to get a routine in place at this stage. I absolutely floundered with naps, wake windows, sleep cues etc. so I broadly followed the Gina Ford nap and feed routine. At 3.5 months I think trying for a nap after only an hour isn't going to work, more like 1.5-2 hours. It's been a while (my youngest is 8) but it was something like:
7am up for the day.
7.30 feed
9.00am nap
10am feed
11-12.30 nap
1pm lunch
Etc.
Look up GF, she gets a bad rap on here but her routines gave me something to cling on to.

So sorry, I completely understand what you're going through. My 16mo still fights sleep and is down to one 30 min nap a day now😭 remembering him at 3.5mo, he was exactly like your DD and i recall that at least one contact nap a day was needed at this point. He grew out of it around 4.5 months so I assume it was just what he needed at that point. Wake windows are tricky because mine never stuck to the ones he supposedly needed. Really hope someone comes along with the magic solution for you 🙏

stop trying to put her to sleep? they just sleep when they are ready for it at this stage. Not when the have "sleep cues" or "wake windows" or whatever. Just assume they will be awake unless they go to sleep. Mine didn't nap in the day at all

We definitely had this at pretty much exactly the same age- think it was the start of the 4 month regression. I found a sling was the only way to go, I had one with a little head cover bit and used to vigorously walk around till drifted off. It passed and by about 5/6m I was able to go back to encouraging cot naps. Could a sling work?

@Rmn21 Oh god that’s exactly the same as my LO, it’s a battle getting her down for contact naps too! She sleeps on me for the longest but otherwise it’s just cat naps if I do put her down. God forbid I need the loo, I’m actually scared sometimes to put her down because I know the consequences of another 2 hours rocking back to sleep lol.

@LapinR0se i thought that too but she did have a long sleeve vest, jumper and mum’s house was 20 degs so I thought doubt she could be cold… I did feel tempted to just put her in the snow suit at home too to get her down but I wouldn’t want to risk any overheating as my house is extremely hot!!

@sleepandcoffee thank you. I’ll give huckleberry another go, I was using it but actually didn’t entirely understand it … so I’ll do a bit more educating and then give it another go!! honestly what is with these babies not sleeping lol, I’d give anything to sleep anywhere anytime!!

@Spookymormonhelldream ohbamazing thank you so so much!! I’ll definitely be researching that during the mid night feed lol!! Bad rap or not I’ll try anything at this stage. I can’t deal with the over tiredness! I did see somewhere else a mention about a specific routine, might actually have been huckleberry’s website, but HV told me not to bother with routines at this stage but tbh I think you could be right.

@Devilsmommy oh noooo!!! I feel for you lol, all that energy and only a 30 mins nap!! Yeah me too I definitely struggle with the wake windows as she definitely doesn’t follow them how she’s supposed too!

@catagoryA thanks, I would honestly love to just leave her but she sends herself into a frenzy when she’s so over tired and definitely isn’t able to self settle or soothe yet. Probably my fault for too many cuddles!

@whyyy321 nooooooo pls don’t mention the 4 month sleep regression lol. I’ve had a fear of that ever since she was born lol!!! But I know it is due to come and I suppose it could be starting early, I hadn’t really thought too much about that as I’ve been dreading it so much I’ve tried not to think about it… as for sling, I need to give it another go as I tried before and she hated it but she was very very young so worth another try.

thanks ladies for all your suggestions and replies, I definitely have a lot to look at!! Xx

Oh no! I could be totally wrong! But if it is the regression I promise it passes and with it comes cot naps that leave you free to have a wee and a hot drink. I promise!

Definitely not too young for a routine. You can then try and plan it so she can get a good nap in a dark room which should hopefully crack her overtiredness cycle.

Overtired babies are always going to be more difficult to settle to sleep.

I like the Gina Ford routine as pp recommended.

@whyyy321 oh thank god for that lol!! I was starting to wonder if I’d ever be able to drink a hot tea again… it’s almost like her calling card as soon as that milk goes into the tea, the eyes ping open haha. Glad to know the regression is good for something!!

@SouthLondonMum22 ill definitely be starting a routine from now then. Just got some blackout blinds too to help her sleep for hopefully longer! So will see how that goes.

will be looking into Gina Ford! Thank you

Blackout blinds worked great for mine. Fingers crossed it will be the same with yours too!

For the first 6 months we were so incredibly strict with routine, and ultimately have had good sleepers (although I definitely can accept it might have been luck). It spoiled any kind of social life, but the babies responded very well.
Both ours had what we called 'second sleep', whereby they would get up 530, have 'breakfast' and then go back to bed for 90mins or so. They would then have maybe 30mins after 'lunch'. Is it possible you are misreading her sleepy clues or that you can look to extend her nighttime/morning by putting her back to bed after milk??

Gina ford routine for this age:

7am wake and milk

8.45 - 10am nap 1

10.30 milk
get out in the daylight

12.30 - 2.30 nap

2.30 milk

3 floor play

4.30 - 5 nap

5.30 half of milk

6pm bath

6.30 other half of milk

7pm bed

all naps in a blackout room with white noise and make sure the baby is warm. If she refuses the last nap on the cot do it in the pram

Hello

Sorry I can’t help but wanted to say my baby is the same and she’s now 6 months. Still fights every nap but is cranky and rubbing her eyes all day. Like you I started around 3 months to put her in the Next to Me for naps. The first 3 weeks it took between 30 min and 60min to get her to sleep (I gave up after 60 min). Then ( and now) sometimes she will go to sleep after 15 mins, sometimes she won’t. But she will only sleep for 30mins so wakes up tired. (It’s the same for contact naps).

The only way she will nap longer than 30min is if she’s fallen asleep in her pram and I carry it inside. She’s wearing her snow suit then but I unbutton it inside so her body doesn’t get too hot. If I could put her down for naps in her snow suit I would do!

My only technique to cope with this is I just try to do one nap a day in the crib, and if she’s still awake after 30 mins I get the pram out and push her round the block for 10 mins and that usually does it. I find having a time limit and a plan helps my mental health!

I also spoke to my Health Visitor who said maybe she doesn’t need much daytime sleep if she’s getting enough at night. She clearly does - she’s yawning, rubbing her eyes and really cranky. She wasn’t any help, she just said they could help with sleep training at 12 months.

interested to hear how you get on with a routine. I don’t really know how I could do that since if the routine says a 2 hour nap and she does a 10 min one, how can I follow the rest of the day?!

best of luck

@Natpat81 hiya,

oh no that doesn’t bode well for me lol. I totally hear you though, everything you’ve said is exactly the problems I’m facing at the minute!

ive been trying a routine, the biggest thing I’ve started to do is a wake time at the same time each morning (she’s usually up by then anyway it’s me having to drag my tired backside out of bed lol), and putting her down similar time each night but starting the bedtime routine at the same time each night - so bath etc.

if I’m honest, exactly the same as what you said a routine is fantastic if your baby will actually sleep. But exactly the same as me I could have all intentions to do a routine and it just goes to pot. This morning for example, we did our wake up time, nappy free time, bottle, settle for nap, down by 8:30 fantastic. But then she woke up after 30mins. I could tell she Was still tired so I tried to get her back down, she went back down on me but every time I tried to transfer her she was wide awake. Took me then another bottle and another hour of rocking to get her back down for a nap that lasted all of 20 mins.

we had baby sensory and she was so over tired that she cried the whole time. I actually left before it finished and walked round the town with her for 45 mins just so she could get a good sleep in.

from my experience at the minute, a routine would work if my baby slept. But she does so I have to follow her and when she wants to sleep… also same, HVs say oh it’s fine baby might just not need the sleep, but having 3 or 4 sets of 10 min naps and probably one or two half hour contact naps a day isn’t enough especially when baby is so tired that they’re miserable all day!!!

good luck to you too, PM me if you ever want to talk but honestly I think I’m fighting a losing battle here and I’m sort of in between stick it out and persevere with a routine and hope it gets better, or give up, contact nap for the rest of her life, and don’t move off the sofa.