3.30am wake-up call - when will it get any better??

[pinkdelight]

Sorry for the long post. Any advice or reassurance gratefully received...

My ds is just over 5-months-old.

From about 7 weeks, he sussed out day and night and slept till 7am, with a few dream feeds.

From around 3 months, he started waking at 5am, apparently needing a poo, although it didn't always arrive. With a lot of feedingand rocking, he would eventually go back to sleep.

Since 4 months or so, his wake up time has been getting earlier and earlier, coinciding with an inability to sleep as soon as he is put down in his cot.

He is now waking at 12ish for a feed, then needing up to two hours rocking until he sleeps, before waking again at 3.30am, irreversibly. He falls asleep in our arms as he is obviously exhausted, but wriggles and gasps as soon as we put him down.

Nothing seems to work (feeding, rocking, putting him in the pram, bottles, bf, earlier/later bedtimes) and we're getting desperate. I worry about dropping him or something horrible during the day because I'm so tired.

Has anybody else had the same scenario and succeeded in sorting it out? Or does it pass by six-months (I'm hoping for this so badly)?

If it's useful info, we're weaning him, but the madness started before then as I can remember we thought he might be waking from hunger and weaning might help. It seems not!

I did the same with ds, it makes no difference, so firstly I would say ditch weaning til he's 6 months.
Have you tried baby whisperer's pick up put down technique? If you are interested I can explain more. It was the only way we could get ds to fall asleep on his own without rocking. We waited til 8 months before giving it a go but it only took one very tough night and over a year later he still goes to sleep really well.
I have no answer about the early waking I'm afraid though as the little monkey is nearly two and regularly gets up at 5am

This takes me back....with my daughter is was back patting/rubbing which went on for hours...

I would guess the 2+ hours rocking are making it worse not better by making it less likely he'll be able to learn to go to sleep on his own. He prob now needs constant physical contact and movement to sleep.

So two choices? Tough it out and put him down to get on with it himself (hell but possibly short term hell - ie 2 weeks until he cracks) or just bring him into your bed and all sleep together...but be prepared that he may decide to stay for a year or two...??

Thanks for your help. I don't know about the baby whisperer technique, but am very interested to hear about it if you could explain? Should I buy his book?

You're more likely right about the rocking causing problems. So hard to do the right thing, isn't it. Perhaps this pick up put down technique will be the answer. I find it so hard to believe that he will get himself to sleep so toughing it out will be, well, very tough. But it would seem a step back to start co-sleeping now so that might have to be the answer.

Sorry - her book. Terrible to assume the baby whisperer was a man. Guess I just have the horse whisperer in my head.

Between a rock and a hard place...that's sleep problems for you!

Just don't start with a tough approach unless you're sure you'll see it through cos otherwise all ds will learn is that sometimes you have to cry for a VERY long time until you get picked up!

And not picking him up at all is prob the best bet? Go in, say "night night" and tuck him in and then leave for 5,10,15 mins (depends what you can stand) and then do it again. But I know loads of people who can't do this until they reach rock bottom (speaking as someone who breast fed 2 hourly at night until 20 months!)

I couldn't do controlled crying so found pick up put down to be much more gentle as you don't leave them alone until they are asleep.
Basically you put the baby down int eh cot and say "night night sleepy time" (doesn't matter what you say but you repeat the same every time). The second he cries you pick him up. You hold him (no rocking or jiggling) unitl he stops crying and immediately put him down again adn repeat the phrase. He will probably start crying straight away so you pick him up and do the same again. In the end they get so knackered they fall asleep in the cot by themselves.
It took me an hour and half of constant picking up and putting down the first evening. Then 45 mins in the middle of the night and 30 mins for the daytime nap the next day. Day 2 bedtime he went straight to sleep on his own and we haven't looked except when he's been ill and then I've just followed the same techinique again.
We then had a few months where we just sat in his room for 5 mins while he nodded off. We then did the disappearing chair (move the chair a few cm closer to the door every night until you end up being able to leave him alone to get off to sleep.
Very long post but I wanted to give you as many details as I could. The trick is as gagarin says you must NOT give up until they are asleep in the cot not in your arms. Teh book reckons even the worst sleepers are sorted in 3 nights.
good luck

looked back

That sounds amazing - thanks so much for your help. I'll share this info with my dh and we'll give it a try. Last night we tried everything else, from having him in with us to leaving him to cry and none of it worked so this really gives us some hope.

It won't necessarily be a quick fix though - so don't give up once you've started! Expect it to take a week or two but it will work in the end....and if you're really lucky it'll be quick like shoppingbagsundereyes!

I'd recommend the no cry sleep solution over baby whisperer and clbb though.

Thanks gagarin, will take that on board. We definitely want it to work.

What's the no cry sleep solution, piffle? Sorry if I'm being slow - verrrry sleeeepy!

any luck pinkdelight?

Why not take him into bed with you? Maximum sleep for the greatest number of people is my motto!

Don't rock him. He needs to learn to sleep on his own and stay asleep. Feed him a good big feed before you go to bed at 10 or 11. Does he suck his thumb - he needs that maybe or some other self-soothing behaviour to get him off to sleep. You can try putting him to sleep on his tummy - many babies can get themselves to sleep easier this way, and then after he is asleep 15mins or so roll him over if you are concerned, but once he is rolling himself over to get around then you shouldn't have to worry about it. Is his room good and dark? Have you tried Grobags?

my ds is the same at 6mo. he is teething so pu/pd does not work all the time as he cannot relax for the pain on some days/nights.

we do pu/pd for a max of 30mins by that time if he is not at least looking like achieving sleep or restfulness we give painkillers, and he is asleep usually within 5mins of this so we know its pain that the problem. he is a very sensative soul so we just go with the flow. he has his good and bad days. I am just hoping the teeth pop thru soon!!!!!!

Second what everyone says about not rocking. The fewer inputs the better.

Is he getting enough sleep during the day? Whenever DS has a bad patch - rarely - it's because he's not sleeping enough during the day, goes to bed cranky, remembers that he's cranky at the top of the sleep cycle and wakes up again.

You could try progressively reducing the amount of feed too, to remove the incentive to wake up.

Thanks everyone. I've had to put dealing with this on hold as he's just come down with a fever, poor little man. On the upside, the Calpol is making him less wakeful!

But as soon as he's back to normal, we'll try putting the advice into action. I've ordered the Baby Whisperer and No-Cry books from the library so i can suss the different methods and see what works. I'm sure that less rocking and reducing the feeds will pave the way forward. In the meantime, thanks for all the support. Keeps me sane!

poor little fella. Keep us posted with how you get on. Good idea to read up before you start too then you understand why you are doing each thing. Mind you the baby whisperer is occasionally bordering on bonkers - she used to get into the babies' cots!!! I would certainly break the slats

Just wanted to say how grateful I am for your reccommendation. We've been using the pick-up/put-down method for three days and nights now and it's making a huge difference. He's sleeping through till 7am with only a couple of well-spaced feeds. Amazing!!!

So thanks for the advice because I'd never have known about it otherwise and it really works.