23 month old needs lots of contact to sleep

[miffy888]

My 23 month old has never been a great sleeper, but with a dummy we were at a point where he would wake up once in the night for a bit of a cuddle and go back down within 10-15mins or so.

For his daytime nap and to go to sleep at night he is cuddled but not rocked until he falls asleep. We've tried putting him down drowsy, patting him, etc. and he just screams bloody murder and gets himself more and more worked up.

We've now taken away the dummy and he's fighting daytime naps (but eventually relenting) and is needing lots of cuddles in the night. The other night he would seem like he was asleep but wake up every time I put him down until 2 hours in I gave up and put him on our bed until I heard his breathing change then moved him back to his cot.

I don't want him to get in the new habit of not having a dummy but having hours of cuddles, but I've also tried patting him in the cot, leaving him for a few minutes to see if he'll settle, giving him a snuggly muslin and teddy - none of which seem to have helped my stubborn sleeper.

I really don't want to give in and give him the dummies back but I'm many days in now and losing the patience I need in the night to keep at it.
Any advice?

Half bumping, half looking to chat to someone in similar circs.

so my 2yo has always also been cuddled to sleep, has a dummy but also hasn’t napped now for about 4 months. We have just this last week decided to try the putting in the cot drowsy but awake, but with dummy to sleep.

she has cried being put down awake and has been asking for the chair, so I have negotiated standing up cuddles (oh the pretence of being in control), and have then been able to put her down awake into her bee to fall asleep

In our minds the dummy would be there to help soothe and relax when left to fall asleep by herself.

it might well be that youre changing two things at once that is causing issues? I know you’re there to pat bums etc but that’s not the same as a cuddle i guess.

have you read anything about getting 2 year olds to fall asleep by themselves?

my dd is my second and last and so has been babied a bit more than my eldest, who was very indepedent at this age!!

My DS was like that , I put his mattress on the floor and would lie next to him having a cuddle. When he was asleep I’d sneak out.
I only did that until he went to uni.

@Knockon We've only changed one thing so far - the getting rid of the dummy to keep him asleep, but that's resulted in far longer settling times and cuddles with the odd desperate attempt at bum patting amidst frantic crying 😣I've read things about doing the bedtime routine, which is the same as ever - bath, pjs, book, cuddle, sleep; and things like having a teddy or snuggly thing to help them, which he has and enjoys cuddling but don't seem to help with settling him off to sleep.
Most of the stuff about bum patting and lying down drowsy but awake seems like it might work on babies that can't just hop straight up and yell at you.
I don't want to resort to sleep training methods but I'm 25 weeks pregnant and know he'll need to be able to sleep a little more independently in a few months time 😔