14 month old will not sleep

[lcw23]

Hi,

Looking for some advice because I am at my wits end and I just don't know what to do anymore. My 14 month old DD does not and has never slept through the night. We've been occasionally "blessed" with 4 hours between wake ups, but more often than not, she's up every 2 hours. More recently, she's doing extended wake ups (4 hours last night). Her crying in the night has never been a quiet moan or cry. It's immediately hysterical, and in our experience of leaving her for a bit results in her throwing herself around her cot so of course we worry about her hurting herself, or there have been times where after being left for not even a minute, she gets herself into such a state that she throws up! As a result of this, we go into her cries quite quickly. I'm sure this doesn't help but let me tell you what we've tried:

Cry it out- Does not fall asleep after leaving her to cry for 40 minutes. We have hated it
Gradual retreat- we can reduce the amount of physical movement it requires from us, but as soon as we want to move to putting her in her cot awake, it's game over. She seems to always have hated cots- she has to be put in them asleep or else it's game over.
Ewan the sheep- Kept her awake
Light projector- Kept her awake
Sleep consultant- made it so so so much worse. We hate that we paid for that

We have a good solid bedtime routine- bath, story, feed, get her to sleep by whatever means is working that week. I am still breastfeeding, and that is definitely a negative sleep association now but I just don't know how to stop. She only really feeds off me at night- and she'll suckle till she's asleep (much to my resentment) or suckles for aaagesss even if it's not getting her drowsy. Take her off the boob though and all hell breaks loose.

I'm back at work now so I really can't take this any longer. She's lovely during the day, rarely seems overtired but the nights are driving me insane!! My mum has had 4 children, and has witnessed all of this, and even she doesn't know what to do.

What about a floor bed? You said she hates the cot. Breast feed her to sleep as normal and then retreat out when she goes? Or even have floor bed in your room to start and move out when ready?
I get that you might resent the breastfeeding but it isn’t a negative sleep association it’s a really affective and natural tool to help baby’s to sleep.
Hopefully you can reduce the breastfeeding gradually, good luck x

Yes we have been thinking about a floor bed- we're hopefully moving in a few weeks so would wait until then. Will have to read more into setting those up for success. Any tips from anyone would be much welcomed!

Hi there OP, I had a lot of success with switching from a cot to a floor bed. I didn't breast feed at this point but still had horrendous night wakings. Sleep isn't always perfect here now but my DD did start sleeping through 4 or 5 nights in 7, and massively improved overall, once we switched to a floor bed.

Go gradual with trying to improve things. First night took me ages to settle her because she saw the floor bed and didn't know it was for sleeping so just wanted to play on it. Cuddled her to sleep that first night and then co slept from first waking in my bed. Did that for a few nights. Did things bit by bit until I ended up sleeping on the floor next to her floor bed for a few nights. It worked in a week.

Also made it easier for me to settle her as I hated leaning over a cot.

You have nothing to lose at this point, I would definitely give it a go. I'd buy her a good mattress as well, so it feels comfy for her. And a little (safe for age) pillow.

You'll need to child proof the room as well.

Good luck. You are doing absolutely brilliantly with a very tough situation. X

We're in a similar boat here, 15 months and horrendous sleep. We've also considered a floor bed but she already has a double bed in her room (previously spare room), so we might try that. We end up co-sleeping in her room by 9/10pm every night, she tends to wake up 2-3 times in the evening and countless times overnight. Also breastfeeding, totally get the resentment there, although genuinely don't know how I'd get her to sleep otherwise.

None of that is hugely helpful I know, my eldest was very similar though and started sleeping much better at around 18 months, once the majority of her teeth had come through. I'm keeping fingers crossed...