23 month old toddler still wakes up every two hours

[newmum189]

I’m writing this in desperation!! DS is turning 2 next month and he’s never slept longer than 4 hrs stretch since birth. And this 4 hours stretch doesn’t happen frequently. That being said he wakes up 3-5 times most nights, kind of every 2 hours crying for BM. I tried to sa day wean him around 20 month but he’s caught cold which made the situation worse. So I didn’t continue the weaning process but this night waking is killing me and I started to feel bad of having him in our life. Please don’t judge me I love my DS and I pay full attention and love to him. He’s exclusive BF baby so I thought I’d nurse until 2 years. However multiple night waking is heavily disrupting my sleep and recently I’d developed back pain because of cosleep in a same position. I can feel my body and mind getting weaker. I want him to sleep better at least 6-8 hours stretch without BM. DH tried to help many times but DS is very determined to get BM where one time he screen for 30 mins before I intervened!! All these things makes me to think DS might be having some problem as he’s born small!! I do follow proper sleep routine which involves read, bath, bottle (doesn’t take more than 2oz) and BM to sleep. I was told to stop BM to sleep by HV but again strong willed DS wouldn’t go to sleep or wakes up after an hour if he didn’t get BM!! What can I do to encourage longer sleep!!

Sounds really hard OP.

I also had a BF poor sleeper but things got significantly better after his 2nd birthday.

I think some kids take time to develop better sleep patterns.

I did also stop offering him breast milk because it was getting too much for me. Big sweater and lots of cuddles when he asked for milk during night time!

Formula and carry on weaning.
18mths is way too old to be without proper food.

He's 2 and not weaned? This is a wind up.

He doesn’t need formula @Flyhigher ? My 23 months old has been on cows milk since he was 12 months. Honestly OP at this stage you might just have to go cold turkey. I cut night feeds the first week of December. It took 2 nights of him fighting it and tantrums and screams and what not. He’s slept 12 hours straight since. Just goes to show that he didn’t actually NEED the nights feeds but he was just so used to them!

Also not sure what being born small has to do with it. He’s 2 now! My DS was a 33 weeker!

I take it you mean you tried to wean him off breast milk, not that he isn't eating solids? My DD started sleeping better and through the night when she stopped breast milk. Like PP said you might just key him kick off the first night or two for him to learn no milk.

That sounds really difficult, interrupted sleep is a struggle.

Would the health visitor have any ideas? Could she refer you for sleep support?

Sorry I don’t have more ideas!

You need to engage a professional, pay for a sleep consultant and sleep train. While it's obviously brutal on you this is also really bad for your child as sleep is important for development. I'm assuming they're on solids and you just mean they also have the occasion BF, if not I'd be seeing a GP urgently, at age 1 solids become more important, and the main food source over BF if I recall

This is me.. but a year away…

I completely sympathise with you. My DS Will not take a bottle or anything! Only BF. And will not allow DH to console at night, screams and wakes up completely if it’s not me.

we’re planning to get a sleep coach, not sleep train (cry it out etc). I have a recommendation that I follow on Instagram if you want me to share link

Thank you for your comments. He’s on solid, three meals a day plus two snacks but meal times are really hard with him as DS doesn’t want to be spoon fed and throws unfavourable food. I set boundaries by taking off his plate if food gets thrown out. So recently he found a way to apply food on his head to show that he didn’t like it and say no mouth food. He’s become a picky eater since 15 months and I BF at least 5-6 times until 12 months!! At that time I was in maternity leave and it felt workable although it’s hard. I want to stop both day and night feed!!

I know you said he screamed at your husband for 30 minutes, but I think you’ll just have to let him scream. Your husband was there to comfort him, he wasn’t cold / hungry / in pain, he was just tantrumming because he wasn’t getting what he wanted. It’s awful to listen to, but that doesn’t mean you have to give in.

Yes, I do agree but he just screams calling mommy which I couldn’t bear to hear. I get cold turkey then the night feedings gets started!! And my husband isn’t very strong when it comes to DS tantrums.. We even tried with a bottle milk which got thrown away!!

Can he feed himself then? He should be able to.
How many BF feeds does he have?
2 in the day and four at night?

Does he have a good friend that doesn't BF now. Can they stay for a whole day? And can they play some messy games or something as a distraction?

Can you stay away for a night so it breaks the cycle? Realise husband will bear the brunt of it!

Can you reward him for having a cup of milk instead?

He obviously associates it with relaxing. So it's an ingrained habit. It relaxes him.

So very hard to shift.

Does he go to nursery or a child minder? He must be better there.

He feeds himself and the feeding count is similar, day feeding 2-3 night feeding 3-6 depending on the wake-ups. He’s going to nursery for 3 morning where he plays with other children. He’s friends otherwise who doesn’t BF and I am thinking to not to compare with his peers. I think I can stay away for a night just to see how he behaves with DH. Also DS becomes very clingy during nursery days, I WFH all the time so he thinks I’m always available. I’m going to follow the responses I’ve got and start with night weaning first. Thanks for your feedback

How did last night go?

The way we night weaned was going cold turkey. He did wake up expecting feeds so I went in, picked him up and rocked him a bit, put him back down. He cried everytime. I went back in after 10min, pick up, try to settle a bit, back down. I did this at 10min intervals over 2 hours when he finally gave in and fell back asleep.

Second night he woke up the same, did the settling thing, he was back to sleep in 40min.

No wakeups the third night.

It’s now been 3 weeks. It’s 5.20am and he’s been asleep since 6.30pm. He’s been waking around 6.30am.

Good luck!

I would start offering water at night rather than milk. If they are eating solids (even if some end up on their head) they don’t need milk at night. Also better for their teeth

Maybe he needs a full day once a week at nursery to help wean off day feeds. If his friend has milk from a sippy cup. He might also try it too.

Or water from a sippy cup.

Thank you all for your support. Today’s first night to night wean BM, but he woke up after two hour as usual, so husband went in to settle. Then DS woke up after hour rocking to sleep and this time I went to settle but there were lot of arcing back and crying. Then ended up nursing 😭😭. And he did not want you go to his crib that’s something we’re seeing recent days. Because DS wants to sleep in our bed, again the mistake I did due to cosleeping !! And after 10 mins of arching and not going to sleep in cot, husband came in to help and now DS is sleeping on husband’s lap. I told my husband to put DS to his cot but husband usually sleeps off with DS in his lap. I usually remind husband to put DS in his cot but recent days I just don’t feel like do that as well. It’s just husband dosing off with DS in lap is making me more angrier and I don’t want to nurse him either. So I just leave the bedroom to sleep on the couch!! . I feel like it’s never going to end and might stay away from the two of them for couple of nights to make me sober!! 😭😭😭😢😢

Where is your DH sleeping?

You need to be consistent. Did you have water ready to give to him rather than nursing him?

You need to be strong and consistent otherwise you're rewarding his tantrums and you'll prolong them as he will know that you'll eventually give in. He needs good sleep so you need to parent him -not give him what he wants. It'll be worth it. Imagine that he's screaming for something dangerous -you wouldn't just give in, would you? It's also not fair to let him cry and cry and then eventually relent, because all that crying was for nothing!! If you're consistent, within a few days he will be sleeping through. Also at the same time, ensure that he's learning good sleep habits -ie sleeping in the cot rather than on a chair.

it’s a lot for your DS to cut out night feeds and co sleeping to be fair.

i would keep the co sleeping whilst you night wean. It’s going to be awful for a few nights but sleep in a big jumper and offer water when he tries to root.

Simple phrase ‘boobies gone night nights. Boobies in morning’ or whatever language you use in your family.

Repeat.

There is a book called ‘nursies when the sun shines’ that you can adapt for him.

Yes, I’m going to be consistent tonight after having a rough night. At least I didn’t feed him when he woke up at 3am and tried to settle with singing and cuddling.. I’ll offer water tonight as planned.