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Original poster

DS will not sleep - feeling desperate!

26 replies

Newbornmum · 10/01/2024 21:58

DS is now 6 months. Ebf - DH is brilliant and helps in every way he can but obv can't split the feeds between us. All the other ladies at baby groups I go to say their babies sleep through - 6 to 8 hours or even more! I can't even imagine that and feel like I'm failing him. I'm sure it must be my fault and starting to feel really miserable about it. All the other parents seem to be able to do it. I worry myself sick it's something I've done. Waiting for perinatal mental health referral for anxiety etc but looks like it will be a while.

Does anyone please have any advice or similar experiences to share? I'd so appreciate it. Feeling really down about it and not sure what to do. He is in bed with us (following safety guidelines etc). Before we started cosleeping the sleep deprivation was unbearable. I really don't want to do any cry it out type methods - no judgement about them at all but I just know I don't have it in me to stick it out. He feeds a lot in the night. We are due to start him on solids. Hoping it might help but am a first time mum so no idea really. Thanks in advance for any advice.

OP posts:
Twimum23 · 10/01/2024 22:07

@Newbornmum im a new mum to twins they are 6 months now and at the start after about the first month or two they started to sleep from like 8-9pm till about 5-6am but now they go to bed some time but up at 12.44pm for bottle then awake at 4-5am then will sleep till about 8am ish it’s the worst timings but broke sleep isn’t the best.

Mumoftwo1312 · 10/01/2024 22:10

My dd was still waking around 3x a night at that age. We started co sleeping too, so I could just roll over, BF, then go back to sleep.

It's definitely in the range of normal so my advice is just - acceptance

Flanjango · 10/01/2024 22:12

Please don't listen to those that say how easy it is. For some it's not so and that's normal. My first was ebf and it was so hard as he barely went more than 4 hours at night whatever we tried. Only after weaning and filling him to the gills with milk and rusks at 11pm did I get more sleep.

thatneverhappened · 10/01/2024 22:16

It might not help but DD2 was EBF (still feeds twice a day) She woke up every hour got the first 23 months but since then (now 34 months) she sleeps 11 hours easily. Breastfeeding, for us, really seems to have helped with attachment and self settling

Notsuredontknow · 10/01/2024 22:17

I’m very surprised all the other mums are saying their kids sleep such solid nights and would bet at least a couple of them are just nodding along with the crowd and then going home and crying into their coffee. I have 2 DCs under 3, both entirely different sleepers but what they were doing at 6m was no indication at all for how they sleep now. My point being it’s still really early days (doesn’t feel it, I know). Starting solids almost certainly will make a difference so hang in there for that. Same with when they get more mobile and therefore tired. Honestly as a first time mum you will compare yourself to others but trust me, as tough as it is, it is completely normal to have horribly broken sleep right now, you are not to blame, you are not doing anything wrong - quite the opposite, it sounds like you’re doing amazingly

NewYearNewMeMamma · 10/01/2024 22:17

My little boy turns 6 months tomorrow. He's ebf and he's waking up every 2-3hrs for a feed (sometimes less on a bad night). As much as I'd love him to go longer I've figured it's just his routine and what he wants so go with it. I co-sleep so I find it quite easy to feed and go back to sleep with him, although I'm still terribly tired most days 😴

immchuckbass · 10/01/2024 22:21

I’ve just stopped feeding my 3 year old daughter, she never has and still doesn’t sleep. Please don’t blame yourself… I find it more strange that an ebf baby sleeps in all honesty 😂
be kind to yourself, your doing a wonderful job! X

vcetf · 10/01/2024 22:24

I've found people have different definitions of solid sleep. It might be that their babies wake but just need a dummy replacing or pat to resettle but they don't count it as there was no feed.

Don't beat yourself up

ATerrorofLeftovers · 10/01/2024 22:28

Are any of the babies who sleep through EBF?

Mummy2C · 10/01/2024 22:32

My LO is 9 months and wakes through the night. She's EBF and feeds on demand.
I think that it's quite common for breast fed babies to wake in the night.
I think those that sleep through tend to be bottle fed. I think it's completely different.

Muddlemummy · 10/01/2024 22:33

I’m much the same as @NewYearNewMeMamma . I haven’t slept through the night in 3 years. First on EBF/cosleep/now in own bed but never slept through. Second son just turned 6months and never done more than 3 hours. Sorry to not be more positive but full solidarity - drives me mad people saying they had a bad night as they ‘only slept until 5am’ or ‘didn’t got down until 8.30pm but then slept through’. Or those that say they have to actively wake up baby or toddler isn’t he morning. Green with envy esp when at exhausted breaking point but I know we’ve had it easier in other ways eg feeding, no reflux, no colic, no allergies. Try to rationalise it that way!

Autumn1990 · 10/01/2024 22:46

I don’t think the feeding method makes much difference. Bf both of mine. First awful sleeper. Second great sleeper.
You could try just you in bed with baby as that should cause less disturbance and hopefully enable them to sleep longer.
Tweak the naps so you get the longest period of sleep after 10pm. So that might mean a later nap and later bedtime With my second I put her to bed at 8.30ish as then she would sleep 4 hours and so could I to. Then she’d do a three hour stretch and that took us to morning. If I put her to bed at 7 I would get an extra wake up.
My first just didn’t sleep

Original poster
Newbornmum · 10/01/2024 23:00

ATerrorofLeftovers · 10/01/2024 22:28

Are any of the babies who sleep through EBF?

I don't know to be honest apart from one who is and was apparently a very good sleeper but now having a bit of a sleep regression.

Even the mums of the really young ones say how long their babies sleep. It mystifies me.

Thank you so much everyone for your replies and for the solidarity. He went down at 7 and has woken 4 times now. I'm especially upset about it as I've bent over backwards today to make sure he has had enough naps (will only nap in carrier/on me for the most part). Have just snapped at poor DH over it so better go and apologise... It most definitely isn't his fault. I feel like such a failure. He's feeding less in the day I notice at the moment - he just seems to be so interested in everything else. Maybe I could try taking him into a dark room for some feeds during the day?

OP posts:
Smartiepants79 · 10/01/2024 23:00

How often does he wake? 2-3 times is completely average/normal for his age. More than that is common. I doubt you’re doing anything wrong. Small babies are hard work.

Original poster
Newbornmum · 10/01/2024 23:01

Notsuredontknow · 10/01/2024 22:17

I’m very surprised all the other mums are saying their kids sleep such solid nights and would bet at least a couple of them are just nodding along with the crowd and then going home and crying into their coffee. I have 2 DCs under 3, both entirely different sleepers but what they were doing at 6m was no indication at all for how they sleep now. My point being it’s still really early days (doesn’t feel it, I know). Starting solids almost certainly will make a difference so hang in there for that. Same with when they get more mobile and therefore tired. Honestly as a first time mum you will compare yourself to others but trust me, as tough as it is, it is completely normal to have horribly broken sleep right now, you are not to blame, you are not doing anything wrong - quite the opposite, it sounds like you’re doing amazingly

Thank you so much. That's really reassuring to hear x

OP posts:
Original poster
Newbornmum · 10/01/2024 23:03

@Autumn1990 that sounds like a really good idea, thank you. I'll try that!

P.s. Sorry to be replying to ppl individually - I'm on the app and can never remember more than one reply at once to respond to. Blaming the sleep deprivation!

OP posts:
Emmibea18 · 10/01/2024 23:04

Sending solidarity, my 6 month old is the same but then I know a lot of others who have broken sleep too. It’s so tough when you’re in it, it’s my 2nd so I feel like I know it will end hopefully soon. Food doesn’t seem to make a difference with mine he seems to love a cuddle, a few weeks ago he was waking every 1.5-2 hrs and then this week it’s been 3 hrs so I’m taking that as a win! Xxx

amispeakingintongues · 10/01/2024 23:08

My EBF son woke 2-3 times on average until he was about 1. It's very normal for breastfed babies, and safe co-sleeping was the only way I could do it without losing my mind. Would just get him out of cot and feed lying down and we'd both sleep during and after, then i'd whip the boob out the next time he stirred for a feed. Mostly all with my eyes closed.

I've not met a mum who EBF and has a baby who sleeps through.

Original poster
Newbornmum · 10/01/2024 23:11

@Smartiepants79 it varies but between 4 at best and 8 times at worst from 7pm-6am ish. Quite often wakes at 4am seemingly ready to go for the day and reluctant to go back to sleep at all. I think if I knew it was normal I would at least feel less anxious about it. If he does a 3 hour stretch it's pretty miraculous and a very rare occurance!

OP posts:
MythicBish · 10/01/2024 23:15

I’m sure it’s not the case and your babies sounds normal to me BUT just in case have you ruled out reflux/food allergy through your breast milk? The only thing that alerted me that it may be the case was only wanting to sleep upright on you (in carrier etc) and he could be waking up more regularly due to being in pain.
im sure this isn’t the case at all and like I said it sounds fairly common for ebf babies to wake up multiple times but dc2 has a milk allergy and was affected through my breast milk so once I cut dairy from my diet he slept in a bit longer stretches.
I thought it just might be worth ruling out or looking for patterns to see if they’re more unsettled than usual when you eat certain types of foods.

Original poster
Newbornmum · 10/01/2024 23:20

@MythicBish I'll look into that, thank you. DH has a bad nut allergy - I don't know if anything like that can cause issues via the breast milk (if baby has an allergy to them too I mean). I do eat nuts.

He is also teething at the moment but the sleep issues aren't new.

OP posts:
Starrysky812 · 10/01/2024 23:24

@Newbornmum

Please don't worry that this is not normal! It's completely normal, especially for a 6 month old. I actually think it's rarer for a baby of that age to be sleeping through the night. My DD is 13 months and she still has very broken sleep. Also EBF (as well as her food nowadays obviously!) but she's constantly waking for feeds during the night, and will hardly ever go for more than a 3 hour stretch too. I think it's more comfort she is seeking, rather than to fill her belly.

It sounds like you're doing an amazing job and just remember that their progress and development is not static. It is ever changing and evolving, and the challenges you're dealing with today won't be there forever. They will resolve in time, only to be replaced with other new and unexpected challenges! But it's all part and parcel of motherhood and bringing a little person into the world with their own thoughts and needs. At the moment he needs you and your job is to be on call for him. It's a tough job at times but it's also the most wonderful and I am sure you'll miss these times when you look back in future. Maybe doesn't feel like that now I know!

Keep going, you're doing fantastic ❤️

Twimum23 · 10/01/2024 23:25

@Newbornmum have you tired laying him on his belly or his on his side? I know people have mixed opinions about that but my twins sleep on their belly and sleep fine till they wake for a bottle they hate being laid on their back. Or try a feeding pillow ?

K37529 · 10/01/2024 23:27

I have 3 kids all ebf and none of them slept through at 6 months. My youngest is 6 months now and spends most of the night in my arms. Your not doing anything wrong it's normal for babys that age to wake during the night. Night wakes reduced to 2-3 times a night with my first two after they started walking, but they didn't sleep through the night until I stopped breastfeeding around their 2nd birthday.

PassMeTheCookies · 10/01/2024 23:31

I feel your pain, OP. My son was exactly the same. He didn't start to sleep through until he was 2. I'm not saying that to terrify you, but to show solidarity. It did get easier from around age 1, where the wakes were just for a cuddle and he'd go back to sleep rather than awake for a prolonged period of time.

We had to adjust to a later bedtime for him. If we put him down at 7, he'd try to wake at 9 thinking it was just a nap, and he'd be up for the day at 5. If he went to bed at 9-10, he'd sleep through till 8 with a few wakes for cuddles.

My DD now is similar. She needs us to be in bed with her, and she'll wake multiple times through the night for milk. She's 1 (tomorrow). In fact, she's literally just gone to sleep now.

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