toddler sleeping awfully.

[Quackidy]

hello, i have a toddler (2 in april) who has recently stopped sleeping so well. he tends to take ages to get to sleep and when we put him down he wakes up constantly, it is taking hours.

he used to let his dad put him to bed but not anymore. just screams the house down for me

i am currently 29 weeks pregnant lying in a compact toddler bed but as soon as i get up to leave he will wake up again.

we have tried the ferber method as a desperate attempt but didn't get very far because as soon as we left him he trashed his bed & bedroom (we were outside his door for about 1 minute until he threw everything apart)

i definitely think he knows that i will eventually give in and put him in my bed, which is another problem in itself. but i dont know what else to do? i am getting bigger and bigger in my pregnancy and cant have a toddler wandering into my bed when i have a newborn in there with me🤷🏻‍♀️

Is it possible he needs longer awake before bedtime?

@Olika he wakes at 7:30-8am, with a nap at 1:30 until 2:30pm and bed time at 8🤷🏻‍♀️ we have made his bedtime later as it used to be 7pm.

My DD is exactly same age and she needs 6-7h (more towards 7h) after her nap to fall asleep and stay asleep. She takes 1.5-2h nap. If I take her to bed too early it takes her ages to fall asleep which tells me she is not tired enough. When I am hitting her optimal point it takes her 5-10min and she is asleep (and stays asleep).

Could he be overtired? 8pm is quite late if his nap ends at 2.30. Presumably if bedtime is at 8, what time is sleep time, by the time story is done and lights out?

Honestly I’d do Ferber again. You can eliminate the trashing by emptying the room save for a floor bed and put a stairgate on the door, a dog one if he’s a climber because they’re taller. What you’re doing now isn’t working if you’re 29 weeks pregnant squashed in a toddler bed, he won’t accept dad and he wakes up whenever you try and leave. Also far better to tackle it now then when you’ve got a newborn for him to associate it with, and to add a whole other level of sleep deprivation into the mix for you.

Also at not even 2 I’d try for a wake window of 4 hours from last nap to bedtime so put him to bed at 6.30. Of course it’s possible he’s very low sleep needs but it’s also likely that he’s overtired.

@Olika wow! that must have been difficult to figure out? but he usually goes to sleep with me holding him on a nursing chair in his bedroom, so i don't know!

@InTheRainOnATrain we have tried that aswell. that was his original sleeping pattern. even if he sleeps an extra hour at nap time he is still the same 🤷🏻‍♀️ nothing seems to work.

@BeauxHeaux he is asleep at 8pm, bedtime routine starts at 7 (6:30 if he has a bath) and he's usually asleep by 8. i could be possibly waking him up when u out him in his bed but it is easier for me to get him to sleep on the chair since he doesn't self settle in his bed.

@InTheRainOnATrain ive tried giving him his bottle in his bed and me sitting next to him singing, with my hand on his chest etc. ends up in him messing around.

even if i give him his bottle on the chair and then put him in his bed, he will lay down and then keep lifting his head to check i am there still, that will go on for about an hour or more until i give up and put him in my bed because i am exhausted.

I know on paper 7h is too long as they recommend around 6h for this age but that's what my DD naturally does and TBH I have no patience to spend ages in the bedroom with her trying to escape/getting up/wanting lights on etc. I prefer her being up until she tells me she wants to go to our bedroom or climbs on my arms and leans on me.
At 8pm is your DS tired? Have you tried 15-30min later to see if he falls asleep faster?
I know he likes falling asleep on your arms but I wonder if that keeps waking him up during the night. Do you think he is open to learn a new routine where you lie in bed and read a story or lullaby etc and he falls asleep there?

We are in a similar boat, with lots of sleep issues: refusing dad, refusing to fall asleep in their bed, lots of lengthy wake-ups, does not nap well, etc. Similar age child as well.

We get all the usual recommendations, solid bedtime routine, etc. Nothing works on our baby. They are also hyper alert during the day. What is your son's general temperament?

It is brutal, and I salute you for doing it whilst growing another baby.

@InTheRainOnATrain we have got a floor bed and so far he has slept a lot better. thank god, really hoping it keeps up!

@guinnesschocolatecake yes it is really frustrating and difficult! he is very busy in the day and has started to throw a lot of tantrums. but his sleep has improved since getting him a floor bed, i can get him to sleep in that without waking him up when i leave. which is a good improvement from where we were on monday😬

Excellent update!