12wk old screaming - is it normal?

[Lk8920]

Probably stupid FTM question here…

I have a nearly 12 week old. She’s a pretty poor sleeper (up 3-4 times a night, wakes with crib transfer, huge nap fighter), although conscious it could be worse.

However, she screams blue murder for about 20 minutes before night sleep and every day nap we do in the bedroom.

Goes from pretty calm and chill to immediate screaming/head butting/back arching as soon as I put her on my shoulder and start rocking/tapping her back/shushing (the only way I can eventually get her to sleep - nothing else seems to work). She’s fine with that position when not in the bedroom, so it genuinely seems to be a ‘scream when I realise I’m meant to be going to sleep’ thing rather than discomfort.

I watch wake windows like a hawk so don’t think she’s overtired when I start (probably is 20 mins in though!) and not hungry/nappy fine etc. we have a vague routine around naps/night sleep and room is dark, lullabies on etc (white noise no more effective).

It’s making me pretty miserable and physically quite exhausting battling to keep her on my shoulder with all the fighting/head butting etc. Sometimes I think if I just left her in her cot to scream (with me next to her) she might be asleep in 20 minutes (never tried…) so the crying exposure would be the same, but have always felt like tapping/cuddling/rocking at least shows her she’s so loved?

Is it normal for babies or this age to scream inconsolably when being encouraged to sleep?

Have you tried getting her to sleep outside of the bedroom? Just chill on the sofa with her or something? Have a contact nap? Or does she sleep anywhere else - pram/car?
I'm sure some people would say just leave her to cry but personally I wouldn’t. You are right - Studies do show that a distressed baby is less distressed being held by a care giver.
There is the so called 4 month sleep regression coming up - which I think can happen any time from 3 months. Babies come out of the “4th trimester” and just become more alert to the world and get a bit more fussy in general. So to answer your question - completely normal.
guess it’s just finding a way to support her through it that has the least distress for everyone. Mine definitely loved a sling sleep at that age so would massively recommend that, a good one will support your back too so it’s not as hard rocking her xx

I'd just make myself a cup of tea, make the room calm and lay with her on me and read my book out loud to her. Your resting heartbeat and closeness will soon put her to sleep. If you can manage to get her in a sling before hand you'll possibly be able to carry on with errands although I'm a big fan of resting and getting in 'me' time when they sleep rather than slogging away at household chores.

As for night sleeps I co slept so she slept on me downstairs until I went to bed. Cosleeping isnt for everyone, but worked for us

Thank you so much.

She’s great in the sling if outside and I’m walking fast, with her head covered so she can’t nose round… - it’s my only reliable nap tool! But it really hurts my back (bad in general) to do more than 2 long walks with her in it a day, so have been trying to find another nap solution too for the other nap(s).

Car is very hit and miss, as is pram and bouncy chair. Hence trying with this rocking/tapping malarky which although distressing does work eventually and I kind of think better than her totally overtired.

She won’t feed to sleep any more so this was sort of my variant of a contact nap (I cuddle her throughout when she’s asleep) but I’ll try a bit harder with her on my chest and see if that’s better - tbh can’t be much worse!

I do think in general it’s more angry cries than anything - she’s super alert and nosy and maybe just doesn’t want to sleep? She’ll protest for a few mins even in the sling before conking out!

Is she breast fed? I only ask because it’s worth reading this if she is. Really helped me understand my little one around 4 months and why she became more fussy. Feeding to sleep was so reliable then all of a sudden she wouldn’t latch, arched her back and got cranky. I knew she was tired but she just wouldn’t latch and sleep like she used to.

I was so upset at the time because I loved cuddling her and feeding her to sleep. But, I can’t remember when, it did all come back. She now feeds to sleep pretty much every nap. I lie her on the bed and either stay with her for a rest or sneak out to get some bits done.

Their needs change so much. Just do what you can at the time and know that things do get easier. What doesn’t work one day may suddenly work another.

https://laleche.org.uk/what-happens-at-four-months/#:~:text=Then%20around%20four%20months%20(or,in%20your%20baby%20right%20now.