Too early to go out for night?

[Uptown2022]

My 4.5 month old still feeds to sleep, so I do all bed times.

My friend and I booked tickets for a gig about 6 weeks ago for start of Feb. At the time I thought, she’ll be fine by then for me to leave her for bed time. DH can do it. However, now it’s just a few weeks away and I’m stressed about it!

I think DD has just passed the 4 month regression, but she still needs feeding to sleep. DH has tried to get her to bed once and didn’t I had to step in. I’m not prepared to leave her crying for ages.

Do I just tell my friend I’m probably not going to be able to go? She doesn’t have kids, and doesn’t really get them. I don’t want to seem like a ridiculous, anxious mum but I probably won’t enjoy it any way as I’ll be worrying!

Thanks!

Does she take a bottle? Your partner will be fine with her for one evening. It might not be fun or easy, but it'll be worse for your husband than your baby, she will be fine! Crying isn't bad in and of itself, it's communication. She won't be crying alone, she will have her dad comforting her. Your job as parents isn't to stop her from ever crying but to be there to reassure her that yeah it's ok to be upset and cry sometimes but when you do we will be here with cuddles.

But I totally understand not wanting to go. We cancelled going to a gig around the same age, he was in the middle of the regression and we all were recovering from a cold and didn't feel like going and thought it would be a bit mean to his grandparents to leave a grouchy grumpmonster for them to look after.

If it's a few weeks away, that's a few weeks of dad practising! I agree that baby isn't being left to cry, baby is with dad. If he's only done it once, he and baby haven't had chance to practice. It's helpful for your baby to learn different ways to fall asleep. I had to tell myself the same!

I've just come back from my first full night away from 9 month old baby. 3 or 4 days before I was still saying "I'm not going! I can't do it!" but we were consistent with dad giving the bottle and comforting DS. DS learnt dad was there to feed and comfort him and actually his sleep has improved!

You're leaving your baby with her dad. She'll be safe and looked after and you can enjoy yourself! You deserve it.

Thanks for the reassurance. Already feel much better about it - wasn’t sure if I was being selfish going out when she’s still so tiny!

I just tried to put her to bed last night after a feed but while she was awake. I feel like breaking that association will be a hurdle in itself!

If she takes a bottle it'll be completely fine - if she doesn't, I don't think it'll work, she'd get too hungry.

It's not till next month so you could train her into having one bottle a night by then

We started that way. Stopped feeding to sleep. Then moved onto bottle instead of nursing. Then dad gave the bottle. Then dad gave a bottle and resettled during the night.
Glad you're feeling better!

We’ve tried a bottle a few times. She will take it, but she’s not keen. I’m not getting on that well with pumping whenever I’ve tried, but I’m not sure if that’s because I’ve only got a Hakka.
That’s a whole other issue!

I’ll just do whatever I can to practice getting her used to me not doing every bedtime and see how it goes!

Thanks again!

A you buy a tub of formula just for back up (like these situations)?

Get DH to make a bottle and put your baby to bed, you stay away until the room next door or go for a walk or something, and see how she gets on.

I wouldn't faff around to start pumping now at 4.5 mi the pp.

Whenever I went out (which wasn't often) dad just had some ready to feed formula, I hated pumping and therefore didn't do it. I collected a bit with a Haakaa in the early days but never more than one bottle which gave me a chance to get some sleep. Baby was fine with the formula and as it wasn't a regular thing it didn't affect my supply at all.

Me too, I'm a huge fan of a bit of formula for situations like this!

Pumping sucks (no pun intended)

Oooh I remember going through something very similar.

My advice would be to go with your gut. If you feel like you'd rather - all things considered - stay at home with your baby, then do that.

If your friend is a good friend they will get it (or get over it - either is fine).

I think it's being a shit friend to expect your friend to 'get over it' when presumably they've bought tickets, sorted transport, and I'm guessing overnight accommodation if the OP is concerned about leaving her baby through the night. I'd be miffed, why buy the tickets?

(OP I'm not saying for a second this is you by the way, at all, I'm just saying my point above as if that's what's expected of the friend I think it's a bit mean)