I'm going insane 😵 please help.

[Tiddybiddy247]

My four month old won't sleep longer than 30 mins at a time and I can't cope physically and mentally. He sleeps maybe once a week in 2 he stretches.

He goes down about 7.30/8 and although he wakes up and cries he doesn't actually fully wake up. But if I don't pick him up and rock/feed him back to sleep his cries quickly become screaming blue murder and he won't stop. 10 mins is most I've led next to him in the next to me crib with my hand on his chest shhhing him.

Swaddling was helping a bit not now. White noise machine I don't know if it helps.

I even gave in and fed him formula as everyone said it was because I was breastfeeding. It helped a bit I think but...he doesn't wake up at all if he co sl3ps but I hate it because he chases me around the bed to be on my nipple constantly! He's not drinking just wants to be latch on.

I don't know what to do 😞 I'm trying not to loose my mind. My DH wants to move him to his own room or across the room and sleep train home. But he's only 18 weeks and I think it's too early.

During the day he will only contact nap. Screams if hes tired in his car seat and pram. Will sleep in a carrier when walking. But even his. Contact naps only last 30 mins.

All the sleep experts on social media just depressing because they all talk about drowsy but awake blah blah and I feel like something is wrong.

Please can anyone help with advice or anything?

Have you tried a dummy?

His sleep cycles are only 45 minutes long. Towards the end of it he’ll come into light sleep. 4 months old is when, during this light sleep, they often start to notice if anything has changed from where they fell asleep to where they are sleeping now. So for instance if they fell asleep on the boob and are now in a cot. That’s what they mean by ‘drowsy but awake’ - baby has to fall asleep where they’re going to stay asleep. Which makes sense really, imagine if you fell asleep snuggled up next to your partner in bed and stirred to find yourself on the floor with no pillow. You wouldn’t roll over and go back to sleep, you’d fully wake up and likely be shouting WTF!

That’s all it is, by all means switch to formula if you want but it’s not a silver bullet for sleep, although it can obviously help practically because it means DH can do his share of wakes.

I would definitely try a dummy if he likes to comfort suck. Then I’d personally go down the route of sleep training. 4 months is the typical recommended age to start in the US because of the sleep cycle stuff mentioned above and also probably shorter mat leaves, so it’s definitely not too young. There are gentler techniques if you don’t want to do Ferber or anything cry based; just expect them to be a bit more of a time commitment. However, if sleep training really isn’t for you, and totally fair enough because it’s a very personal decision, then I’d commit to safe cosleeping for now. Where madness lies is feeding or rocking to sleep, transferring him, and expecting him to stay asleep- just let that idea go!

And lastly, 4 months is for most people THE WORST of baby sleep. This too shall pass. Make sure DH is doing his share and that you snatch opportunities to rest whenever you feasibly can.

I am not professing to be an expert, bit, for us, a BIG barrier with the sleep thing has been the burps. My god, the burps! So bad with both my babies, but particularly the second one - she will not stay asleep with burps in her. We always do 'the slosh test' - put baby on their back and gently shake the stomach - if you can hear a slosh, there's a burp there - then do all kinds of wild manoeuvres ro try and get them out...for ages.
May not be your answer, but just in case it helps...

I had to have a classical music baby tiny love mobile, motion activated. It was the only thing that worked.
DS, I put the hair dryer on for a min then switched off. For the white noise.
Eldest usually needed burping. I feel for you, I remember how hard it is.

You’re not doing anything wrong! 4 months is a notoriously shitty time for sleep. Both of mine were like this and I drove myself mad reading every bit of advice trying to work out what I could do differently, obsessing over nap length etc. I really feel for you but I promise you’ll get through this.
A dummy could be helpful although you have to put them back in when they fall out which is annoying.
I breastfed and was tempted by formula but had 2 bottle refusers. I’m not sure formula would have helped though, they weren’t waking due to hunger.
I can promise one thing - this will end.

We had a terrible sleeper I feel your pain. Things that helped -

Tilting the basket slightly( when he went in cot we bought a tilted mattress)
Putting him down awake to fall asleep

We tag teamed I slept 7-12. Dh slept 12-7 (he had work) at weekends we did a night each but we also each got a lie in on the night we had dealt with baby. So either 9pm- 6am or dealing with baby but also sleeping 6am-10am

When he was older dropping night feeds and dummy also helped

Could he have reflux?

Do you use a dummy?

Been there, done that, bought the t-shirt! I second what @InTheRainOnATrain said, word for word. I was almost suicidal by the time my DD was 5/6 months old, sleep trained her and life was great again. We were both rested and could enjoy our days together. Pregnant again and will try the whole shenanigans of drowsy but awake or at least settling baby straight in the cot with assistance, but if at 4/5 months things are not improving I’ll sleep train again without a drop of guilty!

Babies are shit at sleeping. Sorry. Personally I wouldn't attempt any sleep training until at least 13 months - in my experience their sleep cycles are all over the place until then.

It will get better, just get the sleep you can - i was more prepared with DC 2 so planned shifts with DH for getting the baby to sleep (also EBF though so not too straightforward, but it wasn't feeding they were waking for).

I found sleep breeds sleep - are you putting the baby down for regular naps during the day? Even if it's short?
Things change all the time in the first year so keep trying. Mine would only nap in the pram for months so I was out in the rain every afternoon - then something changed and he would go down in his cot for a bit.

Definitely get a dummy if he's using your nipple as one!