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Original poster

3 Year Old Up Constantly

31 replies

ThirtyTwoGoingUnder · 25/12/2023 05:18

Looking for any help and advice please as I'm at the end of my tether.

3.5 year old has never been a great sleeper but it's never been this bad. There was a thunderstorm around 3 months ago and DS was terrified so got into bed with us (normally don't allow this and he knows this, but he was genuinely terrified and shaking). Since then, months later, he's up several times a night at any sound he hears as he's worried it's going to be thunder. Rain, wind, any noise sends him rushing into our room. When it's not rainy or windy he 'needs a wee' every other hour. This is true sometimes but more often than not, it's night time tactics. The past couple of nights between midnight and 4am he's disturbed us 6 times. He knows he's not allowed in our bed and I take him back to his room and put him back in bed but I know within 30mins he'll be back in our room with some sort of excuse. We've tried -

  • A Gro clock - worked brilliantly at first and then he just ignores it now
  • Getting him a bedside table and nightlight (didn't work and he played with the drawer all night banging and woke his younger sister
  • A toniebox that he can listen to through the night to drown out other sounds (worked for a while but then meant he didn't sleep and was cranky in the morning)
  • Removing his toniebox and tonies so he has no nighttime distractions/nothing to play with (has resulted in him coming to us several times a night)
  • letting him sleep with the light on (he didn't disturb us all night but didn't sleep and we could hear him banging around not on his bed, again disturbing his sister)
  • reasoning with him and asking him why he's not sleeping (he says he's scared of the dark, which resulted in the above, us letting him sleep with light on, but then ended in him not sleeping and then a grumpy, badly behaved child all day)

Can anyone please help? We have a 16 month old who basically sleeps through. I'm almost in tears every night because I know he's going to come in several times and even if he doesn't I'm on edge because everytime I manage to drop off, he comes in and disturbs us.

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Original poster
ThirtyTwoGoingUnder · 25/12/2023 05:23

For added context, he dropped his naps around 2 so hasn't napped in ages. He's always been a rubbish eater too but seems to exist on fresh air. Sleeps really well between bedtime, 6.30-12/1 and then the antics begin. Even when he goes to bed later (tonight was 8.30pm) and had eaten well, the antics begin from 1/2am regardless

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ThePoetsSpouse · 25/12/2023 05:33

Sending solidarity as we are in the same position. We just go we the co sleeping though I’m afraid, only reason we stay sane. Sorry I know that’s not what you want to hear probably. It’s so tough to have such an awful sleeper at this age.

Original poster
ThirtyTwoGoingUnder · 25/12/2023 07:43

@ThePoetsSpouse Thanks for responding, so sorry you're in the same position, it's awful. 😭 Speaking to a work colleague, he said the same thing when he was going through it with his DS who is now 17. He said he co-slept with him till he was 6 and until he eventually decided he didn't want to sleep with them anymore and went back to his own bed. I just can't face it until 6 and then the possibility of our DD then wanting to do the same 😩 I don't know if I'm in denial and just need to accept it as the only solution though

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ThePoetsSpouse · 25/12/2023 08:57

Yes we are resigned to that being likely for us and also have a baby too who we are really hoping is more independent! It helped me to join a co sleeping group on Facebook because I felt less alone (amongst friends I really hate it when people get discussing sleep and other children all seem to be so great at it!). But I really do understand and I hope you find a solution. I think it’s so hard when they’re older because everyone assumes you’re out of that stage and you have to work and just be normal in life whilst battling no sleep. Merry Christmas and I hope you manage to have a lovely day

SecondUsername4me · 25/12/2023 08:59

Have you got room to put up a little camp bed in your room? Then he can be told that if he wakes in the night he can come sleep in the spare bed but isn't to wake Mummy and Daddy?

Original poster
ThirtyTwoGoingUnder · 25/12/2023 12:05

@ThePoetsSpouse This is exactly it! A lot of my friends seem to have consistent sleepers now, although I do have some friends with early risers 4/5am which isn't ideal either! Maybe co-sleeping is the only way 😭
Hope you have a wonderful Christmas and New year too!

@SecondUsername4me We did actually make a little makeshift bed of pillows on the floor when it first began and he used to creep in and sleep on them without disturbing us, but after a while he kept getting cranky in the mornings and I was terrified we were creating a habit that we wouldn't be able to break so we started insisting he went back in his own bed which he did for a while well, then back to status quo 😩

It's so hard, I feel there's got to be a solution besides co-sleeping but maybe we just have to accept this is the small kids sleep stage for us

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TheShellBeach · 25/12/2023 12:06

Get the Ferber sleep training book.

Original poster
ThirtyTwoGoingUnder · 25/12/2023 12:06

Really appreciate you both replying to try and help on Christmas day! Thank you ❤️

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Original poster
ThirtyTwoGoingUnder · 25/12/2023 12:08

@TheShellBeach Will this work for 3 year olds? I'm conscious it's all a fear thing rather than a defiance thing? Although we thought it would be a phase but 3 months on, seems to be no signs of disappearing!

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TheShellBeach · 25/12/2023 14:33

Ferber has advice for all age groups.

Outliers · 26/12/2023 01:14

So long as child is fed, healthy and safe, I'd leave him to it.

Bring daughter in your bedroom in the interim

Original poster
ThirtyTwoGoingUnder · 26/12/2023 07:57

@Outliers Bringing daughter in would be counterproductive as she basically sleeps through in her own cot

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Outliers · 26/12/2023 11:11

ThirtyTwoGoingUnder · 26/12/2023 07:57

@Outliers Bringing daughter in would be counterproductive as she basically sleeps through in her own cot

Well it would only be for a few days till son settles.

SecondUsername4me · 26/12/2023 11:17

Does he fall asleep on his own at bedtime or do one of you stay with him?

VikingLady · 26/12/2023 11:17

Maybe white noise rather than the tonie?

I put the weather forecast app on my phone when my kids went through this phase (DD briefly picked up a fear of storms from her friends). I'd show her that the scientists say there's no thunderstorm nearby tonight, and that helped.

Original poster
ThirtyTwoGoingUnder · 30/12/2023 00:06

@SecondUsername4me He halls asleep independently thankfully. We normally do 2 books and then he settles down with his Toniebox till he falls asleep. It's normally then around 2am that the antics begin

@VikingLady We tried white noise too but he kept asking us to turn it off, I think it got on his nerves 😂 but the weather app is a good idea, thank you!

At the moment we've just made a makeshift bed on the floor and he's just been coming in and sleeping on that

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NeverMindIGuess · 30/12/2023 00:22

I don't have any advice unfortunately but just wanted to say your not alone! I'm in a similar situation, I got more sleep when my DS was a newborn.

Not a solution for him waking, but can you and DP sleep separately and alternate each night so at least your getting a decent sleep every other day?

Original poster
ThirtyTwoGoingUnder · 30/12/2023 00:42

@NeverMindIGuess Ah it's so nice to have some solidarity with this!! It feels such a lonely place in real life! Sorry you're in the same situation!

Sometimes my DH does go in and just sleep with him! We always just get nervous about creating dependencies that become a bigger problem, but I don't know if at this age it's just normal they're scared etc and is just part of the sleep territory?

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Passingthethyme · 08/01/2024 07:02

I'm in some kind if 2.5 year regression hell trying to find something to help and came across this. I'm wondering if he's waking because he's either hungry and or needs to go to the toilet. It seems like something is triggering him to consistently wake at that time. Not ideal, but wondering if you should give him something to eat (like a banana) and then tell him to gi back to sleep. Another thing is making sure he's getting plenty of protein. I hope you resolve this soon, it's torture isn't it Flowers

Umtydumpy · 08/01/2024 09:42

We co slept with all our dc, now all sleep in their own beds, it's not forever. It meant that we all got some sleep. There's too much pressure on parents to do this a certain way.

steppemum · 08/01/2024 10:38

This is an age when they get scared of random things, eg the hoover.
So I think it is a fear thing, once he is awake.
I wonder what is causing him to wake at 1 am. Because he is obvioulsy giong to sleep fine, and then once he has taken the edge of his tiredness he can't go back to sleep.
If you can identify what is waking him up then you might be able to stop it

One thing which often wakes kids in the night is being cold. And it is not obvious. So once he is asleep, tucking an extra blanket over and tucking it in so that he can't roll out from under his duvet etc.

Lights are not good for sleep, so turning off any lights once he is asleep except for a very low level nightlight.

Any noises? In the street? Cat /dog in the house? Pub turning out?

But you have my sympathy, as I remember the agony of being woken in the night.

steppemum · 08/01/2024 14:24

and i know a lot of people co-sleep, but even with a kingsize bed, I couldn't sleep well with a kid in the bed,. I hated it, and they always lay draped on me in some way, never dh.
So if the only option was co-sleeping I would be crying at all the replies. It doesn't work for everyone.

Original poster
ThirtyTwoGoingUnder · 09/01/2024 02:25

2am and he's been in 5 times since 11.30pm. Can't do this anymore, nothing is working. The doctor is calling me about him on Wednesday regarding something else so I'll bring it up with them.

He's not cold or hungry, he's told us recently he just doesn't like sleeping because it's 'boring', but can't seem to understand it's not acceptable to keep waking us up constantly. Tried ignoring him and he stood in his room and wailed for 1.5 hours. Also moved the potty to his room which resulted in 2 good nights and then he reverted to type.

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TheShellBeach · 09/01/2024 05:26

Honestly, get the Ferber book.
DD was nearly three when I did it. By the third night she was sleeping through the night.

She doesn't remember, either. So it hasn't scarred her for life lol.

Good luck!

Original poster
ThirtyTwoGoingUnder · 09/01/2024 12:36

@TheShellBeach Thank you 😊 I've just read up on it and actually think this could potentially work! Maybe if we anticipate him getting up and go in and check on him regularly if he crying or we can hear him messing about, it might make him feel more secure if it is deep down a fear thing?

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