I need sleep training success stories!

[GingerM]

My DS is my 2nd child and 8months old. My first was a bad sleeper, didn't sleep a full night's sleep until she was well over the age or 2, but a consistent and solid napper. I tried it all, but I would always be able to comfort her.

This is different and so much worse. My son only naps for 20-30mins, no matter how long or hard I try to stretch them. The nights are worse. There is no rhyme or rhythm to his sleep. Some nights he might wake 4 times (amazing night for me) others it's every 45mins roughly (14 wake ups is his record). Co-sleeping doesn't work, and even when I pick him up which used to comfort him he just screams now and fights me.

He eats well, he drinks well, he's no health concerns and has never had reflux or colic as a baby. He's had 2 check ups in recent weeks checking chest, ears, eyes etc. He is teething, typical of this age, but pain relief and teething remedies don't seem to be aiding sleep.

I am reaching desperation.

Sleep training is my only option now and the only thing i havent exhausted.

I get a bit caught up with online points-of-view and criticisms of sleep training and allow myself to wallow in guilt, but my mental health, marriage, and my patience with my children cannot allow this to go on. I'm also back to work very soon and I cannot function. I honestly think I would lose my job.

I need to hear from the Mum's who have used sleep training programmes, plans or consultants and have seen results and think they are worth their money! What did you use? Would you recommend? How tough was it? Is it for the over-emotional, guilt-ridden types (me)?

Thank you 😘

My DC is a terrible sleeper. Even now at 19 months, she is experiencing a regression and I have just had to leave her to cry it out. Just fallen back asleep after 15mins as i write.

We sleep trained at around 6/7 months because it was damn near unbearable. I dread to think how difficult life would be had we never slept trained. Unlike your DS, my DD all around

I think initially we started with Ferber method. But as she got older, smarter and more alert moved to the cry it out /total extinction method - the most painful but certainly the most effective.

I personally feel no guilt as I had a child waking up several times in the night (which meant she was horrible during the day) to sleep from 7pm to 6am. Which is great for her development and both our wellbeing.

I didn’t have to sleep train my own kids, but have done so at work (I do childcare privately) The parents did the nighttime, but I had to do naps.

I did the pop in after 5 mins version and it took 2 days. Just 1 pop in, so about 7/8 mins of crying.

The kid I did that with ended up napping every day from 1-4/4.30 and 8-7 overnight. His mum told me he still does that and he’s 3.5 now.

No advice but just posting as I’m in the same situation with my 8 month old and desperate for advice!

We sleep trained at 6 months and 10 days because it was that or me being put on antidepressants because of sleep deprivation. We used a method where we went back in after 2 mins of crying, then 2.5, then 3 etc up until 5 mins and then back every 5 mins. Except, we never got to 5 mins. The first night it took less than 20 mins including 4 visits, and improved every night until a week later she just went to sleep without problems. We had a couple of hiccups when she transitioned from 3 to 2 naps, but then all fine again for 3 months. We are having problems now as she's just giving 12 months and keeps pulling up to stand in her cot and crying, so we are having to intervene a lot and it's taking a long time to get her to sleep, but apparently this phase should pass. We are having to stay and stroke her until she sleeps for the past two weeks but when things settle down a bit we will sleep train again if we have to, but hoping this is just a bump in the road. Sometimes sleep training is quick and easy like it was for us, i was terrified of hours of crying but that didn't happen, it works well with some babies and usually it means they get through difficult periods more easily and quickly too.

@teaandkittehs did you use the same method for night wakes?

Do it.

Don't get hung up in the criticisms. PP said it, a baby sleeping well throughout the night is so much better for their development than an exhausted baby and mummy.

Set a goal for how long you will stick at it as it doesn't work for every child and you don't want to prolong. Eg if you don't see improvement in 7 days.

Make sure baby isn't unwell/teethjng/jabs.

Get babies other parent (if you aren't solo) to help you for moral support.

When crying happens distract yourself and set a timer. I just watched crappy Instagram reels.

Stay calm and consistent.

Yes we did, but to be honest 95% of the time there were no night wakes unless she was nap transitioning, or having some crazy developmental leap like she is now (just turned 1), when things can get a bit disrupted again. We gave her all her bottles in the day so that she hopefully didn't need feeding at night, and it worked out she was fine with that. And she largely slept until 5 - 7am (most often waking around 6am).
Seriously, night one of sleep training, she slept seven hours without a wake. Night two, for nine hours. I was so anxious about sleep at the time though that i didn't sleep well for weeks!

@teaandkittehs see this is what I can’t get my head around, my DS takes himself off to sleep at night so we can’t ‘sleep train’ him that way, everything I see about sleep training talks about them sleeping well once they’ve learnt how to self settle (however that can be). I’m glad it worked for you though, hopefully I’ll find something that works for us soon.

When i read about sleep training, i was grateful that a book told me to envisage myself actually doing it, so i imagined hearing her cry and not going straight to her so that i could be sure i would see it through, as it is not a nice feeling knowing you've made the decision to let your baby cry. But versus long term post natal depression, a few days of at least attempting sleep training seemed like it was worth a go.
We had to decide how long we would let her cry before intervening (two mins et seq, as i said in the post above), and whether or not to pick her up (we didn't, we stroked her belly until she calmed down) and we would then leave the room when she was nearly, but not quite, asleep. That way, she would learn to fall asleep on her own, and she did.

Ah yes that is difficult, our little lady didn't self settle at all before sleep training so it was an all-over fix for her.

When DD was born DS was only 18 months and I read him his bedtime story every night

Not long after DD was born I would stick her in another room in her Moses basket so I could prioritise DS story time at 7pm and after 3 nights she magically just fell asleep at 7pm for evermore and has always been a fantastic sleeper

So give that a go

I just zoned out at her crying because I knew she'd forget whereas DS would remember me shoving him to one side, giving DD priority over him and our precious story time.

No one is forever traumatised by it and bedtime stories were always loads of fun with the both of them and we'd get lots of fun books from the library

This was just before iPads came into being so they fully concentrated on books

I think this is exactly the sort of situation where it makes sense to sleep train. You'll all be so much happier, including DS I imagine, he must be tired too. The situation you describe is not sustainable.

You sound just like me a few years ago, OP! We did controlled crying with both DC and it was the best thing we ever did.

DD was 14mo and I wish we'd done it sooner. First night she cried, second night was worse, third night was better and then it was fine after that. We had to redo it at 18mo after she had a longish (not serious) illness and got used to sleeping with us, but no problems since then. She's now 9 and sleeps like a dream. Prior to CC she woke every 45mins, I had to rock her until she fell asleep, then hold her for 15mins before putting her back down. I was getting sleep in 25min blocks and thought I was losing my mind. CC saved my sanity and my marriage, and turned DD from grumpy demon to cheerful, happy toddler.

Then DS... We did CC at 8mo, mostly because he was waking DD but also because I was days away from a breakdown again. He was violent as well, as if he didn't want to be rocked/held but he didn't know any other way! I was covered in scratches, he used to headbutt me and pull my hair, it was horrendous. Cosleeping didn't help (with either but especially not DS). So we did CC with him too and it worked in 3 or 4 days. Had to redo it once or twice but no problems since either. He's 5 now and loves his bed.

Both were terrible catnappers in the day too - DD would sleep in her cot for 45mins after 15mins of rocking, DS would fight and fight and then eventually have a 30min contact nap. CC sorted that out as well.

I'm not saying it'll definitely solve all of your issues with sleep, but when you're at breaking point you have to try something and it might just work out for you. And someone will be along to tell you that it teaches them nobody comes when they cry. That's not true at all! My DC call me in the night if they need me, but it's always for a genuine reason (nightmare, can't find something, unwell) rather than because they don't know how to fall asleep. And I always, always go to them, just like I do in the day time.

Sorry for the long post but I've been there and know how hard it is. I wish you the best of luck!

Google “jo frost” sleep method. I was in your boat and it worked for me. Within 3 nights she was sleeping through.

I did it and have zero regrets.

Dd is a teen now and still loves her sleep!

Teaching good sleep routines is an essential life skill imo.

Ensure your baby is comfortable, well fed, not unwell. Have a wind down routine including lots of cuddles, make sure the room is quiet and dark.

If they cry wait 5-10 mins, recheck that all of the above is the same and leave again.

Keep going on repeat.

With my dd it took about 45 mins for the first couple of nights and 5 mins thereafter.

I think we are about to have to redo it. Our only just one year old has started standing up in the Cot and crying really badly whereas 2 weeks ago she went straight to sleep. . . Its now taking up to 2 hours with lots of belly stroking and sometimes having to get her up and starting again, i had got so used to it being good that this really sucks! !

Do it.

best thing we ever did. Baby went from waking every 45 minutes and using me as a human dummy all night, to sleeping through the night in his cot. We went from hours of crying a night to nothing within days and he was so much happier. Sleep is so very important for a happy child (and adult!)

first night it took 50 minutes for him to go to sleep, and he woke about 3 more times for 10 minutes.

second night it took 20 minutes for him to go to sleep and he didn’t wake at all.

third night, he fell asleep in 4 minutes. Done!

that first 50 minutes was tough (admittedly, I went out and left my partner to it because I wouldn’t be able to bare it) but NOTHING compared to the hours of crying we were having every single night because he was exhausted. And crying in the day too due to over-tiredness. And me crying day and night 😂

That's really f-ed up

I presume the parents knew you did this to their children?

Disgusting

It will get better, I promise.

When ours was really bad and we got to our wits end, we put him to bed at the normal routine time and when he woke, he would go in after 2 mins to start (just to pat him and reassure him, but NOT take him out or the cot) - he would then cry and we would go in after 10 mins, then a little longer the next time. It's hard and you have to stick with it, but provided they're not ill, this will work after a couple of nights. Also we found it happened at the start of the night but he soon learnt to self settle and then didn't need us to come in. The crying then stopped and he slept through. Keep it with. There is light at the end of the tunnel. X

@RedRobyn2021 can you read? The parents were the leaders of this and did the nighttime. They were both WFH and directed me that they were doing this, so take your misplaced outrage elsewhere!

@RedRobyn2021 well you clearly have comprehension issues. Maybe you need more sleep?

This is so reassuring to hear. Thank you.

We did cry it out at 9 months after all else failed. Best decision we ever made. Improvements in the first night and by 5 nights the problem was completely fixed - sleeping 12 hours with no wake ups. Baby was instantly so much happier and smilier as well as me actually being able to enjoy motherhood!

Just wanted to say thank you to everyone who replied. I've decided to take the plunge after a very exhausting Christmas (but wanted to get on to other side of it before I started). I also wanted to make sure those top teeth had broken through first.

DS went down well enough, but been up crying for the past hour. I'm going in and comforting every couple of minutes but I knew that night one would be very hard.

I'm going to give it a week like one of you lovely people recommended. I think that's realistic to judge if it works for us or not.

Thank you to those who shared how wonderful your kids are beyond the baby years with sleep training. None of us would ever ignore the needs of our children and they know they can always rely on us. We all also need sleep, them more than anyone.