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My baby just will not sleep

6 replies

Kattenkatt · 21/12/2023 17:51

Hi, I'm sorry for what is sure to be a long post. I've also only just signed up so apologies if anything is wrong here.

I guess I'll start by saying that my (now 6.5 month) baby girl has always had very short naps straight after coming out of that brand new baby type of sleep. As soon as her life wasn't just sleeping and eating she's only done 30 minute naps (contact or cot - didn't matter), almost on the dot. Despite this, her night sleep was fantastic, usually consisting of 2x 4 hour stretches in her cot.

Then she hit 3.5 months and I guess we got a regression. She started waking every 30 minutes at night, most often crying the moment her eyes opened. We persisted with this until coming up to 5 months, and lo and behold, we started seeing an improvement. She began sleeping for 1 hour stretches at night (naps still remained the same 30 mins). This lasted for about a week, after which she hit an all time low and began waking every 15 minutes at night, nearly always crying.

This 15 minutes lasted until about a week ago. Since then she has been waking in roughly the time it takes to put her in her cot, walk downstairs, and sit down. Still crying upon waking.

That's the problem summed up, so I'll try to give as much info on everything else as I can.

We get up for the morning at 7am (was 7:30 at 5 mo), she usually takes 4 or 5 naps a day but can do three if she takes longer naps. She can stay asleep on well timed car journeys or quite often with a contact nap on dad (only dad though and he's usually at work).

We put her down for naps based on sleepy cues which come after 2 hours pretty consistently and they're very obvious. She does not do well staying up past these and many tears ensue. We've tried putting her down straight after one sleepy cue, we've tried a couple, a lot - no difference.

We get her to sleep by pretty vigorous bobbing up and down and rocking side to side in our arms (the kind that has absolutely ruined our backs), nothing else has ever worked. She almost always cries during the start of this and really seems to know we're trying to get her to sleep - which she seems to hate!

Sleepy but drowsy never works, she just immediately starts crying when put down. She can't seem to settle herself between sleeps either, she fusses for a very short time which I leave her do, then begins to cry.

Bedtime depends on her naps so it differs, but usually falls at about 7:30/8pm. I get her upstairs for a bedtime routine a little over 30 minutes before. I plan for it to be quite short because she cries through it. The moment I start changing her she fusses and everything calming I try to do from there seems to only get her more worked up. I put her in her pajamas, take her to a dimly lit room, feed her, read to her, play lullabies, then bounce her to sleep in my arms. This can get cut short quite often and goes straight to bouncing though due to getting hysterical, but these seem to be the best things I've found for her to do so far (she immediately cries if I massage her and gets too playful in the bath).

She began weaning at 6 months but nothing seemed to change with that either. The last week I've only given milk due to just being completely worn out.

I've tried settling her in her cot but she doesn't get comfort from anything I can do. Shushing, patting, singing, reassuring, or generally just touching or talking doesn't calm her at all. Only taking her out her bed does, unless she realises she's going to be put back in, then she gets hysterical. We know this from trying pick up, put down when she was crying in her bed and I'd take her out, calm her, put her back, and around the third time of trying this she would not stop crying no matter what I did - hold, talk to, even play. She just had to be bounced to sleep through the tears and it was heart breaking.

More info:

Every time she wakes she needs bouncing or feeding back to sleep and she usually falls back asleep immediately but will take a while before she can be transferred without waking.

She's had many doctors visits and no medical reason for not sleeping has been found.

Health visitors and the like are completely at a loss of what to do for her.

It never seems to matter how much or little sleep she gets in a day, or if we get her to bed as soon as she's tired or let her get more tired - the night sleep is always the same.

She is teething but giving Calpol doesn't change the sleep.

The only way I've managed to get any sleep is co-sleeping and leaving my breast out in front of her - she wakes and latches and goes right back to sleep.

She is very happy in the day unless she's having trouble with her teething. She's playful and smiley and her development is all on track.

I will happily let her fuss but won't leave her to cry.

That is everything I can think of. I really just don't know what to do and would so much appreciate any advice. Thank you in advance.

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Brightandbreezey · 21/12/2023 21:51

The only way I've managed to get any sleep is co-sleeping and leaving my breast out in front of her - she wakes and latches and goes right back to sleep.

This!!! Is there a reason why this doesn’t work for you? If there isn’t I would just suggest you carry on. Get as much sleep as you can and let her get as much as she can without getting too upset.

I still co sleep with my 10 month old. She’s happy, I get more sleep than if I had to get up and rock/sooth/settle. My little one doesn’t wake up as much as yours but she definitely wakes 6 + times. It’s exhausting but make life as easy as possible.

With the day naps… all I could suggest is a sling. This helps my little one connect her sleep cycles. I sense when she stirring and gentle rock/sing her back in so she can sleep for an hour or two at a time with naps. She wouldn’t do this on her own.

sounds so tough on you!!! Good luck xx

Kattenkatt · 21/12/2023 23:56

Hi! Thanks for the reply. There's a few reasons I'm not keen on co-sleeping. The first was that her dad will only sleep downstairs if she's in the bed which I just don't enjoy, I also feel like I can't ask for help if I'm really struggling. Secondly I'm not super happy about her sleeping on the mattress, it's not all that firm and the sheets tend to come off the corners and ruck up during the night.

I could mostly accept both of these but the other night I had her in the bed and she rolled all the way off and onto the floor. We have a double and I've always crammed myself right on the edge and had her next to me if we've co-slept, so there's no more room possible for her. I tend to sleep just as badly as I'm constantly waking from worrying about her falling or from the pain of how I'm lay, which also lasts all the next day and makes it harder to bounce her for naps.

Also she used to LOVE the sling, I used it sooo often, then one day it was the worst thing ever. She struggles as hard as she can to get out and begins crying her little heart out. Still so gutted about it!

I just so desperately want her to sleep in her cot. It's the last time I, and probably she, got any real night time sleep when she used to sleep in there for hours at a time.

Again, thank you for your reply. I'm so glad you've found something that works (enough!) for you and your baby 😍

OP posts:
jellymaker · 22/12/2023 00:03

I think you need to put her in the cot and walk away. Everyone needs to teach their baby to self soothe eventually. Just leave her to it. It sounds to me she doesn't like all the gigging about.

gingerspiceandallthingsnice · 22/12/2023 04:33

No advice but my 6 month old is the same. My first born was the same too, he started sleeping at age 2.5 I'm sorry to say, and even now needs someone with him so his dad and I are divide and conquering by taking one each!

I'm surviving by cosleeping boob out... but still exhausted even so.

I couldn't care less about not sharing a bed with my Dh right now, and nor could he. Sleep is always priority.

If I were you I'd be getting a new mattress and sort the cosleeping situation out especially if you plan to continue to breastfeed. My friends who formula fed didn't have the frequent waking that I've had with both my bf babies. I coslept and bf #1 til 18 months when I stopped bf and then he started sleeping a little better!

Brightandbreezey · 22/12/2023 11:37

I completely get your concerns about baby rolling off the bed. That would worry me too!
But there are things you can do. If you really don’t want to cosleep I don’t mean to sound like I am forcing but if it’s helpful here are a few things you can do:

  • get rid of the bed frame, mattress on the floor (I did this as soon as DD started to roll, gives you peace of mind!)
  • we got a single cheap but decent mattress to put next to our mattress on the floor, DP sleeps in single mattress on other side of DD. That way we all sleep together, he’s there to help if needed (barely ever needed as DD will settle easy with boob) and does a nappy in the night whilst DD is sleepy and latched so not disturbed!!
  • if putting bed on floor is not for you, maybe look to push it up against a wall and bolster any gaps (pool noodles can be used I believe)
  • you can get a yoga mattress under cover to make mattress firmer
  • prop yourself up with pillows behind you to get comfy and allow you to get some sleep too.
  • As baby gets older, cuddle curl is no longer needed. My DD often feeds then rolls away from me leaving me some room to get comfy and go to sleep.
  • follow cosleepy and happycosleep on instagram for more ideas and tips on how to get a good nights sleep.
I am sorry if you really don’t want this advice, I don’t want to give unsolicited advice to anyone! But just thought I’d pop it in if helpful in anyway!

I know cosleeping isn’t for everyone and believe me I was against it to start with! But it’s made life so much easier!! Good luck xx

Brightandbreezey · 22/12/2023 15:08

Oh and, if you don’t already, follow Lyndsey Hookway on Insta too. I am sure she writes about 30 minute nappers and normalises a lot of sleep concerns for babies and toddlers.

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