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Original poster

Does co-sleeping really cause negative developmental effects?

52 replies

purpledaze24 · 09/12/2023 23:02

I’m a part-time single parent to a 4-year-old. I only have him half of the week as my ex and I do 50/50. We’re super close and I’ve Co-slept with him since he was about 18 months. We both love Co-sleeping. Going to sleep cuddled up to his warm little body is the best, and it’s extra important to me as I spend half the week away from him. I’ve been seeing/reading a lot recently though that says Co-sleeping can have negative effects in the long-term, like over-dependence on the parent, struggling to become independent, anxiety etc. I plan to do it for as long as he wants to (but will stop before puberty). I’m just wondering if anyone with older kids has Co-slept and seen any of the negative effects I mentioned? (Or any others)? Thanks :)

OP posts:
LameBorzoi · 09/12/2023 23:07

It's completely natural, and very normal in a lot of cultures.

Reugny · 09/12/2023 23:07

Co-sleeping is normal in many cultures. It is just in the West it is seen as a big issue.

As long as you letting the child choose to co-sleep as they have their own bed you will be fine.

SutWytTi · 09/12/2023 23:09

I’ve been seeing/reading a lot recently though that says Co-sleeping can have negative effects in the long-term

Where, and who is the author?

GardenGnomic · 09/12/2023 23:12

No... what rigourously peer reviewed studies have you been reading? Cobblers!. why would it make them less independent? Most things that make kids feel secure and loved make them less anxious and more willing to take risks. Co-sleeping is extremely common across Asian cultures.

Our always had option of own bed/ room. And from about 12 or 18 months usually started night in own bed. But co slept regularly and then more on and off til they were about 9.

They are independant young adults now.

StrictlyAFemaleFemale · 09/12/2023 23:13

Where have you read this?

MrsSkylerWhite · 09/12/2023 23:14

Four year olds need to be in their own bed.

Showmethesunny · 09/12/2023 23:14

Again, where have you read this. I’ve never heard anything of the sort

jersydress · 09/12/2023 23:16

This reply has been withdrawn

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

jersydress · 09/12/2023 23:17

MrsSkylerWhite · 09/12/2023 23:14

Four year olds need to be in their own bed.

Do you co sleep with a partner?
Are you younger than four?

marmaladeandpeanutbutter · 09/12/2023 23:18

They grow out of it when they're ready. . Stop worrying.

SleepingStandingUp · 09/12/2023 23:19

MrsSkylerWhite · 09/12/2023 23:14

Four year olds need to be in their own bed.

Why?

redautumnleaves · 09/12/2023 23:22

Co sleeping is biological normal. Don't waste time worrying about it. Time passes so quickly and suddenly they are preteen and just grunt at you. Enjoy these precious moments while you can. Definitely no negative long term problems... quite the opposite as you've made them feel secure and close when they still need that physical closeness.

Showmethesunny · 09/12/2023 23:23

I love sleeping with my 8 year old. Do it about 80% of time. Nothing better

SirVixofVixHall · 09/12/2023 23:24

All across the world people co-sleep. Humans have evolved sleeping together with their children, it is completely normal and natural to want your child close to you and for them to need that closeness too.
I think independence is over-rated in children anyway. A four year old is not an independent person , they are entirely dependent on adults for their survival, and forcing independence on a child is stressful.
My children co slept until about eight I think. They both had beds but preferred to be in with me. When they did move into their own room, they chose to sleep in a double bed together for a few years, then the eldest moved into her own room at about ten or eleven. Mid to late teens now and no issues with independence!

MrsSkylerWhite · 09/12/2023 23:30

leepingStandingUp · Today 23:19

MrsSkylerWhite · Today 23:14

Four year olds need to be in their own bed.

Why?

So that their parents can have sex. Do you, honestly, sleep with your four year old?
if yo do, you’re very unusual. As you know.

Saschka · 09/12/2023 23:33

SutWytTi · 09/12/2023 23:09

I’ve been seeing/reading a lot recently though that says Co-sleeping can have negative effects in the long-term

Where, and who is the author?

Exactly, everything I have read has said the exact opposite. The main worry is over-laying (not likely with a four year old), not giving them anxiety.

DS 7 mostly sleeps in his own bed, but jumps at the chance to share with me (holidays etc where we are by ourselves). I don’t actually like it much, he is like a kicking starfish, pushes me out of the bed, and also wakes me up at 5am “for a chat”, but he adores it. He’s not anxious or over-dependent in any way, he just loves a snuggle.

Delphinium20 · 09/12/2023 23:33

I co-slept with both DDs until age 12ish. We had lovely night time ritual of book reading and then little chats in dark before sleep. DH works night shift and I had long-hours corporate job that didn't get me home until 6:30, hubby left at 8/9 in evenings. This bedtime ritual kept us three feeling safe and connected, and got me to sleep otherwise I'd have spent all night working or cleaning. It was good for me as well as them!

DDs are now independent teen and adult, both healthy and mentally sound. Oldest travels the world, youngest has frequent sleepovers at camp and friends' homes. Very well adjusted and confident young women. So proud!!

DH and I had and still have great sex life - just not at bedtime. Weekend late mornings and evening showers worked well ;)

Mummymummy89 · 09/12/2023 23:34

MrsSkylerWhite · 09/12/2023 23:30

leepingStandingUp · Today 23:19

MrsSkylerWhite · Today 23:14

Four year olds need to be in their own bed.

Why?

So that their parents can have sex. Do you, honestly, sleep with your four year old?
if yo do, you’re very unusual. As you know.

But most people don't have sex literally all night long?

You can have your kid in their own bed in the evening so you can have privacy for a few hours, but then co sleep the rest of the night (when the kid wakes up and climbs in).

That's what we do, and I think it's pretty common even in the uk. I know so many families who say they do the same.

Sequinne · 09/12/2023 23:35

@MrsSkylerWhite
there are other (more adventurous) places to have sex you know. 🤣

It’s obviously not unusual to co-sleep with children, since lots of parents all over the world do it.

headcheffer · 09/12/2023 23:36

redautumnleaves · 09/12/2023 23:22

Co sleeping is biological normal. Don't waste time worrying about it. Time passes so quickly and suddenly they are preteen and just grunt at you. Enjoy these precious moments while you can. Definitely no negative long term problems... quite the opposite as you've made them feel secure and close when they still need that physical closeness.

Agree with all of this

MrsSkylerWhite · 09/12/2023 23:37

This site is mad. Most children sleep in their own beds from 18 months or so.

Whatever you tell yourselves 😁

chillin12 · 09/12/2023 23:37

Hi OP, in my culture, it’s more common, than not, to co-sleep. I did for ages as a child. 4 is still very young!! It was just the norm tbh and we didn’t have space then for extra rooms etc. I like to think I turned out fine 😂 I’m super independent now and became so, very early as a child. I lived on my own for years before I got married. Not overly attached either, in fact, my parents probably think I should be closer to them. Absolutely no link whatsoever from my understanding.

headache · 09/12/2023 23:40

As a species we always co-slept, it’s only very recently we’ve started sleeping away from each other in our own rooms and got this idea that our babies must be in their own little boxes with bats on them in their own rooms.

All other animals co sleep for warmth and protection too. I love when the dog or cats seek me out to snuggle up to me and fall asleep.

I don’t think it’s anyone else’s business how long you cosleep for

MrsSkylerWhite · 09/12/2023 23:44

headache · Today 23:40

As a species we always co-slept, it’s only very recently we’ve started sleeping away from each other in our own rooms and got this idea that our babies must be in their own little boxes with bats on them in their own rooms.
**
All other animals co sleep for warmth and protection too. I love when the dog or cats seek me out to snuggle up to me and fall asleep”

co-sleeping increases the chance of SIDS.

I

howrudeforme · 09/12/2023 23:47

Think most of the world cosleep. Lots of reasons.

i coslept with DS until he was about six and happy to sleep in his own room. Then again from 9-10 post divorce and we moved and he was scared of the creaks in the stairs etc.

hes fine I’m fine.

really doesn’t matter. I didn’t really do strict bedtime routines either. Each family unit does what’s best for their family unit.

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