Tips on how to manage sleep deprivation and night dread

[WoollleyMunk]

Hi,

I'm a new mum (got a 13 day old) and I am exhausted. I know that there is sleep deprivation in newborns anyways but I'm finding it extra hard as I'm on a feeding plan of BF and then formula and having to pump. I also have a broken ankle so can't walk around easily. Because of that my DH is having to do more in the day and wants to do the nights which is hard. DH then gave me a chance to nap for 1-2 hours and I couldn't sleep!

I am now dreading tonight. Don't know how I'm going to handle it. I feel exhausted already. Then I have the stress that my DS isn't getting enough food. Often DS will sleep but won't settle back into cot so I have to hold him.

What do you do/tips on surviving the nights and how to stay awake, not fall asleep holding him, handle the lack of sleep and dread?

If you are BF. it is much safer to plan to co sleep safely, rather than risking falling asleep holding the baby. This video gave me the confidence to do it safely

Honestly the stress of trying to fall asleep is something I never conquered. My DS is nearly 3yrs old and I haven't had more than a few consecutive hours of sleep for years! (His sleep is terrible)

We split the night to ensure that I got a chunk of sleep every night. If you pump and use formula anyway then this could work for you.

I would do a final feed followed by a pump at about 8.30 and would go up to bed at 9pm leaving baby with dp in a moses basket. He would stay up until 1ish and do feed to get him back to sleep then bring him to me. The moses basket slotted into the next to me cot. Dh would then sleep and I would wake up next time baby did and takeover with breastfeeding.

Keep everything quite and dark once it is night time both downstairs and up in your room. We had a very faint light that I used upstairs that was just enough to see by. This should help baby learn what is day time and night time.

This tactic means your night waking comes after a decent sleep. It's important to separate yourself so you can't hear baby crying downstairs as you will wake up anyway.

Those 4 hours saved me from insanity I swear.

I couldn't co-sleep at all. Too dangerous for me as I toss and turn.

We used this technique for both mine and they both slept 9-5 at about 12-13 weeks.

Have the mantra "a rest is almost as good as a sleep"- so even if you are unable to get to sleep, you can appreciate the fact that you are lying down in the dark, warm and comfortable, which will be doing your body and brain almost as much good as actually being asleep. Really helped me when I was suffering from insomnia when my baby was a few months old.

It's super hard being on that feeding regime OP, plus a broken ankle is a right fucker! Poor you.

I had insomnia throughout both my pregnancies then sleeplessness with babies who didn't sleep through for a long time. First baby I had to do a feeding plan like you and it was awful.

I think it helps not to fight it - accept you'll be exhausted without resenting it or thinking it's forever. It's a bit like moving to a hot country, you need to adjust to a different pace of life. Reduce your expectations of what you can get done and accept that your main activity now is feeding and caring for your baby and trying to get enough rest. Everything else can wait.

I found hypnosis tapes helped - headphones on and listen to it and you'll drift off and be less annoyed even if you don't exactly sleep. Like this one - don't know if it's any good but this is the kind of thing! https://www.youtube.com/watch?app=desktop&v=_5L8zpzK1qQ

I found co-sleeping a godsend as well, I was sometimes excruciatingly tired but if my baby was out of sight I'd get very tetchy and anxious and unable to sleep. Sleeping with the baby next to me helped. To get the baby in the cot, it can help to wait for a while once the baby is asleep so they are deeply asleep when you try to put them down, and therefore less likely to stir. Wait a few minutes, then when down (preferably on a warmish surface) put your hand on the baby's tummy for a bit, as this mimics being held. White noise also used to help us.

I'd also give yourself permission to not bf if it doesn't work out, or to knock the pumping on the head and combi feed then try to reduce formula and increase your supply in due course if that works for you. The benefits of bf must always be weighed against the impact it can have on your mental health and stress levels.

Also keep it dark as pp said, and get some fresh air and sunlight during the day if you can. Even if it's standing on your doorstep for a few minutes.