Any proven remedies to help 2.5 year old sleep through

[LJDJGJFJ]

I am willing to try ANYTHING (that is safe obviously).

We have a strong bedtime routine which we've always had, bath, story in a dimmed room, bed.
He goes to sleep on his own very well, but wakes so much after midnight. I would say between 11pm and 4:30am, we are up about every 2 hours to settle him. Then between 4:30am and 6am, when we actually get up, either one of us are down to settle him every 20-30mins. There's no point after 4:30 in us even trying to settle ourselves to sleep.

I feel like for his whole life so far, all we have lived on is short lived naps and never a full night sleep. I feel I'll from it! We didn't have this with our eldest at all (he slept though from around 4 months old unless he was ill) - they are a prime example of no child is ever the same haha!

We have tried just leaving him (hoping he will gather that we wont come and he needs to sleep) as we don't know what else to try anymore, but he does not give up even after an hour. Leaving him just makes him frustrated and angry and then we have a bad day with him.

He now refuses a nap in the day, I think that's totally out of the window now and he's naturally dropped it himself.

People say let other people have him over night to give us some rest but there are two issues with that - no one will as they know how difficult he is at night and when people do, they just set up bad habits in him (like sleeping in grandmas bed or getting him food and milk in the night to help settle him) - this does not help us in the long run sonic rather just stick to our own routines when we know they will be stuck with and just find a way.

Any room scents that helped your 2.5 year old sleep through?
Any other ideas? I really don't know what to suggest or ask about anymore.

We have spoken to health visitor and since then have reduced his drinking during the day as it was catching up with him of a night time making him wake all night for wees but he rarely needs a wee at night now since fixing that. He does however still wake and cry until settled.

Hi, I have a similar problem with my 25 year old son. He goes to sleep fine in his cot bed (still in our room unfortunately, sleeps for a few hours then wake up crying. I settle him back down and he wakes up again, this goes on for hours until about 2/3am, where I just give up and sleep on the sofa with him so husband and rest of family can sleep. I’ve slept on the sofa for about 2 years now 😡 I now have an issues as to how to sleep train him without waking up the whole family. All I know is that I can’t go on any longer. My back is shot with sleeping on sofa, it’s badly affecting my marriage. Last night he woke at 3.30am so downstairs we went only for him to be completely wide awake kicking, screaming wanting tv on wanting my phone juice etc etc this went on until my phone died at 6.30am and he was awake again at 8.30 ! So I had 2 hrs sleep in total. Will be watching your post with interest. Just wanted to comment so you know you are not alone and hopefully your son will settle into a routine that works for you all

Do you have white noise in his room?

What do you do when you go in when he’s woken up?

I’d suggest leaving him for 5 mins, and then going in and shushing, patting etc, but no lights, no talking, little hug only, no out of cot. Then leave and if he’s still fussing, back in after 10 mins and repeat etc. Let him know you’re still there, but it’s not fun time. It won’t work in 1 night but if you’re consistent, he should figure it out within a week.

And with regard to nap, I’d still put him in his room every day for quiet time. He might fall asleep.

I do child care and have never had a child under 3.5 that didn’t take a good nap! They were all also great nighttime sleepers. It’s been my experience that sleep begets more sleep.

@Lizzieregina

He is only with me once a week in the day time (in addition to weekends so 3 days a week over 7 days).

He is in daycare nursery twice a week and with grandparents twice a week (once my mum and once his dads mum). He hasn't napped for grandparents for a couple of months now and then nursery he has refused naps for for about a month now, even when all the other children are napping, he just won't nap for them anymore. He's been there since he was 6 months old and they've never really had problems getting him to nap other than the last few months when they've had to jump through hoops to get him to nap. Seems to have got to the point now where he's just point blank refusing the nap in nursery. And now even for us in his own home so I think he has dropped it.

I was still managing to get him to nap at home as routine was the same - in his own room, door shut, light off etc. but I now have the same problem with him napping since the last couple of weeks. If we have been out for the day and he is genuinely tired, he might possibly fall asleep in the car for a bit which I allow as it's the only nap he will take now.

We have always been sticklers for routine and "going by the book" if you like, we do all that you are suggesting about night times but honestly end up sat outside his room for what feels like the whole night as the popping into him every 5-10 mins (never a light on) putting him back down and shushing and patting just doesn't ever seem to work for him, it could go on for an hour or so! He's now started climbing out of his cot bed so next job is to change to toddler bed - not sure if that will help or make things harder! Xx

@Rachaelc1981 I'm assuming to mean 2.5 year old and not 25 year old! Haha! It's so hard isn't it... one thing I'd say, is we've never brought our son down in the night and just have to make sure his big brothers door is shut.. he's never seemed to wake his older brother thankfully! I hope my post helps you find some ideas! Xx

@Lizzieregina

Also, we don't have any white noise in his room... is there anything you'd suggest with this noise?

Yes. It's called 'time'.

Some kids just don't sleep. You cant force it until they are ready to sleep. It's like learning anything else in life. Some kids develop sleeping later than others and it's normal.

We have this weird idea that kids should be sleeping by 2.5years old. There's absolutely no evidence that they should. The normal range is much older than that.

I think knowing and understanding this, is helpful in itself. Stop torturing yourself in terms of what you are 'doing wrong' and stop making it into a drama / conflict point. This, ironically, should help anyway. Kids will pick up on your stress at bedtime - that's not going to help them sleep is it?

Just take them back to bed when required and enjoy cuddles if wanted. The more you battle it, the harder it is physically and mentally for you.

Cosleep? Safely I mean.

Haha oops yeah that’s not meant to say 25 ! Serious issues if he was 25 haha. I use white noise and lights for my son to fall asleep to, unfortunately it turns itself off after 45 mins. I use a red light (shapes are stars and moons) and white noise is gentle water. There are lots of apps to use for white noise for children, I like to use an actual baby/toddler night light. There is something called a gro clock, it has a blue moon and a sun. It tells the time and the picture changes depending on the time of night. It’s meant to help with children understanding when it’s night time to sleep and when it’s daytime to wake, I think they are about £20 but can get them cheaper on eBay. Maybe worth a look 🤷‍♀️ X

Do you ever let him sleep in your bed? This worked for us in terms of maximising sleep when we had night time wakings. Pretty much everyone in our NCT has ended up with a toddler in the bed for a few months at some stage. I think some children wake up in their own beds, alone in the dark at night, and are just anxious for a connection with their parent. I remember distinctly having this feeling as a child and hopping in between my parents in the dead of night so I could get warm and cosy and feel close to them as I fell back to sleep. If you really cant handle that, one of my siblings introduced a "nest bed" in their room, which was basically a mattress on the floor for their child to sleep in when they woke in the night. His mum could settle him in there (and sleep there herself if needed), before slinking back into her own bed. I'm a big believer in ignoring going "by the book" if it doesn't serve your family.

A few ideas: Plenty of exercise in the daytime and daylight as early in the day as possible? Not much screen time and none after dinner in the evening or at night? Not too early a bedtime (but not late late)? Nice warm room at night or blankets to stay cosy, tuck in bedding if they're kicking it off and getting cold? Try playing the same soothing music and patting a heartbeat on their bum as they drift off every bedtime then use it in the night to get them back to sleep? Ask them what the matter is- cold, hungry, thirsty, need a wee, sore teeth/tummy/poorly, scared of dark, want cuddles (provide a teddy), want to play (no, sleep first, play in the morning). Good luck!

they just set up bad habits in him (like sleeping in grandmas bed or getting him food and milk in the night to help settle him

These may be bad habits, but with a kid who sleeps this badly (my dd was the same and is only a little better now at 3yo), you have to think outside the box.

Not enough sleep is bad. Co sleeping might be considered to be "a bad habit" (arguable) but it's a case of choose your bad.

My dd woke us up an hour ago saying she was hungry so we gave her an apple and some water. She went back to sleep about 15min later, in our bed. Sure, it's not ideal (it's pretty rare she needs a midnight snack, usually just the co sleeping does it) but being awake for hours in the night is definitely worse imo.

(Usually I can get back to sleep quickly but I've got a lot on my mind atm so going on mn instead!)

Edit: basically my point is, you don't sound like you mean it when you say this I am willing to try ANYTHING if you consider co sleeping a "bad habit"!

@Rachaelc1981 we have a groclock (the Ollie owl one) but he gets out of bed and has figured how to use it so wakes Ollie up himself! X

@Raverquaver I have considered this and did do it when he was much younger but it never worked, he moves so much in his sleep it made it very hard for myself and my husband to sleep. Also, as contradicting as it sounds, as we do struggle being up and down to his bedroom, our time as a couple is very important once the kids have gone to bed and we simply wouldn't have us time if he was staying in our room. I also don't want to set up a bad routine as I think this would set us up very badly for the future. When he is under the weather or poorly we have set him up input room but not on an ordinary night xx

@FTMbg I think some of your comments are relevant to us. I think his room does have a tendency to get cold of a night once the heating has gone off (we have it on a timer).

He goes to bed bang on 7am and does go down absolutely fine but if we have been out until after his bedtime for whatever reason, going to bed later doesn't seem to make any difference to his wake times, he just ends up with less sleep that night.

He has a toddler duvet but hates it so ends up with multiple light blankets over him. He has a couple of close teddies that he sleeps with too xx

I always recommend these... The kids meditations by Christianne Kerr. Available on Spotify or CD. Worked wonders with mine.

If you got him a little alexa or a cd player he could get them on himself?

@Mummymummy89 I have tried him in our bed on our worst nights but it resets him and causes him to wake, we then get less sleep then if we were popping down to him, he constantly tosses and turns and it's impossible to sleep while co sleeping with us. I understand I said I will do anything, but this is something that simply doesn't work for us xx

Ah ok, was just a thought but on a lighter note, you have to give it to your son, that’s pretty clever ! Haha x

Ours is a wriggler and would lose the duvet then wake up cold so at the moment we put toddler duvet sideways across toddler bed and tuck in just the very end at each side so it's loose but stays on despite wriggling, think I learnt that here. Could be worth a try. Good luck.