Baby will not sleep!

[Andimdone]

Help please. First time posting, I’m a FTM to a 6 month old and just need some advice. She is EBF. She has never been the best sleeper, however at the moment she is horrendous. She literally fights me every single time she needs to sleep and I can see she is tired. I pay attention to her wake windows but she just won’t have it. She will climb all over me, scratch me, pinch me, and scream. Some nights can take me 2.5 hours to settle her.
I currently have mastitis, a fever and flu and am extremely stressed with work. With everything going on I’m loosing my mind and when she won’t settle I sometimes have to put her down for 5-10 minutes as I can feel myself getting so annoyed. I know it’s not her fault but there is only so much I can take, but it just makes me feel like such a bad mum when I start to loose my temper. She will not settle with her dad and never has (she very rarely will let him change her nappy without loosing it) so the last 6 months everything has been down to me. We had a 4 month sleep regression is there a 6 month? Please tell me this won’t last. Sorry for the rant but I’m just at my wits end and feeling like an awful mum. any advice is appreciated

Maybe she's teething

Give her some Calpol

They have a growth spurt at 6mo so it could hopefully just be growing pains. Solidarity here as my 14mo still fights sleep though from about 13mo he finally started sleeping through 😊 I know it's not useful but I promise it will pass. Hope it settles down for you soon🤞

Mirrormeback - thanks for the reply. She seems to be ok with her teething at the moment, she’s had 3 through but now seems to be having a little break. When she’s teething she has a different cry and calpol will always help.

Devilsmommy - thanks so much. I’m hoping that it is just a growth spurt. She was awful at 4 months so it may be this. It’s just hard when you’re exhausted and have tried everything. Thanks for the support and hope your little one improves aswell x

She will not settle with her dad and never has (she very rarely will let him change her nappy without loosing it) so the last 6 months everything has been down to me

You need to sort this out.

I know. And I have tried. He’s at work a lot so not around a great deal. Baby will just reach a new level of screaming with him and unfortunately he also doesn’t preserve with her because she gets so bad.

6 month is a terrible time with growth spurts teething, developmental milestones you name it. It's important to remember that these things are always a phase, even though they are very tough at the time!

Also go you for having the discipline and awareness to know when you have had enough and put baby down when you are overwhelmed! It is nothing to be ashamed of and is so much better than the alternative.

Onto the advice, I too had a EBF baby who screamed at dad when he tried to re-settle her in the evening. It was a long process with alot if patience and determination from dad but we got there in the end to the point where it's actually faster to send dad most of the time now. I just let him go in and deal with the crying, and let him find his way to sooth DC which will be different to yours. DC was well fed, comfortable and safe at this point which is important to remember, they just need a bit of extra love. (On bad nights when particularly unsettled, I would take DC to a different room for both of us to have a change of scenery. I would keep lights dim, and not get out toys / anything too stimulating but I found mentally for me the break was needed, not sure if this is something that could help ?). Night time is the best time to try this as sleep pressure should be higher. I read somewhere to leave baby crying for no longer than ten mins, I don't know what the science behind this is or if there's any truth in it but it worked well for us to have a limit before I would go in and take over. Now this did take a few weeks of dad going into to try every day, as it was a gentler approach with me going back in to swap if she didn't settle but personally I did not want to allow crying for any longer as it was upsetting for all involved. After we were able to do this, dad then started putting DC to bed himself to give me the night off! DC still wakes frequently (sometimes 5+times a night on a bad night) for comfort feeds but I am ok with this and part time co sleep to help all of us get rest. It works well for us 😊

Could you go away for a weekend? That would help the two of them get to know each other better.

I wouldn't go away for a weekend, that's too much too soon, but I'd definitely let him do the nappies and find his own way to soothe her etc. Is she ready for solid food? While milk has more calories solid food might fill her up better and help her settle longer at night.

Good point by @Junemoon222

Also personally with my baby the wake windows thing didn't work well. I use my intuition and put her down when she's obviously getting grumpy and sleepy. Much easier IMO!

No advice OP, just solidarity. Mine is a similar age and fights sleep to the bitter end. Luckily she is formula fed and so my partner has always been able to feed her and bond this way, so she will let him put her down when she’s done dicking around fighting sleep 😵
To the point about putting her down two hours later, she might need to go a bit later but two hours is a long time! That’s a whole wake window and if she’s like mine and is ready for bed then you get an overtired, overstimulated baby that then really won’t settle. Maybe her bedtime is too late, or the routine is too long? For instance I don’t bathe my girl before bed because she finds this far too stimulating and it has the opposite effect of a nighttime routine.
Good luck OP. People tell me this will pass, but in the meantime you are not alone xx

Another thing is could you and your partner share the bedtime routine and then you come in and finish it with a breastfeed? That's what we do. Husband plays a special 'sleepy song' (his is slow jazz but you could choose classical or whatever you like) and walks around with baby patting and shh-ing. Once she's drowsy I come in and breastfeed.

A bonus of choosing a song is also that hopefully baby develops a sleep association. I definitely think it sounds like you're trying to put baby down before she's sleepy enough at naps and bedtime.

@YetiSeven @BurbageBrook thanks so much for your comments and for your support. It is so much appreciated and apologies I haven’t responded sooner. So little one seems to have improved massively over the Christmas period, however just before this she started crawling and had more teeth coming through. I think her poor sleeping may have been down to these big changes coming up. My OH spent more time with her over the Xmas period and she is a lot better with him now. She still only wants me for nap and sleep time, which means I can’t leave her, but we will keep working on it!

Really glad it's feeling more positive and baby is sleeping better! The cliche that 'everything is a phase' with babies really is true.