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Sleep

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Original poster

Calling all parents who co sleep ...

22 replies

justanothermanicmonday1 · 07/12/2023 15:34

How on earth did you make the transition to the bed/cot?

I have a 4.5 month old who will only sleep with me in bed (safely following guidelines) DP is on the sofa.

She used to sleep quite soundly in her moses basket, but she got too big for it, so we moved to the next to me. Then the 4 month regression hit as well and it's been quite tough. Shes now back to wakening up every 3 hours for a feed.

If she next to me in bed, she'll sleep all night. Last night was 11:30 until 7:30.

I understand she' still very small, however we never had this with my eldest. I know two babies aren't the same but I'd like her to sleep in her own space.

Thanks.

OP posts:

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Sanch1 · 07/12/2023 15:36

We toughed it out until she was 6 months, sleep regression never improved, and then moved her into her cot and did controlled crying. Took two nights. Not for everyone but it worked for us.

LolaSmiles · 07/12/2023 15:39

Mine went from a next to me crib, to our bed, to their own bed when they were ready. They were toddlers though.We tried when they were younger, it didn't work, and we weren't willing to use some of the sleep training techniques.

It was reasonably low stress because they were ready. The important thing was that at each stage everyone was getting the sleep they needed.

LucyInTheParkWithDragons · 07/12/2023 15:48

Sanch1 · 07/12/2023 15:36

We toughed it out until she was 6 months, sleep regression never improved, and then moved her into her cot and did controlled crying. Took two nights. Not for everyone but it worked for us.

Exactly this, for two babies.

DD2 is 7.5 months. In November she was in with me, or waking hourly in the cot. Now she’s waking once or twice in the cot for a quick feed, but otherwise sleeping 7-7.30.

rockymimosa · 07/12/2023 15:53

I wish I knew. My 2 year old is still in with us every night

carddino · 07/12/2023 15:56

@rockymimosa 5,4......same other 5 and 2 year old couldn't care less. So I don't think it's me, it's just all them.

I just bought a bigger bed and remind myself they will stop when teenagers.

NoCloudsAllowed · 07/12/2023 15:56

At that age, sleeping through is awesome - if just stick with it or get a bigger bed.

We used to transfer to next to me thing once DC was fully asleep. Worked sometimes. Sleep trained eventually.

cbbo · 07/12/2023 15:58

I did sleep training, controlled crying method and worked successfully after 3 days.
We started in the morning with a nap, rather than starting at night. Follow the rules exactly, and it works well. If that's a method you are interested in.

HorseAreBetterThanHumans · 07/12/2023 16:00

DD moved into their own bed when they were a teen!

Mind you, DD has ASD and we had a year of specialist support who basically told us at the end, don't worry they'll go in their own bed when they're ready 😂

Sparthan · 07/12/2023 16:03

There was literally no way to persuade my child to go in a cot on his own! We ended up in the situation you describe - me and baby in bed, DH on the sofa. Obviously it was unsustainable. So we put a double bed in the baby’s room for me and the baby, while DH slept in our bed. Sometimes I slept all night with the baby, other times I was able to sneak away once he was asleep and go next door to be with DH. Then when the baby cried I would get back in with him again. Back and forth, back and forth. Obviously the room had to be child proof in case he got out of bed!

Now he’s old enough to be put to bed and left. But it’s still handy having a double bed because if he cries or feels unwell one of us can get in with him.

Mummymummy89 · 07/12/2023 16:09

We are probably an extreme case but we couldn't get dd into her own bed until she was ready to climb in and out of an open cot/bed, at 18mo. We turned the cot into an open cotbed and had it in our room: I'd climb in and BF her to sleep in it then ninja roll out. She'd inevitably wake up in the night and climb out of her bed into ours, but at least we had the evening free (and eg could have some couple time in the spare room...!)

At 2yo we put her in her own bed in her own room, but again she often (nearly every night) climbs out of it and runs into our room to climb into ours. Things didn't get easier when she weaned off breastfeeding at 2.5y, so don't bother trying weaning for this purpose (unless you want to for other reasons)

Mummymummy89 · 07/12/2023 16:11

My dd has always absolutely hated a traditional cot, used to wail at the bars like it was a cage, and tbf it kind of is like a cage. That's why we couldn't progress till she could be in an open bed and did that as early as safely possible

Fluffyc1ouds · 07/12/2023 16:11

Sounds like you're living the dream with a baby that age sleeping for that long. I'd be sticking with it!

It took us a long time to get a 10 month old to sleep in his own cot. Eventually we managed it with controlled crying but I wouldn't have wanted to do that if he was much younger.

Mariluisa · 07/12/2023 16:18

We didn’t make the transition! Had borrowed a cot in our room but DC1 just screamed from the get go but was fine in our bed. So glad we didn’t pay for one as it wouldn’t have got used.

God a king size mattress when we moved the following year. Each DC moved to their own room at some point between toddler and 3 and 4. Can’t remember exactly because it was gradual. They already had a single bed in their room where their clothes and toys were.

At first they’d start the night in own bed and come in to our room in the night. Then later and later till it was almost morning by the age of 6 or so.

Having their beds before they really used them made musical beds easy during illness or one of us needing to get up early in the morning etc

whitetip · 07/12/2023 16:23

I waited till he was 8 years old 😂 he doesnt even let me perch on his bed for a cuddle now 🥲

StopLickingTheDog · 07/12/2023 16:23

Mine made his own way to his own bed at 4.5....

Years.

So probably not much help!

I think it's very normal to want to sleep better with a parent. I can't think of a mammal that don't sleep with their mother,even whale babies do. A next to me crib worked well for us whilst he was small enough to fit in it to give us a bit more space

Lovethatforyou · 07/12/2023 16:25

our 6 yo went from his next 2 me crib into our bed and never left 😁 the three of us like it like that 🙈

IncompleteSenten · 07/12/2023 16:28

Well, they're in their 20s now and don't come into my bed so it all works out in the end 😁

we had such a time of it that we ended up turning one bedroom into basically a giant floor mattress and all sleeping in there. After a couple of years the kids chose to sleep in their own rooms instead.

I think you have to decide what matters more right now. A good night's sleep or them in their own bed.

cossmoss · 07/12/2023 16:36

At 6 months swapped the (barely used) next to me for the cot in our room, did a fair bit of putting down him down in there for a couple of weeks but didn't really work, and think we were disturbing him. Put the cot back in his room and would feed him to sleep in bed and then put him down in the cot (experimented with on his front, side, etc) and let him have the first stretch of sleep in there then bring him back into bed after that. Took a couple of weeks for that first stretch of sleep to lengthen but wasn't really a struggle. Now progressed to doing two long stretches of sleep in there (I feed to sleep and don't expect him to self settle, but occasionally he has done so on the night without any intervention from us) and if he wakes after 4am he'll come into bed with us. No sleep training, just a staggered approach and trying and accepting whatever bits of sleep he could manage in there as a win.

Look up sleepymoonbabe on Instagram for gentle/responsive approaches to moving away from co sleeping, I found her stuff really helpful.

GodspeedJune · 07/12/2023 16:44

If you have such a young baby sleeping through I wouldn’t do anything to rock the boat!

Even as adults we often prefer to sleep close to someone. I’ve accepted my one year old will be in bed with us for the foreseeable!

MWNA · 07/12/2023 17:43

HorseAreBetterThanHumans · 07/12/2023 16:00

DD moved into their own bed when they were a teen!

Mind you, DD has ASD and we had a year of specialist support who basically told us at the end, don't worry they'll go in their own bed when they're ready 😂

Similar here. My ASD daughter is 9 and I can't see us stopping the family bedroom any time soon. It works perfectly for all concerned.

Pastaf0rbreakfast · 07/12/2023 21:59

When DS outgrew the next to me (around 6 months) we made a sidecar cot, so used a cotbed and took one side off, then attached it to our bed using straps underneath.

You need to make sure your mattress and the cot mattresses are completely level and that any gaps are filled (we used cut to size piece of firm foam to fill the gap on the far side).

You still need to follow safe cosleeping guidance such as taking steps to ensure your pillow and duvet stay away from baby but it is the best of both worlds with having a separate sleep surface but still being close to you and able to bedshare in night if needed. Also means DP can be back in bed as you’ll be between DP and baby, although from about 9/10 months we were happy with baby being between us at night so would sometimes do that too.

We moved him into his own room at around 15 months and now at 2.3yrs he will either sleep through in his bed or come and get in between us at some point during the night and we are all happy with this set up.

gotomomo · 07/12/2023 22:09

Mine co slept until they were ready. 2.5 for one, 6 yrs for the other

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