Please help me..

[sotiredhelpme]

I need advice because I am tired, stressed and now also feeling unwell..
My DD is two in two weeks, she’s always been a great sleeper other than a couple of sleep regressions. Lately, she does not go to bed for me but does for her dad. I managed to get her going to bed for me for a few nights but then Friday night that changed totally and she just refused. I take her up to bed awake, lay her down and kiss her good night etc and leave.. she screams.. I go back to rub her back and calm her.. walk out and she screams again to the point I’m so tired having to keep doing that I have to bring her downstairs to settle. When DP puts her to bed, she goes first time without a fuss.. DP can’t always be here in the evenings but when he has, I hide away just before DDs bedtime so she goes to sleep without a fuss. Is there anything I can do to get her to go to bed well for me? I’m so stressed and worn out..

That sounds really stressful and exhausting.

It sounds like she is playing you like a Stratocaster. If you stop returning to her room every time she hollers. she will stop the game. But I know it's much easier said than done.

@Grimmz so exhausting.. I feel like just leaving her to cry until she stops but I know this is majorly frowned upon plus I always struggle with hearing her cry, I feel the need to go to her.. but I also feel like if I just let her do it, maybe she'll learn I won't come running? I also don't want her to go to bed sad thinking I'm just leaving her :(

It's up to you, but I think at her age (toddler, not a newborn) so will cope just fine. You're allowed to set boundaries - it's necessary for your sake as well as hers.

@Grimmz thank you, I know she's playing me as I am softer, just find it hard to be stricter than my DP (not that he has to be strict really as she's not such a little terror at bedtime with him)

Can you not sit with her until she falls asleep and then leave? This is what we do for our toddler and most nights we're in and out in 15/20 minutes which is a small price to pay for a calm bedtime.

@KY2021 I have tried this but she just wants to play, I've tried rubbing her hair, back etc but sits up and thinks it's playtime

I ended up doing controlled crying with one of my DC because I had this trouble at a similar age. I listened to podcasts with headphones outside his room and then went back in every few minutes at increasing time intervals. The podcasts helped me as I wasn't just sitting listening but it was tough and I'm sure plenty of people will tell you it's cruel.

For me, I was really struggling and needed to find a way to settle him so I could have some time in the evening to do other things and rediscover a bit of myself. At the time it felt like forever but in reality in less than two weeks he was settling without more than a token protest. He's now 10 and seems perfectly well adjusted so I have no regrets. I get that's it's not for everyone and you do have to want to do it, preferably with your DPs support, but I think it's worth considering.

You could try building up the minutes you leave her, 2 minutes, 4 minutes, 6 minutes etc. Go in each time and let her see you are there, make it boring but so she knows you are there. It'll take time but she will eventually stay settled.