Why won't he stay asleep?

[Stefka]

My DS is a terrible sleeper. It takes us ages to get him to go to sleep and each time he wakes in the night it takes ages to get him back down.

Last night he was up about five times between 7 and 12 which my DH dealt with while I was in bed getting some sleep. He was then up at 12.30 - I fed him to sleep, put him down and he woke up two minutes later, rocked him - he woke up two minutes later, fed him again - woke up five minutes later, rocked again - woke up 20 minutes later, changed his nappy incase that was bothering him and fed again - this went on for two hours. He then slept for an hour and woke again every hour until five when I brought him into bed with me but he still woke up about four times until half six when he woke up for the day.

He's 20 weeks. I am so tired I think I might be a danger to society!

Hi Stefka. This is hard. Are you bf? If so it could be he wants comfort and a cuddle... have you tried to let him cry himself to sleep? Even at this age they know if they cry mum will come, and they can get into the routine of this. Do you have a mobile above his cot? does he sleep in your room, or do you have him settled in his own room? Is he too hot or cold? Have you tried to swaddle him? Sometimes this helps reassure the baby of being held tight and secure. Also if you're bf put some milk onto a cloth nearby baby so he can smell you close.

I went through simialr with my DS too and i was bf. He had occassional nights when he wanted comforted every few minutes, and it is tiring, but it is also hard not to attend to him when he cries!

If all fails, do speak to your GP or Health Visitor about his lack of sleep/feeding habits but also do not fail to explain how you're feeling. That's the most important bit! - YOU!!! If you're tired and stressed it'll all seem much worse.

Let me know how you get on. xx

He is in his own room but I can't bear to leave him to cry. I find anyway that the sooner I get to him the sooner I get him back to sleep. If I leave him he just gets worked up and very awake and it takes longer. I will try the cloth trick! I did speak to the HV but she told me to leave him to cry and I just feel he is too small for that.

they definitely have a growth/developmental spurt at this age. it will get better but i remember that awful so 'tired my organs are going to fail' feeling.

i don't agree with letting such a wee baby cry themselves to sleep.

sorry no advice to allieviate your tiredness just sympathy

Stefka, if you're not happy leaving your baby to cry then don't feel pressured to do it. Personally I think it's nonsense that at 20 weeks people are suggesting he's manipulating you.

This was an absolutely horendous age for us sleep wise as they have a massive growth spurt and developmentally are changing rapidly.

I'd say get what ever sleep you can, co sleep, go to bed extra early one night, sleep during the day if possible and ride it out. It will get better. You may find that you have periods like this during the first year as so much is happening but he will get better with time.

Stefka; just browsing and saw this....Honey I'm so, so sorry you have had another dreadful night... I wish I lived nearby to give you some respite...glad that your DH is trying to help but is there no friend or relative nearby that could take him out in his pram for a couple of hours during the day to let you recharge your batteries?
As you know my lo improved at 20 wks (not that he was ever quite so bad...it was every 2 hours for me)I can't offer more advice than has already been given (both the cloth and the swaddling ideas sound good)...the sad thing is that he is exhausting himself as well as you...All I can offer is hope;....When it improves (and it will one way or another)the difference is phenomenal for both of you. My lo, once he started sleeping better at night then started having serious naps (1hr+) at least twice during the day (he never had more than 10 mins when he was sleeping badly)and is now noticably much happier, more active and more alert when he is awake...he is a joy now and I'm not carrying hold-alls under my eyes, a danger to other road users and a misery of a wife for my poor dh.
I do hope lo gets the idea soon.

Oh, incidentally what does he sleep on? I ran out of clean, dry sheets for the Amby on Tuesday night and was forced to use a light fleece blanket instead as a base sheet, and lo slept past his usual 4am feed and didnt rouse until 6am! Last night with the clean sheets now dry he was back on crisp, cool cotton and woke at 4am as usual...I wonder if the soft warm fleece made the difference? It has to be worth experimenting...or am I grasping at straws?

First of all, you are not alone. I know how frustrating it is - that feeling that there must be a magic solution that everyone knows but you. I wish there was - my ds is 23 weeks and wakes every hour through the night. My dd was a dreadful sleeper too, and I found the No Cry Sleep Solution book very helpful.

There are lots of reasons why your DS might be like this - frequent feeding might be a sign he has wind (they get trapped in a cycle of sucking for comfort for the wind, which then puts more milk on top of the bubble...); alternatively (or as well!) it may be that he takes on enough to fall asleep, but which is isn't enough to fill him up, so he wakes up again hungry.

As for the "every hour" thing, that may be down to his sleep cycle. I think that a baby's sleep cycle is every hour - like adults, they have different levels of sleep, but we wake slightly then drift back off. He may be unable to settle himself back to sleep. If you think that's the case, there are various methods of trying to encourage settling, as outlined in divedaisy's thread. My ds has eczema, so when he wakes he's too itchy to settle - I've gone for a strategy of co-sleeping and bf him to sleep to try to get through this!

You will get lots of other useful advice on here. I suggest you come up with a list of things it MIGHT be, based on your experience of ds, and then tackle them one at a time. Give each "solution" a few days to work, before you try the next one, otherwise your ds will get confused and you'll feel more demented!

I hope it gets better for you soon. I'm off to try my "coffee and cake" coping strategy now!! But if you do find a magic answer, please will you tell it to me?!

I think you may be lucky Floria some babies sleep well and yours does sound a dream.

My DD was horrendous and my experience talking to others is that it's not that uncommon and there are no simple solutions. Only time. They're all different.

Stefka, What you're describing is really really common and don't let yourself get bogged down in it. I used to feel like such a failure because I couldn't get DD to sleep but slowly but surely she's come around to the idea and now sleeps much much better. It's all consuming at the moment but have hope and catch up on the zzzzz.

Hi Stefka

My DS is the same, but he is only 9 weeks. He goes to bed at 7pm and then wakes up at 2am for a feed. I feed him, he seems to be happy and full but he will not settle in his cot afterwards. This can go on for hours and it's no fun. I just think that some babies are like this, particularly if they are bf.

BI, can I just say that if your lo is like this at 9 weeks you are very very lucky. That is very young to have any kind of pattern let alone a night time one. A seven hour sleep is increadible. Don't think my DD managed more than 4 at a stretch until she was about 8 months!

In answer to the original OP - it's because he is a baby!

It's hard at this age, but it does get better. Try to go with it now, sleep when he sleeps, rest in the day, and befiore you know it you'll be onto the next stage.

Is he possible cold during the night?
Does he sleep during the day?
At 20 weeks he will be to old to be swaddled ime.
do leave him to cry it out he is far too young to understand you're not coming back.
Do you feed him on demand, is it possible that he might need to be "tanked" up towards late evening? That means you feed him more often until you go to sleep.
Does the house go very quiet when he goes to sleep? can you leave the TV on or make a bit of noise so that he does not feel "left alone"?
He might be a bit young, but could he be teething?
Is he coming down with a cold?

Loads of questions, but it will have to be a process of elimination as its impossible to give a clear cut answer if you can't see what is causing the trouble.

Hope it gets better soon.

Meant don't leave him to cry it out

Well I caved in last night and tried a bit of baby rice. He gobbled it up and was much better - well he was still up a lot - five times between 7 and nine, then 11ish, 3 and 6 but it's an improvement on the 16 or so times he has been getting up.

He's not been great at sleeping during the day - it's very hard to get him to take a nap. I have to walk him up and down in the sling for about forty minutes then I can try and put him down - doesn't always work. He will sleep in the car and pram though.

I often found that my ds didn't sleep well when he was over-tired. When I said "have you tried to let him cry himself to sleep?" I don't mean to leave him indefinately, as that is cruel and also very hard to do. But maybe after a few minutes he'll settle . It is a phase that he will eventually grow out of. He's a wee individual, and there are babies/kids out there who have been fantastic sleepers right down to those who are terrible sleepers. All our kids fall into this at some point on the scale. One of the best things I found was a cosy warm bath b4 bedtime, fleecy sheets (brushed cotton are excellent imo) or a sleep bag, and a bedtime routine. Also with good sleep naps during the day.

But how are you feeling? When you're bf there is nothing anyone else can do to take over for you. It is such a fantastic bond with your son, I can understand what it feels. Would you even consider pumping your milk into bottles so your hubby could do a feed during the night,or a friend or family membercould 'take over' during the day and so try to give you a few hours continuous rest? Once you get a decent rest you'll have the energy to keep going for a while again! Have you spoken to your HV or GP yet both to ensure your DS is ok but moreover to give you reassurance and any help you may need.

And if the baby rice is helping I'd keep on with it!!!

Hope things continue to get better. Keep smiling, you're doing a wonderful job! You're a great Mummy!!

Other MNetters have already said this, but do rest during the day. I tried to do too much - 20 weeks still is very early. Don't worry about the house work etc etc. Look after yourself, try to relax and things will start over a period of time to improve. Bless you - it is hard, and sometimes it looks like there is no light at the end of the tunnel.

Poor you. You have my sympathy- my DD has never slept well (although is now getting the hang of it at last) and similarly, things got really really bad at about 20 weeks.

A couple of things that helped that might be worth trying
Is he cold at night? We always had the room at 18c and a grobag, we went away with friends who cranked up the heating as they said their DS only slept if room was much warmer. Lo and behold, DD slept much better. Back home, we have the room ever so slightly warmer, and she sleeps better . Not so warm to make her sweaty though!
Also, my DD was a bad daytime sleeper as well, and I found she slept better if I could get her to sleep during the day. She could generally be guaranteed to sleep in her buggy. So I made myself take her for walks for her naps- at least once, if not twice a day- just so I knew she was getting ok amounts of daytime sleep. It was frustrating not to be getting other things done, but pretty good for my weight! And I think the fresh air was good for me. You say he goes to sleep in the pram so maybe worth a try? At this stage I think I tried really hard to get at least 2 hours of daytime sleep- usually it came in 3x 40min sleeps. I probably did look like a mad woman walking around the town in the dark and cold, but it was a whole lot better than trying to get her to sleep in her cot and listening to the crying.

It will get better. Hang in there.

Hi Stefka,

I feel your pain! Did you try baby rice again last night, and did it help?

My DD, 17 weeks, is a nightmare- worse than Dareh if that helps. In the last three weeks, she has only for one night slept more than 45 minutes at once. Otherwise every other night she wakes up after 45 minutes and needs to be coaxed back to sleep -otherwise she cries. I am dead on my feet too and have had a vomiting/diarrhoea bug. Going to post about this myself, just saying big hugs to you and fingers crossed the baby rice works for you! xx

Hey - I've been sick so everything has been up in the air. I wonder if I had the same bug as you choc - I assumed it was food poisoning.