8 week old - please help

[ImiO]

Hello. I’m sorry if this has been talked about somewhere already but I’m really struggling and hoping for some advice. Baby is nearly 9 weeks old and will only contact nap. I’ve been trying different places for naps to see if she might sleep but no luck. I’ve tried the put down pick up method (I think that’s what that’s called), putting her down drowsy, putting her down when awake and trying to transfer her but she always wakes up instantly or screams. I am happy to have contact naps as often as I can but there’s only so much my body can take atm. I do wear her in a sling which she sometimes likes but it is really hurting my back now. She only falls asleep after I hold her and bounce on a ball. I’ve tried swaddling. I’ve tried white noise and dark room. I found myself in tears today because she just fought sleep and wouldn’t even sleep on me. I have at my wits end.

regardless of weight gain, if the reflux is making you and the baby both miserable then I would request medication.
My baby (now nearly 6) was absolutely unputdownable and I was in tears every day until she was 6 weeks old. Then she started on nexium and the next day she took a 3-hour nap on her back in bed and we never looked back. She was on nexium until she was 11 months.

Sucking on my finger used to help DC.

Also, when she's asleep there are phases of sleep cycle starting with shallow and going deeper. If you're trying to put down, you could try to hold off for a while until she's deeply asleep rather than only just asleep, IYSWIM. There's a certain release in how their arms go floppy. Wait for that then onto a warm surface and put your hand on their tummy for a minute and very slowly remove, this makes them feel like they are still up against you being held.

Re your back. I know you said you have long term back issues. It's easy with a baby to be unconscious of how your own body and end up sitting for a long time and hunched over. Taking the time to do a bit of stretching now and then might help.

Unfortunately I found your response to be condescending, but I might just be feeling super sensitive.

of course I love my baby and cherish the moments of cuddles and snuggles.

I’m alone in the day all day every day and screaming when I put baby down for a second to go to the loo has taken a toll on me.

Thank you so much for this suggestion. Going to docs tomorrow for a routine appt so will mention it…

Thank you so much, I will try that. She does like a good pinky finger suck.

stretching is a good shout too. have definitely been putting my body in all sorts of strange positions x

Hi, do you have a local sling library? They may be able to help you find something more comfortable. It's not always a case of one size fits all with slings, there may well be something that you get on with better that they can help you get a good fit with.
If baby is well, and gaining weight reflux medication can cause more issues than it solves. Have you looked into cranial osteopathy for babies, can be useful.
It's hard when your baby wakes as soon as you put them down, really hard, but really normal. You're doing a great job, hang in there.

Thank you. I’ll look into the sling library and take mine along if there is one.

sometimes it just feels like so many other mothers have got it down and their baby naps well, with a vague routine and I just feel like I’m failing.

The other thing that used to help was baby yoga, if you have that near you and can afford it OP - mums stretch, the babies watch and do a bit of stretching and stuff. It used to make me relax and feel more aware of my body.

With naps - don't feel like you're failing. I think it's easy to overlook how different babies are. You could have another baby and what you're currently doing would result in a sweetly sleeping baby who has long naps. I think most mothers have something they're struggling with, if it's not naps it will be feeding or their relationship or birth injuries/incontinence or money or something. It's a very full-on time.

You can only be a parent to the baby you have. Adults all sleep a bit differently, babies are different too. I only realise how different they are when I had DC2!

Swaddling and a rocking Moses basket helped

😢 thank you for your kind words. Definitely feeling overwhelmed. xx

I didn't mean to be - but maybe I was. I was typing one handed whilst pacing my 4yo to sleep in a wrap on my front. It probably didn't make me that sympathetic to the weight of a newborn (my 4yo is tiny, but still flipping heck she's heavy). It is hard though, I do get that, especially getting started with being a new parent.

I do get the isolation and loneliness - I found that going to baby classes helped, making friends with others in the same boat.

I'm not saying to cherish every moment, but more that you might find more happiness if you try to find the silver linings. If you are feeling v down about things it might be worth a chat to a dr. It might be that your baby is particularly tricky, or it might be that you aren't a big fan of the baby stage. It might be that some other mums haven't got it together as much as they seem, or equally that they have but will find other aspects of parenting a nightmare later on.

It's not a race, you don't get marked (thank goodness), and finding it hard doesn't mean you aren't doing a fabulous job, just that it's hard.

@ImiO oh yes I feed all the time with baby swaddled. Overnight and everything, they're easier to feed that way as you say with no flailing arms! Burping is a little more challenging as my baby tends to stiffen up a bit and it's hard to get a hold of him to wind but it still works and far better than feeding, winding, then swaddling I think, otherwise they get agitated and then you're trying to settle again.

@Babyboomtastic thank you. Sending hugs. Just felt defensive :(

@winniethepooped woooow ok this is game changing for me 😂 thank you!