8 week old - please help

ImiO · 2023-11-21T12:22:02+00:00

Hello. I’m sorry if this has been talked about somewhere already but I’m really struggling and hoping for some advice. Baby is nearly 9 weeks old and will only contact nap. I’ve been trying different places for naps to see if she might sleep but no luck. I’ve tried the put down pick up method (I think that’s what that’s called), putting her down drowsy, putting her down when awake and trying to transfer her but she always wakes up instantly or screams. I am happy to have contact naps as often as I can but there’s only so much my body can take atm. I do wear her in a sling which she sometimes likes but it is really hurting my back now. She only falls asleep after I hold her and bounce on a ball. I’ve tried swaddling. I’ve tried white noise and dark room. I found myself in tears today because she just fought sleep and wouldn’t even sleep on me. I have at my wits end.

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EarthyMangold · 21/11/2023 12:36

Congratulations on your baby. It's an exhausting stage isn't it!

I used to put mine in the pram (just gave the wheels a wipe and brought it into the house) sometimes took a few minutes but they would usually doze off if I kept it moving, and if I didn't feel like going out I would just roll it backwards and forwards in the kitchen while I sat at the table. Not ideal, but my back got a rest. Hope this helps!

Original poster

ImiO · 21/11/2023 12:45

Thank you. I have also tried this with no luck. She just screamed all the way down streets instead of at home. I purchased the rockit too - no luck. 😢

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Original poster

ImiO · 21/11/2023 12:51

I have also tried - the pram, inside and outside. The baby bjorn bouncer. Snuzpod, cot, dockatot…

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ScarboroughHair · 21/11/2023 13:07

Sympathies, mine was like this. The only thing I found that worked was feeding or singing to sleep whilst lying down next to her in my bed, stripped of covers/pillows for safe sleeping but with a light blanket over both of us. Once she had fallen asleep, very very carefully rolling away.

I also had some success sitting on an armchair with a big cushion on my lap, feeding her to sleep and leaving her on my lap to sleep. I could at least watch tv/eat/sit back a bit.

Do you have a partner? Or any other support? If all else fails you need to leave the baby with them, put some earphones in and get a decent stretch of sleep/alone time. There were times when I had to do this for my own sanity. A stressed and exhausted mother benefits no one.

Also, it's all temporary. This phase won't last forever, keep going and you will get to the other side.

Babyboomtastic · 21/11/2023 13:24

Honestly I think a better sling might help. An 8 week old shouldn't be hurting it if it's fitted properly.

I've been 'baby' wearing for nearly 7 years continuously, with pre-existing back issues. What makes a difference between my back hurting and not is the fit for me. I'd rather carry my 4yo in a well fitting carrier (I actually do this every day as she has reduced mobility) then a 3 month old in one that's not right.

Otherwise, as much as you can, just enjoy the snuggly naps. They don't last forever. The era is being able to sit with a barrel of biscuits and watch tv whilst baby snoozes on you pass, or are limited to once a day (often with less opportunity to watch tv as they are more rousable). You won't get it with any subsequent children either, or at least not to the same extent.

Right now, your baby doesn't need weaning food preparing, or tidying from the mess they've made. If you don't have time to cook as you've got baby on you, and you eat a ready meal -who cares right now.

The good thing about having a baby that contact naps is the freedom it gives you. You can actually go anywhere (yay slings!) Or find a comfy sofa trying a friend house, or baby cinema, or the grass (in summer). You aren't stuci to the house.

I do get that it can feel claustrophobic when someone is always touching you though, so I'd try to make sure that the contact napping isn't always with you, so you can have more of a physical break sometimes.

Original poster

ImiO · 21/11/2023 13:34

Thank you ScarboroughHair for your kind and non judgmental reply. 💕

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Original poster

ImiO · 21/11/2023 13:43

only support is my partner who is at work all day but is really great in the evenings otherwise it’s just me and baby.

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Original poster

ImiO · 21/11/2023 13:49

Babyboomtastic · 21/11/2023 13:24

Honestly I think a better sling might help. An 8 week old shouldn't be hurting it if it's fitted properly.

I've been 'baby' wearing for nearly 7 years continuously, with pre-existing back issues. What makes a difference between my back hurting and not is the fit for me. I'd rather carry my 4yo in a well fitting carrier (I actually do this every day as she has reduced mobility) then a 3 month old in one that's not right.

Otherwise, as much as you can, just enjoy the snuggly naps. They don't last forever. The era is being able to sit with a barrel of biscuits and watch tv whilst baby snoozes on you pass, or are limited to once a day (often with less opportunity to watch tv as they are more rousable). You won't get it with any subsequent children either, or at least not to the same extent.

Right now, your baby doesn't need weaning food preparing, or tidying from the mess they've made. If you don't have time to cook as you've got baby on you, and you eat a ready meal -who cares right now.

The good thing about having a baby that contact naps is the freedom it gives you. You can actually go anywhere (yay slings!) Or find a comfy sofa trying a friend house, or baby cinema, or the grass (in summer). You aren't stuci to the house.

I do get that it can feel claustrophobic when someone is always touching you though, so I'd try to make sure that the contact napping isn't always with you, so you can have more of a physical break sometimes.

Thanks, we all have different bodies so I wouldn’t compare your experience to mine but thanks.

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Original poster

ImiO · 21/11/2023 13:50

ScarboroughHair · 21/11/2023 13:07

Sympathies, mine was like this. The only thing I found that worked was feeding or singing to sleep whilst lying down next to her in my bed, stripped of covers/pillows for safe sleeping but with a light blanket over both of us. Once she had fallen asleep, very very carefully rolling away.

I also had some success sitting on an armchair with a big cushion on my lap, feeding her to sleep and leaving her on my lap to sleep. I could at least watch tv/eat/sit back a bit.

Do you have a partner? Or any other support? If all else fails you need to leave the baby with them, put some earphones in and get a decent stretch of sleep/alone time. There were times when I had to do this for my own sanity. A stressed and exhausted mother benefits no one.

Also, it's all temporary. This phase won't last forever, keep going and you will get to the other side.

Sorry I’m not hugely sure how to use this site!
thanks for your kind reply.

only support is my partner who is at work all day but is really great in the evenings otherwise it’s just me and baby.

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Wahwoo · 21/11/2023 13:54

Honestly honestly - unless you have a back issue or similar (in which case ignore me and PP) do look at a better sling. They are invaluable for both naps and transport, and shouldn’t hurt, let alone for a tiny baby.

Original poster

ImiO · 21/11/2023 13:59

Wahwoo · 21/11/2023 13:54

Honestly honestly - unless you have a back issue or similar (in which case ignore me and PP) do look at a better sling. They are invaluable for both naps and transport, and shouldn’t hurt, let alone for a tiny baby.

I have two. Both ergobaby / wrap and sling. I have long existing back pain and also a weak knee from an injury that needed operated on. Thank you!

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LapinR0se · 21/11/2023 14:05

Sending hugs. If your baby is very difficult to settle then it can be caused by reflux or hunger. Is either of those a possibility?

winniethepooped · 21/11/2023 14:09

Hey! I have a 2 year old and a 10 week old! And oh boy can I relate to the not napping - for both of them. My advice is as follows!

as others have said, get a better sling. I was gifted Ergo baby 360 - absolute game changer. No back pain and I wear it A LOT for long times. The weight is distributed around your waist. Sometime babies just want to sleep on you as impractical and cumbersome as it is.

If you really need a break from the contact napping and you want to start forming a better habit of baby sleeping on their own.....persevere with the combo of Rockit on a Moses basket, swaddle, white noise and darkness. Just keep trying it and give it a chance. Babies love all of the above. Both of mine HATED going into the swaddle but it keeps them asleep for longer and helps them get over.

re: the swaddle, is it one with arms down? With the Velcro? Thats what I find works best. Then I convert to arms out/arms up/transitional swaddle when they learn to roll. If I'm putting my 10 week old down for either nap or bedtime, I change, swaddle, feed (to the max! Sometimes a hefty expressed bottle), burp, rock him in my arms until sleepy eyes, then set down. I'll usually have to pick up and rock a few more times but it'll eventually work.

have you tried bathing before bed? And lastly dummie/pacifier?

This phase passes I PROMISE!! And you will be able to get baby over without them sleeping on you eventually if you keep persevering with Moses basket/crib naps and sleeping.

All the best!!!! X

Original poster

ImiO · 21/11/2023 14:09

LapinR0se · 21/11/2023 14:05

Sending hugs. If your baby is very difficult to settle then it can be caused by reflux or hunger. Is either of those a possibility?

Thank you love. Definitely reflux is an issue but it has been improving as weeks have gone on so fingers crossed it keeps going that way. X

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Perfect28 · 21/11/2023 14:10

Have you tried bedsharing?

LapinR0se · 21/11/2023 14:10

Is he medicated for the reflux at all?

Perfect28 · 21/11/2023 14:11

Also agree that babywearing a child of that age shouldn't hurt your back, try a different style or type. Also- where is dad in all of this? You need a break

RedPandaFluff · 21/11/2023 14:14

I have a velcro baby too and bedsharing is the only thing that lets me get any sleep at all. DH sleeps in the spare room so I don't have to worry about another body in the bed. No duvet cover above thigh level and a warm onesie that I can unzip for feeding lying on my side in a c-shape around the baby. I put her in her Next2Me as much as I can but as long as we're in the safer position it's okay if we both fall asleep on the bed. Really important to follow all the advice on the Lullaby Trust website before you do bedshare but honestly it's been a game changer for me.

Original poster

ImiO · 21/11/2023 14:22

Perfect28 · 21/11/2023 14:11

Also agree that babywearing a child of that age shouldn't hurt your back, try a different style or type. Also- where is dad in all of this? You need a break

as mentioned, I have two different ergobaby styles. And also as mentioned, I have pre-existing back and knee issues so babywearing ALL day doesn’t really work for me. Nor does it work when I need to pee or do a number two :)

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Original poster

ImiO · 21/11/2023 14:23

LapinR0se · 21/11/2023 14:10

Is he medicated for the reflux at all?

Nope! Weight gain is good so doctor didn’t prescribe anything.

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Perfect28 · 21/11/2023 14:25

Sorry op missed that. Other two points though, where is dad? Bedsharing?

Wahwoo · 21/11/2023 14:25

@ImiO sorry to hear that!

In which case, my only advice is to go with the flow of contact naps. DD1 would only contact or carrier nap. I spent so much time and effort trying to change that, but nothing worked. Mat leave would have been much better had I just dedicated nap times to reading and telly while cuddling her.

Original poster

ImiO · 21/11/2023 14:26

winniethepooped · 21/11/2023 14:09

Hey! I have a 2 year old and a 10 week old! And oh boy can I relate to the not napping - for both of them. My advice is as follows!

as others have said, get a better sling. I was gifted Ergo baby 360 - absolute game changer. No back pain and I wear it A LOT for long times. The weight is distributed around your waist. Sometime babies just want to sleep on you as impractical and cumbersome as it is.

If you really need a break from the contact napping and you want to start forming a better habit of baby sleeping on their own.....persevere with the combo of Rockit on a Moses basket, swaddle, white noise and darkness. Just keep trying it and give it a chance. Babies love all of the above. Both of mine HATED going into the swaddle but it keeps them asleep for longer and helps them get over.

re: the swaddle, is it one with arms down? With the Velcro? Thats what I find works best. Then I convert to arms out/arms up/transitional swaddle when they learn to roll. If I'm putting my 10 week old down for either nap or bedtime, I change, swaddle, feed (to the max! Sometimes a hefty expressed bottle), burp, rock him in my arms until sleepy eyes, then set down. I'll usually have to pick up and rock a few more times but it'll eventually work.

have you tried bathing before bed? And lastly dummie/pacifier?

This phase passes I PROMISE!! And you will be able to get baby over without them sleeping on you eventually if you keep persevering with Moses basket/crib naps and sleeping.

All the best!!!! X

Thank you SO much. I have the aura wrap and 360 too.

swaddle - I have arms down and the love to dream. Prefer the arms down! Can get some good stretches of sleep at night with it!
Can you feed with swaddle on? I heard not but that would really help me cause her arms keep flapping in the way during feeds lol!

Won’t take a pacifier - tried 4 brands !!

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Original poster

ImiO · 21/11/2023 14:29

Perfect28 · 21/11/2023 14:25

Sorry op missed that. Other two points though, where is dad? Bedsharing?

dad is here and great In evenings and night. Baby wakes up instantly on the bed next to me! Some nights she will go down in the next to me , it’s hit and miss. Daytime naps are hardest. I’m totally alone at home, across 4 storeys, the most impractical house ever…

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Babyboomtastic · 21/11/2023 14:30

I'm going to ignore your sarcastic rudeness and assume its bourne out of frustration.

I'm not the only person who is saying that even with back issues a sling shouldn't hurt at 8w. If it does, then it's worth taking to a sling consultant at your local sling library to check the fit because it can make all the difference.

Or dont use a sling and sit with baby on you. Or put baby down and eventually them get used to it.

And yes our bodies are different, but equally as someone who has significant back pain issues (and knee, and a pelvis that has been damaged for life by severe SPD), I'm not aware than that with a 'good' back of the difference a good fit makes. It may be that your back issues are too severe to carry, but I'd honestly get your fit checked by a professional first. A lot of women carry very loose, and that adds a huge amount of strain. Also, some backs are better with backpack straps, others with them crossed - sometimes higher, sometimes lower. Backpack style hurts me, lowish crossed is great. For you it might be different.

Ps: in really not saying you should babywear all day btw. It's just another item in your survival armoury. If you do though, toilet should be fine, just don't wear a jumpsuit. It's amazing how dexterous you become in time.