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Sleep regression & resettling advice

10 replies

JayCee14 · 19/11/2023 16:10

Baby is five months. EBF. Her biggest stretch of sleep is always from bedtime (around 7) and has lasted five hours (a few times) but is generally 2.5-3 hours. After this wake, she wakes every 1.5-2 hours. I have been feeding her back to sleep as it feels easiest way but I’m not sure it’s sustainable.

She goes down for naps and “bedtime” awake (bedtime routine last step is a breastfeed) and can get herself off to sleep but doesn’t seem to be able to resettle hence the waking every 1.5-2 hours. If we try to settle her by patting etc she becomes hysterical and I hate hearing her like that so feeding is quickest way. I’m just worried I’m never going to have a baby who can resettle without feeding but I feel a bit lost as to what to do.

Unrelated but going to try a formula feed at that first wake after bedtime to give me a bit of a break and give me a stretch of sleep.

Have heard they snap out of the regression (presume that’s what this is?!) or that they sleep better once on solids but any tips/ advice would be welcome as I’m a tired mama!

Thank you!

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sexnotgenders · 19/11/2023 16:44

Sending sympathy as the mum of a 4 month old DS. The 4 month sleep regression is real! Your little one is already doing longer chunks than mine, who currently won't sleep any longer than 2 hours at a time. It's horrific. But I have a 2.5 year old DD so I know that it will all be ok in the end, and that makes it easier to cope with the second time around.

The bad news is, despite what others may tell you, there really isn't anything you can do. It isn't about 'self settling' (though that's great to master for wider good sleep practice), it's about them being able to link their sleep cycles - it just isn't the same skill, and unfortunately it isn't anything you can really teach. Don't bother upsetting her during the night by shush patting, just use the fastest and easiest method that maximises sleep for everyone. And formula and/or solids won't help either - it isn't about her waking hungry, it's because she's doing what we all do, and wake slightly after a sleep cycle. She just needs to realise that when she does wake, she doesn't need to freak out and cry out for you, she can in fact just close her eyes again and fall asleep. It's that linking of cycles that will resolve the issue.

The reason some say they just 'snap' out of it is because it literally is that simple - they just need to figure out that they can link sleep cycles together. As I say, plenty of people will claim they have the solution to teaching this but correlation does not mean causation and it's unlikely down to their parenting skills, it's just that their LO figured it out whilst they happened to be doing some particular method. Of course it helps if baby first falls asleep in their sleep space, and that they aren't too cold or too warm or too hungry when they do wake, but even if all of those needs are met, until they learn to link a cycle, they will still wake up after every cycle is finished (hence why I say you can't really do much). You are already doing all those things. Now it's unfortunately down to your DD to figure it out.

Some babies figure it out quicker than others. It took my DD about 6/7 weeks, and I did absolutely bugger all - kept feeding her at every wake, and slowly over the weeks, she started linking some cycles together and we got longer chunks. She then built on that and started linking more and more. And finally we came out the other side with much more stable sleep. Your little one is clearly already linking some in the middle of the night, which is great progress and means when her sleep pressure is at its highest, she can do it. The more she does this, the more she'll keep doing it

Desperately hoping DS doesn't take quite so long as DD, but we're 2 weeks in now and he isn't showing any signs of improvement yet. Little sod. It's fucking hard, especially as I then have a toddler to deal with come morning, but as I said, I take solace from knowing that this phase won't last (even if it feels like it when you're in the thick of it!)

JayCee14 · 19/11/2023 16:50

@sexnotgenders thank you for this! I’ve found motherhood hard because I always want an answer/ solution and there isn’t always one.

Absolute kudos to you managing lack of sleep and a toddler. Don’t know how you do it! I hope it gets better soon 😘

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sexnotgenders · 19/11/2023 17:11

Oh I really relate to you, OP! The lack of a clear answer/cause/solution really stresses me out still. You do find it easier to trust your own instincts though, as you get more confident. Because honestly, 99% of the time you really will be right, so trust that mum gut of yours - you know your DD like nobody else. And yes, here's hoping our little ones sort their shit out sooner rather than later! 😊😊

raindayrain · 20/11/2023 04:40

Ahhh I don’t have any solutions but solidarity as my DD is also 5 mo and EBF. We are currently going through similar troubles! My little one has quite a strong feed to sleep association for daytime naps too which I’m trying to gently encourage her to break, but is proving difficult. With night time wake ups, I normally hold her hands/shush and she goes back to sleep but after midnight, she is hard to soothe and I wonder if there’s an element of hunger (she drinks a lot) so we feed to sleep. The hardest one for us is 3am to 5am (DD has a habit of staying wide awake despite feeding). I tried a bottle of formula yesterday during daytime. DD really isn’t a fan of bottles and doesn’t take to formula well. She did sleep through her normal 1am wake up - most likely just luck though and unrelated to the formula!

Hopefully this is just a phase that will pass with time!

JayCee14 · 20/11/2023 14:56

@raindayrain oh god it’s hard isn’t it. I had to break the feeds to sleep during day and it has slowly worked. Where do you do daytime naps?

We did a formula feed for first time last night at the 10pm wake up and she slept for 4.5 hours. Could be coincidence but I don’t care at this point!!

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raindayrain · 21/11/2023 18:28

It’s so hard!! I am a FTM and still can’t believe no one really warned me about the sleep deprivation - or maybe they did and I just didn’t listen!
Daytime naps I’ve just been feeding DD 30 minutes before the end of her wake window, and then getting her ready for her nap with white noise/sleeping bag then I rock her for a bit and set her down into her bassinet. I then leave the room for 2 minutes. If she cries, I go in to pick her up, she’s not learned to self settle yet so I always go back in at 2 minutes anyway and just hold her hands/shush and she normally goes to sleep. Normally one nap of the day we go out and she falls asleep in the carrier/I transfer her to her carrycot (or sometimes she falls asleep in the carrycot if she’s happy lying there but this is a rare occurrence. We currently just feed to sleep and she’s got a wee cold. How about you - what do you do for day time naps?

JayCee14 · 21/11/2023 22:03

@raindayrain now I wouldn’t call that feeding to sleep then but what the hell do I know?! (Also FTM) If she isn’t falling asleep and you’re not putting her “down” to sleep when she’s already asleep then I don’t think you need to worry about breaking that association. But obviously totally up to you!

I did exclusively carrier naps for 3 months as she refused anything else and it nearly broke me! Finally got her used to pram so now do a mix of pram and cot (this is very new) during day. Similar to you, I feed near end of wake window then do white noise but luckily she has started to go down awake and send herself off to sleep. She’s a thumb sucker which is a god send (I may regret saying that when she’s still doing it at 5 🤣) as she just pops her thumb in mouth and drifts off.

she did 3.5 hours last night after the formula feed. Husband is out tonight so I’ve just breastfed her instead of formula to see if I can work out whether it’s the formula that’s helped. As I said could be coincidence but I am obsessed with trying to find an answer and driving myself more mad 🫠

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kernowpicklepie · 21/11/2023 22:12

They may sleep a longer stretch as breastmilk digests quicker so when she wakes in the night it will be for a mixture of food and comfort.
DD (now 2years 4 months) had the worst first year of sleep, her longest stretch was 4 hours and that only happened occasionally. She started sleeping through the night when she was 12 months.
DS (11 months) is already so much better. His longest stretch of sleep has been 6 hours and he regularly has better nights than DD did. He is currently going through a waking every 2 hours phase but it'll pass and he'll go back to better sleep.

DD struggled with 4 month and 8 month "regressions" but DS hasn't been too bad and has got through them with less problems.

At your DD's age the quickest way to get them back to sleep in the night will always be breastfeeding. It will also be a miracle of comfort when they're teething or unwell.
It's hard but when you're tired I'd al aha recommend going for the fastest option to get you both back to sleep quicker

Happyhappyday · 22/11/2023 03:40

What happens if you don’t do anything? We used to just lay really quietly and DD would often go back to sleep on her own. We would also count to 30 a couple times if she was just grizzling, it felt like absolutely ages but was in fact, about a minute and she’d also often go back to sleep on her own then too. We realized we’d been responding too quickly and just needed to give her a minute ( literally).

JayCee14 · 22/11/2023 18:23

@Happyhappyday mine goes from 0-100 in 10 seconds! She cries and then gets herself more and more worked up so leaving her isn’t an option and nothing seems to settle her except feeding

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