Sleep and settling newborn

[Darcysmumx]

Evening all.

Could anyone give some advice on sleep and settling a newborn.

My little girl is 5 weeks old and this week has found her lungs.
She is a pretty good sleeper and most of the time if she falls asleep on someone you can put her down and she stays asleep. Or if you are holding her and she is awake you need to put her down to do something she is pretty content in her Moses basket.

However this week she has started to cry when she is put down. She has been changed, feed, burped and is just tired. She can be asleep in my arms then wake up straight away crying.

Has anyone got any advice on where to go from here. My husband is saying just let her cry it out, which I have given a go but it's so hard to hear.
I know she is still so little but we also don't want to make a rod for our own backs.

Any advice would be amazing.

A baby cries because they need something. And often it is because they want to be held. Letting them cry is just neglect.

Five weeks is still so tiny. She needs you to feed her or cuddle her.

Do not leave a 5 week old to cry it out! I’m sure the recommended age for any kind of sleep training is 6 month’s minimum.

Please don’t leave her to cry, your husband is wrong and it’s cruel at any age especially newborn!

Try some of the below -
Warm the crib with a hot water bottle or heat pad (remove before putting baby down)
Put some worn clothing in there
White noise
Wait until their in a deep sleep (10-15 mins after falling asleep)

But some babies just need to be held to sleep, mine did/does! So you might have to take shifts doing so for the first few weeks.

Crying out and "making a rod for your own back" does not apply when your baby is freshly out the womb. You and your husband are being negligent it's bloody awful, why on earth have you had this baby if you're not willing to give it what it needs?!

Not that I agree with crying it out at any age btw!!

I spent 95% of my day holding DD and I coslept. I never let her cry unless I was in the car or on the toilet! She’s 2.5 now and sleeps in her own bed and just needs a quick cuddle to go to sleep (I sometimes stay in but out of laziness in the middle of the night than her needing me). I got all the “making rod for your own back comments” and maybe I got lucky but can safely say I don’t feel like I have made a rod at all!

Look up secure attachment theory. Either way 5 weeks is way too young to be looking at cry it out anyway even if that is something you decide to try. She just wants to be held and feel safe, it’s really hard when you want a break but I promise it’s a phase and will be over before you know it.

Don’t leave her to cry it out at 5 weeks old, that’s cruel. She’s only 5 weeks, hold her and cuddle her if that’s what she wants.

Baby wants to be held. It's tough but needed. Please don't let the baby cry it out its so cruel. You can't spoil a newborn so building a rod for your own back isn't a thing right now

Jesus Christ please don’t let her cry it out! She wasn’t even born 5 weeks ago.

I know it’s difficult as I had a baby who napped on me and coslept for 7 months but she needs security and cuddles at the moment.

Cry it out at 5 weeks is abusive. Do not do this.

The only way a tiny, newborn can communicate is crying. Look up the fourth trimester. They don’t know they’re a separate person from you yet. They need your smell and heartbeat to settle.

Read about the fourth trimester. Your husband is wrong, tiny babies should not be left to cry it out (not that I believe any child should). No sleep training until at least 6 months.

Hold your baby! You can’t hold or cuddle them enough, you won’t make a rod for your own back.

I suggest you spend some time educating yourself about how to care for a tiny baby and stop listening to your husband unless he’s done the same.

I do understand the fear about "making a rod for your own back" as I definitely know that I worried a lot about "oh god how will I ever get rid of the dummy now ive started" etc. That said - 5 weeks and your first baby is way too young to be thinking that way. We ended up taking the night in shifts for a few weeks (probably the most tired I've ever been) and holding for most naps. With our second we did this too, but just kept giving putting her down a try to keep the habit going- try a velcro swaddle? Eventually she just naturally accepted it and now she sleeps perfectly well. Meet her where she is right now and just keep trying - eventually something will click.

Our babies have evolved over thousands of years - they're not that different to the babies we had when living in caves etc.

A baby who was put down was at risk of being taken by predators. So we evolved to cry and insist on being held. It's hard wired into our brains.

Your baby is at the point where she's aware enough to complain about being put down. See it as a natural part of being a baby, rather than a problem.

I used a soft sling so baby was on me most of the day and they just slept that way. You can work on the putting them down thing when she's a bit bigger.

This is really upsetting to read.

Making a rod for your own back? You’re worried about your 5 week old being too dependent on you for comfort and safety?

Jesus Christ.

And as for leaving a newborn to cry it out….that’s just absolutely disgusting. Shame on your husband for suggesting it and shame on you for going along with it.

You’re going to cause your baby some serious attachment issues if at 5 weeks old you are already trying to get her to be self sufficient and independent from her parents when she’s upset and wanting comfort.

I’m honestly gob smacked.

My DS had to be held for naps in the day time until he was 6 months old. Thankfully he would sleep in his cot at night.

5 weeks is very tiny… they need cuddles. At that age, human contact is one of the basic needs along with being fed and warm.

Leaving a 5 week old to cry is damaging their developing brain. Skin to skin, cuddles, responsiveness - these are the things that fuel infant neurodevelopment and later independence/self esteem.

You can’t make a rod for your own back with a newborn OP. Did anyone talk to you about this in hospital? Our ward was filled with posters about how you can’t spoil a newborn etc.

It is really common and normal for newborns to not want to be put down, but that doesn’t mean it is easy for you, especially when you’re exhausted and trying to follow safe sleep principles.

Some things that worked for us:

• Putting up the side of the next2me. It was too big and open for her when the side was down.
• Using a swaddle to mimic being held tightly and to suppress the startle reflex.
• Time - in the early days we took it in turns to stay up holding her whilst managing to get her down for slightly longer sleeps in her cot each time before we needed to pick her up again.

The crysis website has helpful information about dealing with crying.

Hope something helps you soon as it is so very tiring

Too young for crying it out but I don't think that means the baby has to be glued to you. At that age for one nap a day I put mine down in the cot with a dummy and shushed while patting her bum and stroking her forehead until she fell asleep. So she felt secure but also got used to sleeping in the cot, alternating with plenty of cuddle naps. Over time she needed less shushing and patting and transitioned to independent sleep.