DS won’t move beds

[swissrollisntswiss]

DS1 (3yo) is sleeping in a cot bed in the toddler bed setup. DS2 is fast outgrowing his next to me and we really need the cot for him to move into. We already have a single bed in DS1 room but he just won’t move onto it. We’ve tried letting him choose the bedding but it hasn’t helped. DH wants to just take the cot bed away so DS has to move but I would rather he goes by choice.

Has anyone got any good suggestions to make the bed more enticing for him? He already has a nightlight and he isn’t really into soft toys. Sticker charts don’t usually work for more than a couple of days.

Has he given you any reasons (does he talk?)
Maybe a bed guard would help? Or you could sleep in the bed with him, though I could imagine how that might end up!

What is his bedtime routine?
If you normally sit on his bed with him/read stories etc could you try saying that now he's getting bigger there is no room for you both on his little bed so if he wants stories/extra cuddles/someone to sit with him etc then he needs to be in the bigger bed so there is more space?

Failing that, I honestly probably would agree with your DH. The more you gently encourage the bed and he refuses, the more he will dig his heels in and it becomes a bigger deal than it needs to be. I would bet it isn't really the bed he is bothered by so much as it is just being uncertain about change. But if that change has to happen at some point then there is an argument for just doing it and not dragging it out.

This has never been up for discussion in our house, new bed in, cot dismantled. End of story. I’m with your DH.

I think you messed up by having them both in there. You need to take the cot bed away.

We chose a racing car bed which DS1 helped assemble before DS2 was born (28 month gap) so that he didn't associate losing the bed with his baby brother.

That ship has clearly sailed for you, but you should at least leave a few weeks gap before you put DS2 into the cot after DS1 leaves it.

The racing car bed was just so exciting that he wanted to sleep in it straight away.

@Ilianor I know part of the problem is that he doesn’t really like being alone. If he wakes in the night then DH goes and sleeps in the other bed and he thinks this won’t be an option anymore.

@Mrgrinch @OrderOfTheKookaburra unfortunately the bed has been in there since before he was born. It was our guest bed and if we have guests stay then DS comes in with us (we only have a 2 bed place). I thought he’d be excited to move but apparently not!

Sounds like we may just have to take the bed away and suck it up for a couple of nights. I don’t think he will make the link between his bed and the cot as it looks very different as a cot but I might be underestimating him so maybe we’ll put it in the cellar for a bit. Thanks for that tip.

My daughter had a tent bed which she loved. A lava lamp or light projector could be exciting?
It is a massive transition for him so take it easy, he'll be feeling lonely and potentially scared so ease him in gently.

You are the adults. There’s no ‘won’t’ about it.

We had this with who was 2.5
You've left it too late.

We had to take the cot down and leave her crying at the child gate

I was heart broken

After an hour she was so tired she just climbed into the single bed and fell asleep. No problem the next night.

Ds was put in a bed a 1 year with a cot side. No problem at all.

We moved DD into a larger bed long before we needed the cot for the baby because I forest problems with giving the baby “her” bed.
Bit late for that now though.

Dismantle the cot and put it away for a while.

You haven’t left it too late - honestly, I’m sure some people come on here just to be unpleasant. I actually read a post by a child sleep consultant the other day who recommended keeping children in cots as long as possible, although I’ve also seen a different view expressed so it probably depends. I just wanted to sympathise as my DS (same age!)can be very mulish on occasion as well!

@TammyJones he is already in a bed. We did that transition before 2 with no trouble. The toddler bed he is in also turns into a cot but it is in a proper bed form at the moment, no sides.

Thank you @Cappuccino17 @Summermeadowflowers I’m glad I’m not the only one who wants to be a little more gentle. Mulish is true! Thanks for the sympathy and suggestions. We’ll try for another week or so.

@swissrollisntswiss We had a 3 year gap but we did transition him before Ds2 was born. You cannot undo what you have done so you just move forward, as a parent you will make decisions that you look back on and question why you decided that. At the time you make those decisions though you do it with the information you have. So learn to forgive yourself and move on. You will repeat this a million times over their lifetime. Mum guilt just means you care.

When we moved Ds1 into a bed we bought one that had a trundle bed underneath, it could be raised to the same height as his bed or left low. This was good when he was poorly as the adult sleeping on the bed had a full sized single. Do you think this might be worth looking into? We just stashed a duvet and pillow in the room and the trundle always had a sheet on ready to go.

Your Dh is right though, the more you delay the more he feels he can dictate when he moves bed. You need to count him down, so give him a few days notice and probably for sanity reasons transition him on a Friday night so you have the weekend to nap if he has a disturbed night.

Re the cot make a big deal about discussing "buying" a new bed for the baby, that way when it is made up as a cot he hopefully won't make the link. But if he does you explain that he had a cot as a baby (show him photos) and that now this one is the baby but he too will grow into a child. Show him photos of him as a baby, then older and bigger, then older and walking etc. He might not make the connection between a baby and him being 3 and once being a baby himself.

would you consider moving them both into a new room together?

dont listen to all the Karens on here telling you you made a mistake. You did what worked for your family and now it just doesn't work anymore so you adjust. You can be the parent with the final word without forcing it on him. It probably is the change and unknown that frightens him a bit.. I think make the decision to move the bed and involve him on where to put it etc. Spend time reading and playing in there and make it his own cave. Praise him constantly for how big and brave he is and you could even organise a friend/family member to have a sleep over so it becomes exciting!