Baby impossible to sleep train

[HelpMeSoloMum]

I’m a solo mum so no DH to help. Baby is 11months, still breastfed. I’ve been feeding to sleep until now but need to get better sleep than I’m getting cosleeping and feeding throughout the night.

baby is utterly impossible to sleep train. Have tried gentle sleep training, Ferber, PUPF. Baby will stop crying when picked up but scream relentlessly when put down. It’s been 3 hours now and no let up. None of this wait 2 minutes malarkey they WILL NOT sleep. Please help me in at the end of my tether. Feeding throughout the night isn’t tenable. They have a tongue tie, their latch hurts and it’s been almost a year. I don’t want to feel every hour or two anymore.

does anyone have any suggestions?

Sorry you’re going through this. Sleep deprivation is a killer. I’m no expert but would think the feeding to sleep link needs to be broken. Baby needs to learn to soothe another way.
Have you considered stopping breast feeding? Will they take a dummy?
have you established a bed time routine?

No advice on the sleep training OP as I'm currently in the same boat with my 10 month old he wake's every 2 hours still explaining why I'm up at this time.

so you are not alone we'll get there one day OP X

I'm so sorry your going through this, it's awful being so tired. I've had 4 kids and breastfed to around 12 months for all. I remember when getting to the point your at desperately wanting to cut the sleep feeding as it was so exhausting. I was fortunate that my mum was more then willing to step in. She had baby in her bed overnight. I'd feed them at their bedtime then leave. And in the morning I'd pick them back up and feed again. I think they were all maybe 3 nights max doing this. My sister did it and now my cousin has just done the same with her mum. Obviously you need someone you fully trust and that is willing to help but is this an option for you?

I'm in the same boat OP with regards to the sleep and still feed to sleep at 13 months. Our wakes are usually every 90mins-2 hours and it's exhausting being back at work. I need to do something about it but havnt the energy to go the hard route!

Do you want to continue breast feeding or would you prefer not to?

I think it's easier to sleep train with bottle feeding - you just dilute the overnight bottles gradually until they are too watery to be worth waking up for.

Helps to know I’m not alone! Baby will go down beautifully at bedtime but regardless of whether I put them down at 6pm or 9pm or any time in between they’ll wake up between 10:30-1 and need feeding to sleep. But then when they wake NOTHING on earth will get them to sleep apart from the breast.

Id like to keep breastfeeding at bedtime and wake up for a while yet and we have a pretty good bedtime routine (bathtime, pyjamas, story, feed, bed) but they seem incapable of getting to sleep themselves at the first wake

Get their tongue tie sorted? If that's causing problem with the latch maybe they're too tired to latch properly and not getting a decent feed fast enough?

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@HelpMeSoloMum
I’m sorry to contradict / question advice from @OrderOfTheKookaburra but watering down bottles seems like a massive ‘no-no’ to me. Please do double check advice on this with NHS / your doctor before doing something like that as it seems possible it might be outdated now / no longer advised.

I’m not saying I’m an expert but I just thought watering down formula was something we’re told not to do

I fed my son to sleep too. I don’t think we ever really broke that association- it was tough but I don’t think it is necessarily the biggest issue once they can sleep for longer stretches. So… if I were you I’d be focussing on making sure they get the right amount of stimulation, sleep and feeding during daytime and keep up the good bedtime routine. Hopefully that will prepare them for longer stretches of sleep at night time and so even though you wake to feed, it will be less frequent and more manageable.

I did the watering down bottles too when night weaning but this was for a 15 month old who was eating and drinking plenty during the day. The bottles at night had just become a habit. Obviously bottles should never ever be watered down for younger babies who are relying only on milk for their nutrition.

So when you say baby goes down beautifully at bedtime, do you mean self settling without feeding to sleep? I thought once they had mastered that then they could link sleep cycles too...
I'd recommend something to help comfort that isn't your boob - a comfort blanket or cuddly toy for example x

Sleep training doesn’t work for all children.
make sure they eat enough during day so don’t wake up hungry
Give the child something ithey like other than a feed in the night when they wake. My eldest had a savoury Ella’s pouch. My youngest has two biscuits. Once they are weaned fully it’s easy to stop the food in the night.

This would only be for children that were on solids so the milk is in addition to their food, and only for the middle of the night bottle, which is a 'habit/comfort' bottle. Not for an infant relying solely on milk.

Following. In the same boat here. 11 month old feeds to sleep and is usually up every 2 hours overnight. Won’t be rocked, patted or anything. Just wants the breast. She also likes to comfort suck for ages after she’s fallen back to sleep and if I remove the nipple she wakes up. I absolutely love breastfeeding but I need to sleep too!

Sorry OP. From friends’ experiences this seems like a really difficult age to do it. Often separation anxiety starting around this age and then often changes with childcare etc.
All I would say is start with the bedtime, rather than middle of night, make sure baby is self setting then (this doesn’t mean leaving them for ages to scream), gradually withdraw the comfort you provide and offer alternatives. Once bedtime is mastered then start to worry about nighttime. Good luck.

Why didn't you get their tongue tie snip when younger ?

Feeding shouldn't hurt you

This is not really any help to you but I couldn't be the one to go in to mine in the night at this age because they would then just want to breastfeed. If my dh went in and reassured them they would go back to sleep no problem. Unfortunately if you want to keep breastfeeding then they will probably still keep wanting it through the night. You could try being very strict about no breast overnight. Offer a sippy cup of water and a cuddle but I don't think babies buy it.

Can you get the tongue tie sorted?

The more you sleep train the more she's getting re-traumatised by not being attended to by her primary carer. I think I'd press pause on it for now and continue cosleeping and breastfeeding until she's a little older tbh. It's tough but while you breastfeed she will probably continue to only be resettled by feeding. Personally if I'm cosleeping I don't find it a big deal for my baby to latch on while I sleep so I only have to wake up for about 30 seconds while she latches. Does this work for you or do you find it hard to get back to sleep?

Also does she have a filling bedtime snack? Perhaps a late supper of porridge with her breastfeed at 10.30 would help her go longer.