5mo sleep regression, help please...

[dash26]

4 month sleep regression hit the day DD turns 4 months, it's been going on 5 weeks now, I'm close to broken. She has been waking every 1-2 hours sometimes less every night since. It takes me forever to resettle her, have to feed her and transfer her back to cot, most times she wakes straight away and I have to start over

Don't see my husband anymore other that when we do a handover at 1am each evening to start my "shift". All my NCT friends babies are sleeping 10-12 hours straight none of them are dealing with this (all formula fed, whereas I am the only one mostly breastfeeding. I am not enjoying maternity leave like I thought I would, I am just too exhausted. Feel like I'm in Groundhog Day, I love her to bits but I can't help but ask "why did we have to be the ones that got the sleepless child". I am so grateful so is healthy and I have to remind myself of this but I am just so tired.

I can't stand hearing DD cry, it's breaks my heart, have tried leaving her a few times to see if she will settle but her crying escalates to screaming every time and I have to feed her, she will not self settle. She doesn't seem to get comfort from me picking her up and cuddling her, it has to be fed, which makes me sad as well, makes me feel just like a feeding machine and she doesn't actually care when I pick her up.

I don't know what else to do, I don't even want her to sleep through, I just want 3-4 hour stints again. Is the only option sleep training? Has anyone else seen a massive improvement without sleep training?

Co sleeping saved me with both mine. Too young to sleep train at 5 months anyway. It will get better. Sorry for brisk reply but wanted to say something having seen this now hoping to get back to sleep myself- just fed my 10 month old who no longer co sleeps and does 4-6 hour stints now. Don’t believe people who say that at this age co sleeping is rod for your own back etc

Hey! Currently awake holding a sleeping teething 9 month old! I feel you. I’m exhausted as she’s been none stop all night. Refuses to go down and will only sleep held/with a nipple in her mouth!!
Tonight is a particularly bad night but she has never slept through., ever.
I am the same… do not want to sleep train and cannot stand to hear her cry (especially when I know feeding will settle her).
I co-sleep instead. It’s the only way to get some sleep. Breastfeed lying down and you both just drift off during or after the feed. No rocking or placing in cot needed! Have you tried this at all? Could it work for you? If so google the safe ways to co sleep (lullaby trust).
I hope it gets easier for you!

@dash26 @Brightandbreezey thanks both for responding, I have tried co-sleeping a few times following all the right guidelines I just find it extremely uncomfortable and DD has a terrible latch lying down, so I just find myself wincing most of the night awake.

My DS2 had a similar regression. Went from one or two overnight wakes to every hour, impossible to resettle. We've just come out the other end and he's 5.5 months, the last week has been better. For what it's worth he's formula fed, his older brother who was exclusively breastfed slept through the night from very early on and had no regression.

It's not the way you are feeding. But make sure they are not reverse cycling. Eating so much overnight tgat they don't feed much during the day. The key to full night sleeping is daytime calorie intake

For DS2 I am pretty sure it was the dummy causing it. He couldn't self settle without it when he woke at the end of the sleep cycle. He's now, after 6 loooong weeks learnt how. Thank god.

Hi, I just wanted to say that I could have written exactly the same as you when my now toddler was a baby, including the bad latch lying down and feeling like I couldn't cuddle him, he just wanted feeding!
Mine at one point was waking every hour and I'm not sure how I functioned.
I decided to go with the flow in the end, co sleep and he slowly just started to sleep longer stints, his latch got better etc etc.
You will no doubt be told by many on here that you should immediately sleep train. For me personally it was something I didn't want to do and looking back I am very glad I didn't but if you feel you are really struggling then it might be something you have to turn to in order to save your own sanity!

Just to be clear. I didn't sleep train it out of him he just figured it out on his own and stopped waking up. Would've sleep trained if it hadn't stopped though so no negative opinions if you chose that option

@Whentwobecomesthree Thanks so much, really interesting what you say about reverse cycling I had never heard of that and I definitely think she is eating more at night that during the day, the problem is is that when she wakes I have to feed her back to sleep, if I don’t she will be awake for hours crying. trying to increase her day feeding but she is taking less bottle and is really fussy and distracted now when bf.

@Bumble6 i will definitely try to persevere with the co-sleeping if it doesn’t improve. The sleep training is such a difficult one as I want and need a quick fix but not sure if I can go through a rough patch to get there.

May not help you but I had the same issue with co sleeping lying down. I had more success half sitting up with lots of pillows. This is in no way the NHS guidelines tbh they will probably shoot me for treason if they see this but when things got super bad with my little one we did 3 weeks sleeping like this. I got the huge pillows from ikea (65x65) they sell them at dunelm as well and made a nest for myself. I could lean back into the pillows and had things under my arms to make sure my arms were in place. To make sure it’s safe when I hold baby at the start of the first feed I’ll lie back and completely relax my arms and make sure baby isn’t going anywhere. If you’re fully supported they just can’t roll off then I basically held him there latched on and slept more in the night. By no way a fix but may help you when you’re completely exhausted. When he wakes you up just switch boobs and drift off again. We recently ended our BF journey and in a few nights we transitioned him back in his cot so the damage is reversible (tough few nights but he’s in his own room now). You also don’t tend to do a deep sleep when you do this so I believe it’s virtually importable for the baby to roll off anywhere whilst feeding and you not feeling it! Again def against nhs guidelines but it got me a little more sleep when times were tough! Hoping things get better for you soon mama x

Hey OP, I really really feel you as I was you a month ago. Suddenly maternity leave was really miserable, as was I, and Co-sleeping also didn’t work for me as I found it so uncomfortable.

My advice (for what it’s worth, and every baby and mum is different)….

• Go into survival mode and do what it takes to get by. Ready meals, frozen pizzas, take aways, forgetting the house work etc. Focus on getting as much rest (rather than sleep) as you can.
• Get a routine nailed. It doesn’t need to be specific times, but really work out what works for your baby in terms of wake windows. If you can be sure that they are neither over tired nor under tired then that helps massively with self settling. Plus decent naps will mean you get rest time.
• Which brings me to sleep training… we tried it and it’s really helped give us some evenings back. But we made sure he wasn’t hungry, in pain, over tired etc. And to be honest I could never leave him to hysterically cry. Just do some research and do what works for you.
• Rule out any source of pain. During our worst spell of nights I actually found out DS had an ear infection.

I should caveat this with the fact that I am absolutely no expert as our DS is still waking four times a night. But that is so SO much better than every hour, honestly the difference a three hour stretch makes is unreal. So if you take nothing else from my post please do be reassured that this will pass.

it’s been a few weeks and just wanted to provide an update. Things have deteriorated significantly and 1-2 hourly wake ups I once complained about seem like a dream right about now.

DD now refused to be put down in her cot at all even from a deep sleep, she just screams and screams so she now has to sleep on me and DH. We basically have a newborn again but so much worse.

Tried co-sleeping again but she just wants to be latched on all night and it’s just too painful so I would rather stay up and have her sleep on me.

We hired a sleep consultant but her methods seem to involve a lot of shushing and patting which DD does not respond to, if anything it enrages her more.

I know I will look back on this in years to come and it will be a distant memory but in the thick of it right now I can’t help thinking, what the hell have I done!

I'd try hungry baby formula & baby porridge. I know it's the rule to wait until 6 months but honestly I imagine they are hungry.

Oh no @dash26! We are where you were in your first post at 4.5 months so I'm horrified to think it can get worse! Waiting for partner to wake up and take her for an hour or so before work so I can get my only unbroken bit of sleep.

From what I understand, sleep is more about development than nutrition and some babies are lower sleep needs than others - we're also EBF and I'm trying hard to trust that she's getting what she needs in a biologically normal way rather than thinking formula would fill her up more for a full night's sleep. I think we're looking at returning to split shifts although I don't know when I'm going to pump - we'd literally just got to the stage of her falling asleep earlier so we had an hour together to watch TV while I pumped when the rest of the night went to pot!

I can assure you it is nothing you have done. As I said in my previous post, my baby sounded exactly the same and I remember at one point he would only sleep in my arms. I felt so tired, angry and so confused as to where I had 'gone wrong' and was questioning every little thing I did. So many people told me to just give him a bottle, sleep train him, I was even told that at five months old he was manipulating me.
Looking back I now realise that it was obviously just what he needed at the time, for whatever reason it was. He is now a confident toddler who does none of the sleep things he did as a baby and I wish I hadn't spent so much time worrying about it all and am so glad I didn't listen to other people.
Having said that, I understand from experience that sleep deprivation is brutal and if you feel you aren't coping then, if anything medical has been ruled out, sleep training of some sort might have to play a part and you might have to go through a few different methods to find one that works.
If you choose not to then at least know that it really will get better at some point and that all the parents with the great sleepers (that I used to want to burst into tears everytime I heard about!) will come up against different problems at some point.

This sounds brutal and exhausting! But it really sounds like you are doing everything you can to support your little one. It will get better and until then she knows she’s safe with you.
All I can suggest is looking into safe chest sleeping. If you have Instagram - cosleepy and happysleeper have advice on how to do this safely. Your baby isn’t latched, just held whilst you get some sleep too. I’ve never done it but believe it can be done safely.
Also check out Sarah Patel - instagram teachtosleep for holistic sleep training(no cry it out).
I am sorry things are so tough for you. I hope it gets better x

I’m so sorry to hear that you’re having an even tougher time we were there a few nights ago!! You really mustn’t feel like it’s anything you’ve done. Babies are fast learners and that can be both good and bad. It means at the bad times they can very easily pick up “bad” behaviours like requiring a lot of comforting (not saying that’s bad hence the quotation marks!! Just being more dependent which can be hard for you) but they can also quickly drop those. At this point I can’t imagine anything you do which isn’t them sleeping in your arms wont result in crying. Think of it this way…

You can usually sleep pretty well by yourself next to your partner. One night you have a nightmare and your partner cuddles you to calm you down. But you like that so the next night you ask for a cuddle even though you don’t have nightmare. It feels safe and warm and comforting. The next night 5 min cuddle isnt enough and you extend it a little longer. Within a few nights you may no longer wish to sleep on your own and find it hard to drift off without a cuddle.

that’s basically your baby now they have got used to sleeping comforted by you (of course that will be their fave place!!). So unless you can offer them something better they will never be happy going back to sleeping by themselves. I’m telling you this so you know that trying out new methods will most certainly involve some crying even if you’re next to them even if you’re comforting in other ways they won’t be as good as being held. At some point they will cry as they get used to the new normal. That being said they are fast learners so it can take 3 days on average to change a behaviour. But it will involve some crying. Don’t blame yourself and if you can embrace that. Some methods have more crying for less time (controlled crying or Ferber) others have less crying for longer no of nights (like pick up or put down). Find what you’re comfortable with and stick with it for until you get some results. Babies cry because they protest as well as for their needs. If they have been fed ccuddled nappy changed burped really any other crying is them wanting comforting. And whilst you want to comfort them there has to be a point at which you need to make sure you’re okay as well. Lack of sleep can really take a toll both emotionally and physically so a few nights of crying for a baby that is well may be worth it for you to get back some sleep and sanity. Baby will be fine with some crying but you will be like a new woman once you get some more sleep!

we were in your position and have started the Ferber method very effective and finally getting more sleep. If that’s not for you then I’m sure your sleep consultant will help but brace yourself for some crying whatever method it’s normal your baby will be fine and you’re a fantastic mother whatever you decide to do. Just make sure you make yourself a priority as well!! Good luck!

Have you tried calpol?

Teething pain starts long before the teeth are erupting.

Sorry it's so tough right now. It will get better I promise. My youngest was horrific until 8 months, then he suddenly became an amazing sleeper, I didn't do anything other than start being a bit more careful / routined with day naps. He was formula fed from 3 months but it didn't seem to mean he slept well, he was waking every 40 mins at one point. Then suddenly changed.
I hope you get a better stretch of sleep really soon. Hang in there.

Really recommend looking at an account called 'just chill mama' on instagram if you haven't already.