12 week old - at wits end when does it improve

[Dubi]

My EBF 12 week old has his longest stretch at night of 2.5 hours. He then wakes up hourly. He does actually feed so I feel like he does need it? It’s at the same time every night though so not sure if it’s also habit.

he is also an absolute nightmare to put down once fed. Can’t just plonk him down he cries / brings his legs up (he is a nightmare to burp and I find it either doesnt come out or he’s fully awake if I try at night). Husband currently trying to bop him to sleep whilst he’s screaming

he is a terrible sleeper in the day too; naps for about 30 mins at a time unless in the carrier.

he’s on omeprazole for reflux and sleeps with the tilted bed, swaddled, white noise machine and red light on

he also refuses a bottle otherwise I’d be doing that

for those that this sounds familiar please tell me when it improves or anything you did? I’m so sleep deprived it’s unreal and I don’t know how on earth I’m going to continue for weeks / months to come 😭

I should add when I do put him down and he starts crying / writing around generally if I pick him up and hold him he sleeps calmly so it makes no sense

It will improve. Between 8-12 is tough.
Legs going up means often means lower gas - do cycle the legs and gently tuck knees to tummy and the straighten them to help release the gas.

I would stop the white noise immediately and use natural sounds such as thunderstorm/rain noise or nothing at all. White noise is not natural, and it can actually cause anxiety in people/babies.

It's the reflux. My youngest had it, and it was horrendous.
Ask for the HV to show you how to alter his sleeping arrangements and positions more suitable for him.
I would tell you myself, however, it was 7 years ago and he was a NICU baby. The rules were slightly different, and I don't want to give you dangerous or inappropriate advice.
In the meantime look up alternative ways to wind babies, there are a few different techniques you should absolutely try rather than just patting on the back.

That sounds very familiar, although quite a few years back for me. I battled on for ages waking every hour and it did settle down naturally, albeit very slowly. I remember the agony of nothing making a difference and watching everyone else with babies seem to live in another world. I can assure you that you will look back on this one day, it will not last forever!

In terms of advice, subsequent babies were co-slept with and it made the world of difference in terms of my patience, sanity and sleep. Ultimately my biggest tip is to let go of any expectations and just take it as it comes. No expectations = no disappointments!

He can sleep when you hold him as your touch is powerfully comforting, so without that touch the reflux/discomfort wakes him, with it, he can sleep.
It's hard to be so sleep deprived. At one point for a few months with my DD I was getting two hours sleep total a night in ten minute pieces. I couldn't even finish sentences in the day and to this day I don't know how I got through that. I hear your struggle.
It does get better. Hang on in there.
My D's had horrendous reflux and the story was very similar to yours. I couldn't lie him flat at all for six months or he would puke... Luckily six months is the classic time for that sorting itself out, and so it was with him, so everything improved at six months.
I hope you don't have to wait as long.
I'm glad your DH is engaged and on the team with you.
Solidarity to you.
Try to get rest if not sleep whenever you can. Any time you can switch off will help you get through. So if family will be there to help while you're in another room that would be something, even if you stay nearby in case of feeds.

I just wanted to add an update to this in case anyone’s going through something similar

the post I wrote feels like such a world away now my little boy is 9 months. He is still such a bad sleeper, but I gave up trying to change things and now co sleep after his first / second wake up. Honestly, letting go of expectations and becoming content with the fact he is a baby, he wakes in the night but won’t forever, has been life changing. I also know I will miss his night waking when he no longer does it, weirdly enough!

for anyone in the trenches, I found after 3 months things improved, we got some spurts of good sleep, less fussiness etc, and by 5 months he wasn’t fussy at all, just a happy little boy, still a crap sleeper but whatever! And now, 9 months, I wish I could go back and give myself a hug and say how all will be ok. More than ok actually. It is the hardest thing ever in those early months but wow is it incredible when you’re the other side of it. Hope this helps anyone that needs it

That is so very comforting to hear, thank you for following up with us. I have an almost 10 week old and really struggling with colic/reflux and sleep. I am desperately hoping it gets better!

Hi! Congrats on the new baby! Yes, it is just awful when you’re in the midst of it, feels relentless and never ending and quite like groundhog day every day!

My son is now 1 and I was just saying today that he is the easiest baby ever (except from sleep, still!). Hes just so happy all the time, and an absolute joy to be around… but the first 5ish months were so tough.

reflux - we put him on omeprozole at about 3 months. We noticed a difference in crying but not sure if that was also just because he was getting older. He was only on it for about a month before the colic stopped and we stopped giving it. Could be worth trying that?

colic is horrible, all I can say is just keep putting one foot in front of the other and hang in there because it does get easier I promise.

sleep - still not got anywhere with that so no advice other than to just let go of expectations and your body adjusts quite well to the lack of sleep eventually 😂

hang in there, you’ve got this!! I’ve honestly forgotten how bad it was and am now broody again after insisting my son would be an only child… that speaks volumes!