Newborn will not sleep in next 2 me

[oliveroses]

Hello! My newborn is very new - this is only his third night. The first night he wouldn't settle until he was given some formula in the hospital; the second we were at home and he settled briefly after a bit of formula overnight but beyond that was up all night (and so was I). He just will not lie down on his back/ in the next 2 me - as soon as I try to settle him there he starts shrieking. I persevere but then the only way to soothe him is the boob - but as we are only on day 2/3 my boobs are extremely sore ( getting help for this as I'm not sure if it's just teething issues or a problem - all midwives I've seen have said it's looking good). Who knows if he is hungry but he's had half a bottle of formula and a 20 minute feed (and my milk is in) in the last 90 minutes. I know he is probably cluster feeding but I don't think I can put him on the boob every twenty minutes as my nipples are killing me, and even if I do, he will still wake again as soon as I lie him down. And then we will be in the boob cycle again. And I won't get any sleep. What do I do?! I can't stay awake all night again! I don't remember it being like this with my first, who slept terribly in the round but I could get him down in the cot at night from quite early on. In fact I used to have to wake him for feeds. Thanks for your help!

Op, have you got a partner? Can you feed, hand baby to them, have them do skin to skin and you sleep? It’s not unusual for babies not to want to be put down, or to want to cluster feed near constantly at this point. But It is also ok for you to need to look after your own needs!

Was baby born a good weight? Could you follow safe sleeping guidelines and cosleep? (Mine would be more likely to go down next to me, than without me, which the crib felt like for them). Other tips that worked for others were warming the next to me (hot water bottle, removed before baby went in).

Sending hugs for now and hoping you get some sleep soon. X

Most newborns don’t. Don’t be fooled by marketing and IG fantasies, the majority of newborns will not sleep away from you! What my husband and I did was take shifts overnight to hold the baby, and I wish I’d known about cosleepy on instagram and how to go about chestsleeping because doing it in shifts sucked so bad! Yours might also be ok with regular cosleeping, mine didn’t even like that!

With the feeding issue, get nipple shields! I had to wear them in the early days for a few days for every feed and then managed to reduce down to every other feed and eventually stop using them. As well as a lactation consultant opinion of course. In my experience it does sting a bit before your nipples are “stretched” and then it stops hurting, it’s not completely painless at first even if there isn’t a latch issue.

I’d be wary with nipple shields actually, I think they were a factor in breastfeeding not working for us this time (I express milk now.) Most creams will sort any soreness out, it is painful to start with though.

Nipple shields, lanolin, someone else to hold the baby for chunks so you can sleep safely

I have a week and a half old baby and am using nipple shields on and off and topping up with expressed or formula when she's still frustrated after feeding for 20mins - she dropped 11.5% weight in first 5 days and is jaundice so this is the feeding plan she was put on by health professionals. She now sleeps better and consents to go in the bedside cot and is gaining weight well. I feel awful that we didn't realise she just couldn't get enough milk from me. First week dh and I tag teamed all the nights and it was so exhausting. Hang in there!

It is normal for a newborn just to want to be close to you through the night. We coslept with both of ours during this period. My 2nd child did eventually take to the side sleeper when they were a little older so don't write it off altogether. The nipple pain suggests something is not quite right with latch or positioning (assuming there is no tongue tie) so I'd get a bit more clued up about this. Don't just take a midwifes word that it's ok as they can miss things, and you shouldn't be in so much pain.

There is a great video you can watch to understand latch and its impact on milk transfer and the anatomy at play. Will try to link...

Also a great video on cosleeping by a professer who has studied it..

Finally I would suggest you have a look for breastfeeding groups in your area so you can seek some support. There is probably also an infant feeding team you can get referred to in your area to troubleshoot the pain issues. The HV can refer you. Best of luck, and congratulations on your new baby!

I once did 20 feeds in a day, I was basically trapped on the sofa all day and night. Sympathies.

I think in the beginning we almost never put the baby down 🙈

I had some luck swaddling and getting the baby to sleep on me, then transferring to the n2m when he was in a deep sleep.

My baby never slept in her next to me crib as newborn either. She hated it until she was about 3/4 months old. I ended up swaddling her and putting her down in a Moses basket and that got us about 3 hours at most.

I had similar issues breastfeeding. The advice I got from the breastfeeding team/health visitor was to strip her off for skin to skin. They said if she was nodding off to tickle her ribs gently or wipe her face with a bay wipe to keep her awake and keep her drinking. They also said if she finishes on one boob to try her on the other just in case she hasn't had enough.

The best thing I got for sore nipples was weleda nipple cream. We also topped up with formula twice a day which was a godsend for me as it meant dad or grandma could get involved and give me a rest.

Midwives are often not properly breastfeeding trained, you need proper bf support, there will be something often peer support groups. Pain is an indication something is wrong despite it “looking ok”.
Cluster feeding is normal and adding formula where there’s not an indication that topping up is required will likely make breastfeeding very difficult.
Most newborns don’t sleep, you either take shifts or co-sleep generally. They also don’t go down awake/drowsy if they do go down it’s usually once in a deep sleep after falling asleep on you.
Are you swaddling? This made a huge difference to our nights.
I also found I had to move down the bed so I was face to face and sleeping right on the edge of my bed with my hand on baby for him to sleep in the next to me for a fair few weeks.

You could try warming the next to me crib slightly with a hot water bottle and then obviously removing it. Drops of breast milk on the bed sheet or a muslin which smells of you could help. Was told these tips when I had my first.

My baby never slept in the next 2 me, hated it. We tried everything and spent a small fortune on every sleep aid we could.

I thought babies just slept anywhere
you put them 😂 - in the end we put the carrycot attachment off the pram in the next 2 me because it was a bit more cosy for the baby but even that was a stretch for him, we got about hour tops.

Thank you so much to all who replied. I am feeling much better and very reassured! I think I must have completely erased this stage from my memory and I've completely reset my expectations. I've been trying to do normal life and have days and nights - of course our baby has no idea what time of day it is and it's such a huge change for him. Thanks to your combined advice I have been swaddling tightly, using the hot water bottle to warm the bed, and I have embraced cluster feeding despite the pain. It is really paying off. Last night was by no means brilliant but every time I put him down he did stay there for just under an hour at the shortest - after 6am he stayed asleep til 8.30! He was awake a lot before 4am but I know that's just how nights are bound to be.

@Callmemummynotmaaa DH has been helping but mostly in the days as that's how it will need to be once paternity leave ends. This is ok with me on the whole as it does mean he's wide awake in the day to take over if I crash out. I can't believe the hot water bottle trick works but it seems to!

@GinnyBee I used shields today and it has really helped with healing a bit I think. I am hoping my stretching happens soon - it does a feel very bruised!

@Summermeadowflowers thanks for the caution. Will try and use the shields sparingly. Glad to have it confirmed that it does just hurt at the beginning though.

@seven201 so glad things are on the up for you. Yes, I think he was hungry before as I was doing more of an 'every three hours' approach to feeding rather than following cues. No idea why!

@ReluctantFishLady thanks so much for the advice and videos. Yes I think there is something wrong with my feeding even though I've been instructed on it so many times. There is a local clinic I can go to and I emailed someone about a private consultation today. I don't think I'm getting enough of the breast inside his mouth...

@TheBeesKnee remind me when cluster feeding tails off?!

@birdywillow Moses basket is a good idea and I will try that if we have further trouble here. I bought some weleda today as I haven't come across it before. I don't know why but I always forget to do skin to skin. I'm going to put in some serious sofa time this next week - as I said at the top I've been trying to be too BAU I think.

@HippeePrincess thank you, I am follow up on breastfeeding support. I was bleeding today so agree something is wrong. I also moved down the bed last night so I could keep my hand in the n2me and i will rearrange things tonight to make this more comfy. I started pumping today so I can cut out formula for now.

@tulipsunday I think I will wear the swaddling Muslin for a bit and/or put some milk on it, thanks!

@MammaTo I know, whoever came up with the phrase 'sleeping like a baby'!?

I think cluster feeding came in waves, it wasn't necessary constant.

However at 4 months ish babies become a lot more efficient at feeding and feeds are less 30-40 minutes and more like 15-20 mins in my experience.

My baby was exactly like this, DH and I did shifts for the first couple of weeks so I could sleep for a solid couple of hours between feeds. Brutal! Hang in there 💪🏻