Sleep - which is worse?

[FirstTimeMamaH]

My LO's sleep has gone from bad to worse recently. He's consistently waking at 1am after about 3.5 hours sleep, and although I can get him back to sleep he wakes if I put him in his next to me. Sometimes he wakes instantly, sometime 5/10/15 mins after going in, but either way I'm not getting any sleep after 1am 😭

Last night I tried repeatedly until 4.30am, then gave up and got my husband to sit on the couch with him sleeping on his chest so I could get a few hours of sleep.

I guess we're just wondering are we better continuing to try over and over to put him down so he learns to sleep in his next to me, or should we just let him sleep on us so he actually gets a good night's sleep??

For reference he's 3 months old (13 weeks), and co-sleeping isn't an option because he'll only sleep on top of us, not even beside us. Plus our bed is way too soft for safe co-sleeping unfortunately.

Side note: he's always been impossible to get into the next to me during the day, but since we could get him in at night (albeit often taking a few attempts each time) I just let him contact nap during the day. Now I'm wondering have I made a mistake doing that, should I have forced the next to me from the beginning even if it meant him being way over tired... maybe then we wouldn't have the same bad habit creeping in at night now 🙈

Have you tried putting him in a separate room? It could be that you are waking him up.

No advice but solidarity! My DD is almost 4 months and has always needed to sleep ON us, she’ll sometimes do the odd 30-60 mins in the next to me but that’s it and I also spend numerous nights putting her in and getting her out. I sometimes feel terrible for waking her up every time, especially as it doesn’t seem to garner any improvements!

We’ve just bought a heating pad to put in the cot, and then remove just before we put her down 🙏

Please don’t put him in a different room, he’s only 3 months old @KnickerlessParsons !

Have you tried white noise ?
Tommee tippee do one called a dream wave, it's a red light and white noise

Can't remember the science behind the red light aiding sleep though
They also say don't give a comforter under 6 months but I think we introduced one around 4 months with my second , I wore it in my top in the day so it had my scent and placed it in the next to me, not right next to them though

I also did a sleep course which was really useful when my first was around 3 months
I'm sure if was the one through the honest midwife / let's talk birth and baby

Also my first also contact napped on me during the day for months I wouldn't worry about it, the sleep consult said " it's only a problem , if it's a problem for you" if you're ok with day contact naps go with it and not worry about bad habits at this age
My first was also very tiny 6lbs didn't like the next to me until around 3/4 months, she slept in the Moses basket, have you tried a Moses basket ? I think there was too much space and she settled much better in the Moses basket

Thanks, we've tried a hot water bottle to warm the mattress but sadly it doesn't seem to be fixing the issue 😭 definitely not ready to move him to his own room yet though!

I don't think it's us waking him as he's waking so quickly after going down, and also he is getting one good stretch of sleep in our room so I think it's just related to him being less tired after his first stretch or something

We have tried white noise, but we might try it again as we gave up pretty quickly when we saw no improvement from using it. The comforter isn't a bad idea, I did try making his sheets smell like me but that didn't seem to do much, but maybe having something smaller that can absorb more of my scent is the way to go!

Yeah we tried the moses basket and even the proper cot, it seems he just doesn't like to be put down 😭 he's the same with the pram and the car seat too... think he's just a bit of a velcro baby 🤣

He's also a pretty big boy, he was 8lb 14 when he was born and is very lanky... I think he's hitting his arms off the side of the next to me already 🙈