Our ludicrous co-dependent sleeping situation.

[Carouselfish]

This is entirely my fault and most of the time I'm OK with it but really know it has to change so my 8 year old gets a full night's rest.

I was in a bed in her room until she was about 4. I then moved upstairs (their bedroom is ground floor). She then got into the habit of waking up at midnight and coming up to sleep with me. Then had her sister. Her sister shares her room and would sleep through if it weren't for 8 year old waking up. So now I have a 3 and 8 year old in bed with me. And there isn't much room.

If they haven't come up, I can't sleep and lie awake waiting for them!!! I've got a baby monitor so am very tuned into slightest noise. If just the 8 year old comes up I have to get the 3 year old as I worry about her being downstairs alone. Sometimes I try sleeping in their room in the 8 year old's bed but then she wonders where I am and comes back down. It's like musical beds!!

I know this has to get sorted out but 8year old very tearful and insecure and refuses to sleep alone. Her bedtime routine involves me staying til she's asleep.

I've made a huge mess of it all and don't even know where to start really.

I would tackle it in stages.

Looking first at your own anxiety around the situation. I don't think you need a baby monitor when your youngest is 3, and the idea that you're lifting your sleeping 3 year old to bring her in with you seems to be adding to the musical beds. You could see if you could commit to trying to prioritise making changes to the approach?

And then your 8 year old. I would suspect that going to sleep on her own at night is a key part of then being able to stay in her bed through the night - a bit like a baby who can't self settle then needing help to get back to sleep in the night. So agree a gradual plan with her to limit how long you're in with her in the evening to work towards going to sleep alone?

Good luck!

I’m not sure if my solution will help as my circumstances were different, and it was only the one child.

My husband and I moved abroad for a military posting when my Dd was nearly 3. We left her cot behind and put her in a child’s bed.

Everynight my Dd would wake and come into our bedroom and climb in bed with me. I would be stuck in the middle with my husband in deep sleep one side and my Dd sleeping starfish on the other side. I felt like I got very little sleep.

I bought a smallish mattress that would easily fit under my bed. My Dd would appear at the side of my bed at night, she’d settle down on the mattress, I would hang my arm over the bed so she could hold my hand.

Eventually she would come into our bedroom and settle on the mattress under her favourite blanket without even waking me up. Then she started sleeping through the night.

Just a final thought, I myself don’t like the thought of sleeping on the ground floor and I certainly wouldn’t want my children to sleep downstairs if I was upstairs. Can you swap rooms?

My 3 year old is just in the process of transitioning into her own room. I end up in her (top bunk) most nights. The thing that is working for us is totally redecorating her room. I would switch rooms with your girls. Pick out new colours or whatever so it's a brand new room. New bed linen or whatever if you can afford it and make it all exciting to sleep in there. Then sleep on the floor if you need to but not in her bed until you can transition out and into your bed. It's a long road.

This is the thing that has helped my (much younger) DC start to sleep through. Dunno if will help what with age differences but sharing in case..

DC loves falling asleep all snuggled up next to me (often lying on my head) if has woken in the night. I was always so tired would let into my bed, or else take them back to their bed and lie with them in there. Have now switched at bedtime and for night wakings to me sat in an armchair in room while they fall asleep. After a few nights of this the night wakings have miraculously stopped! At first being in the armchair meant it took ages, but is now actually much speedier than before and we all sleep better (and in our own beds).