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Holding 5 month old all night

17 replies

laallass · 19/10/2023 06:41

A month or so ago I started bed sharing with my DD as it was impossible to put her in her cot without her waking and crying (she will only fall asleep being breastfed) It was going quite well with her waking every 90 mins or so and me being able to feed her back to sleep lying down without fully waking myself.

Recently it has completely fallen apart. I can’t feed her lying down anymore, she squirms around, pushes herself away and then cries but feeds fine if I pick her up, or even quickly falls asleep if I just hold her sometimes. The problem is I can’t put her back down again, even right next to me without her waking. It’s got to the point she even starts to stir as I’m moving my hands so I can get in a position to move her. Me and my partner are just taking turns to hold her all night.

I really don’t know what else I can do. She has been a very alert and active baby since birth and none of the usual advice seems to work on her. She is having some teething pain but that’s not what wakes her, she’s not in a lot of distress, just stirs, grizzles and it always progresses to full crying if I don’t pick her up.

Ive already tried:

  • white noise machine
  • checking daily naps are appropriate for age
  • making sure she’s not too warm or cold
  • bedtime wind down routine
  • sleep consultant
  • very gentle self settling, patting, shushing etc, she just gets more worked up
  • habit stacking
  • magnesuim supplements
  • osteopathy
  • unlikely to have allergies or silent reflux

I don’t know what else I can do. I’m sure that sleep training would be a disaster, she would just scream her head off for a very long time. She was a very stressed newborn and we’ve managed to calm her and discovered that she’s actually a very smiley baby and I’m not willing to reintroduce stress to her life through leaving her to cry.

Shes so busy in the day you’d think she would be knackered. She was rolling at 12 weeks and crawling at 4 months and just keeps going!

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maryjanedoe · 19/10/2023 06:45

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Twimum23 · 19/10/2023 06:53

When u go to lay her down try putting a muzzy against her face obviously not covering her nose or mouth and once she is asleep move it away I do that with my twins and works a treat

laallass · 19/10/2023 07:09

Thanks will give it a go!

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MrsPatrickDempsey · 19/10/2023 07:20

What did the sleep consultant say?

Fipfop · 19/10/2023 07:20

Will she take a dummy. I quickly put one in when a feed finishes and that seems to help settle her as I put her down?

Experiment with different ways of laying her down as well. My daughter likes to put laid down on her side. Once she's fast asleep she goes onto her back but for the initial put down, side is best for her.

laallass · 19/10/2023 07:37

Had me move to a later bed time with the last nap at 6, helped me sort her naps out aaand gave lots of suggestions for how to put baby in cot without waking, none of which worked!

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laallass · 19/10/2023 08:43

Thanks! I've tried three brands of dummy and she hasn't taken to any of them. Yes I need to experiment more with putting her on her side. It would be easier if she didn't keep getting longer! 🤣

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Twimum23 · 19/10/2023 08:56

@laallass also try laying her on a feeding pillow and see if she stays asleep mine also like sleeping on theirs makes them feel like they still be cuddled

sakura06 · 19/10/2023 09:02

Can you get one of those mattresses that goes around them? Sleepyhead I think they're called? She might feel like she's being cuddled then? Sympathies! This is a rough time sleep-wise!

laallass · 20/10/2023 09:28

Thanks everyone, another tricky night but I ended up managing to manoeuvre DD into a side lying position mid feed and it worked more than once! Hopefully it wasn't a fluke and I'll get more sleep tonight ...

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Twimum23 · 22/10/2023 21:34

@laallass hows the sleeping going ?

laallass · 24/10/2023 06:19

Thanks for asking 😌

Pretty much the same! Had an amazing night on Saturday but then back to normal, last night was awful. It doesn't matter how long I hold her for, as soon as I even start to reposition my hands to put her down she starts to stir. I just don't understand why she's suddenly stopped liking being fed lying down!

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Twimum23 · 24/10/2023 13:08

@laallass Have u tried a feeding pillow it makes them feel like that are still being held my sleep in theirs as I have a double as twins

laallass · 24/10/2023 15:44

I have a feeding pillow that is C shaped, is that the kind you mean? Not sure how she would sleep on it!

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Twimum23 · 25/10/2023 05:55

@laallass mine are c shaped but the double one when I’ve fed my twins I lay them in there side on it and the sleep almost straight away worth a try

Wanderdust · 06/01/2026 03:25

What ended up happening? I'm in your boat and terrified for our mental health. It's unsustainable to be holding all night, this is night two and I feel suicidal.

laallass · 06/01/2026 06:54

@Wanderdust hi! You sound so exhausted, sending hugs x

So my daughter is two now and this post feels sooo long ago. Truth is she still has never slept through the night but we're in a totally different place emotionally with it now.

I vaguely remember that at around 6 months old I was at the end of my tether and I tried her in the cot again and she just went in without a bother much to my amazement. Still waking every 90 mins for another year after that I reckon and she'd come into bed with us once I'd had enough of getting up. Now she wakes once or twice a night and comes in with us the first time she wakes because i want to get back to sleep as quickly as possible.

Recently had a random week of her refusing to go in the cot again but it fizzled out just like every other bizarre phase she's had!

The only thing I can say to you (and to my former self) is that you've got a cuddler and the best thing you can do is to accept it and find a way to manage it. When it gets really tough, try to have faith that it will pass, because it will.

Good luck!

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