When/how to transition away from co-sleeping

[Jolio123]

So I am a FTM, currently in the trenches of newborn phase with a 2.5 week old DD born via forceps delivery. She is EBF and I hope to continue if my mental health allows! I’m finding the baby blues quite difficult and as such my midwife suggested safe bed sharing/cosleeping as DD will not settle if put down and will only contact nap. I have read this is common for BF babies… but I don’t want to be sharing my bed for a long time. I also worry about SIDS and the quality of sleep I’m getting as well as relationship with DH. When is the best time to try and transition her into her next to me crib? I’ve tried all the tricks to get her to settle there but she won’t have it (swaddle, white noise, red light, warming mattress…). At the moment when it comes to bed time I’m too exhausted and anxious to even consider trying it as it then involves a “reset” of calming her, feeding her until she will sleep next to me in bed. Any help appreciated!

Hi. No advice really but I wanted to say that we co-slept on and off. I never thought I would but it ended up being the only way for everyone to get enough sleep during difficult phases. I think it's much more common than you think, so many of my friends did it for survival. In so many countries it's just the norm. I suggest following Lyndsey Hookway on Instagram for great tips on making changes in a gentle way if things aren't working. We finally moved away from cosleeping a month ago, ds has just turned 2 and it just happened naturally, he seemed ready. We got a small double floor bed which he sleeps in and we can lie with him to get him to sleep and then sneak away. I miss cosleeping now but also enjoying having my bed back. I found once I stopped fighting it and wishing it were different it all became less stressful.
You can do lots of searches on safe cosleeping to get the rules but after initially being very anxious about safety I did some deeper digging and found the main factors are smoking and drinking alcohol, nether of which I did so felt much better about it. This is a good article.

https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/how_cosleeping_can_help_you_and_your_baby

Oh other actual tips - I used to breastfeed with him on his mattress so I could transfer him on the mattress into the cot with less disturbance. And I'm afraid I used a sleepyhead mattress too which was a game changer. It's not meant for overnight sleep though so do your research first. I was desperate what can I say. If you've got the money my friends swore by the snoo cot which ups the rocking of the baby stirs or something.

DC1 & 3 were like this. I just rolled with it until they were happy. Both were happily sleeping in their next to me by a few weeks old. I used to attempt once at the start of the night then co-sleep from first wake. Make sure you do it early enough so if it doesn't work you aren't restarting the cycle at like 10/11pm when exhausted. Initially I would only get 30mins/1hr but that first stretch got longer. When you put her down make sure you put her bum down first then really really gently lower her head and keep your hand on her chest. This has probably been the single best piece of advise I had! Also hold them upright after they finish feeding before transferring for a good 20/30mins to make sure all wind is up.

i contact slept for weeks. I ended up putting something that smelt like me near her like when she got bigger I put a top of mine in. I used to cuddle her Muslins or wear them for a bit and put that over her etc. something safe that they can smell you on.

No real advise. Eventually gave in and co slept with my DD when she was 6 months old. She was BF and very attached to me. I couldn't cope with the half hourly wake ups any longer. It naturally stopped at 1 yr old (with the odd blip). Just do what you need to do and what you are comfortable with. If you carry on co sleeping just get all the info to make sure you do it as safely as possible.
I used to find my husband had better success at putting DD in her cot. 🤷

Thanks for all the stories and tips! Tried the last 2 nights and she lasted 1hr first and then 20mins last night. I bring her back into bed with me after she stirs but it seems to throw her off for the rest of the night after that..