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Original poster

Dummy for sleep

16 replies

NickD87 · 06/10/2023 21:53

Hello,

We recently adopted a gorgeous 5-month-old DD. She is absolutely wonderful in every way.

She sleeps well...but is very dependent on her dummy for sleep. Not just to go to sleep, but to stay asleep. She is sleeping in a bedside crib, meaning we are up every half an hour or less in the night popping her dummy back in.

From reading, I know that dummy use is great for getting babies to sleep - but the foster carer who had been looking after her for the three months prior to our adoption has been putting the dummy back in any time she stirs in the night. It seems she needs it in to remain sleeping.

It means that now, if DD doesn't get her dummy put back quite sharpish after it falls out she will wake herself up.

Is there anything we can do to try and get her to not be so reliant on the dummy to stay asleep?

It's a bit tricky, as she is quite new with us and we don't want to overhaul the things she is used to.

Any tips greatly appreciated!

Thanks

OP posts:
BurbageBrook · 06/10/2023 22:18

Depending on how recent the adoption is, I'd give her at least a month just doing exactly what you've been doing - maybe have a rota or split the night with your husband to pop her dummy back in. She's been through such a huge change/trauma in the change of caregiver and it may well be that she's sleeping more lightly as she's unsettled and it will naturally happen less as she gets older.

BurbageBrook · 06/10/2023 22:19

Meant to say, after that I'd consider trying to take the dummy gently out of her mouth as she first falls asleep so it doesn't fall out and startle her awake later.

AngryBirdsNoMore · 06/10/2023 22:31

Congratulations on your adoption, OP.

I have used a dummy with both of my sons (now 2 years old and 3 months old). Both had bad colic and the dummy instantly soothed them and provided comfort and relief when nothing else did. The dummy continues to soothe my older son who has some other unrelated health issues (gastro stuff) and hasnt yet had any negative effects on eg his speech or teeth.

But the dropping out at night - oh my. I remember this driving DH and I up the wall with DS1. With DS1, he just gradually got better at not dropping it and at sleeping even when it fell out. But that did take probably until he was about 9 months old, when he could in any case put it back in.

Some babies can sleep through dropping it. DS2 is one such baby. DS1 was not.

I don’t have an answer for you. Some of the stuff I’ve read suggests that taking it out as they’re dropping off will allow them to cope without it as they sleep. Works for DS2, absolutely did not work for DS1 🤷‍♀️

If I were you, I’d weigh up the benefits of the dummy against the irritation of constantly having to replace it. We decided it was worth the irritation, but it was really bloody annoying, so I do feel for you.

AngryBirdsNoMore · 06/10/2023 22:32

BurbageBrook · 06/10/2023 22:19

Meant to say, after that I'd consider trying to take the dummy gently out of her mouth as she first falls asleep so it doesn't fall out and startle her awake later.

Yes, this is the advice I’ve seen in some of the books. As I say, worked for 50% of my kids! 😂

WanderingWitches · 06/10/2023 22:41

We used this trick 😂
They soon learn to grab one and put it back in.

Dummy for sleep
DuploTrain · 06/10/2023 22:50

We had this exact problem, stirring every half hour until dummy was replaced. And DS was nowhere near being able to reach out, find a dummy and replace it himself.

We went cold turkey and took it away at 6 months when we did sleep training. However I’m aware that this wouldn’t suit everyone.

Some babies do learn to link their sleep cycles better and stay asleep even when the conditions change (dummy falling out in this scenario). I would be tempted to wait till 6 months and then if it hasn’t improved maybe consider if it’s better to try and take it away.

Spiderpiglet · 18/01/2024 17:35

How did this go for your LO Duplo? I’m at the 6month stage and ready for my DD to move to her own room but she needs her dummy replacing when she stirs. She can sometimes sleep without but other times needs it to go back to sleep. I’m worried I’ll be up and down all night unless we bite the bullet and go cold Turkey/ sleep train at the same time.

What was your method and was it a success?

DuploTrain · 18/01/2024 18:51

@Spiderpiglet we did Ferber method and removed the dummy. It was literally life changing. I recommend reading the book just to understand more about sleep and why you’re doing it.

It took 2 nights with some crying. First night he took 20 minutes in total to settle- with frequent check ins. (not 20 mins crying in one go). Second night 10 mins total. Third night asleep within minutes. And most importantly stayed asleep for much longer than he ever had.

He’s 2 now and still goes to sleep in seconds and stays asleep, and I’m still really glad I did it. It would have been so much harder if I’d waited till he was older.

Spiderpiglet · 18/01/2024 19:03

@DuploTrain thanks so much for sharing! I’m so glad it worked for you and your LO! Everything I read seems to suggest that sleep training does work and makes for a better nights sleep for everyone. I think I just need to do my reading first and then commit!

DuploTrain · 18/01/2024 19:13

I was terrified before I did it! I got my DH to take days off work because I thought we’d be up all night with a screaming baby and having a mental breakdown ourselves 🙈 Thankfully it was nothing like that all.

AngryBirdsNoMore · 18/01/2024 23:18

DuploTrain · 18/01/2024 18:51

@Spiderpiglet we did Ferber method and removed the dummy. It was literally life changing. I recommend reading the book just to understand more about sleep and why you’re doing it.

It took 2 nights with some crying. First night he took 20 minutes in total to settle- with frequent check ins. (not 20 mins crying in one go). Second night 10 mins total. Third night asleep within minutes. And most importantly stayed asleep for much longer than he ever had.

He’s 2 now and still goes to sleep in seconds and stays asleep, and I’m still really glad I did it. It would have been so much harder if I’d waited till he was older.

Which book please?

My 2.5 year old is still firmly attached to his dummy - I feel mean taking it because he has a horrible bowel condition and has to take medicine that tastes horrible and gives him cramps. So he gets the dummy for comfort and as a reward. But it is going to have to go at some point…

DuploTrain · 19/01/2024 07:22

@AngryBirdsNoMore The book I mentioned was Dr Ferber’s book (Solve your child’s sleep problems).

I was recommending it for the frequent waking though - I don’t think it has much specific advice about how to stop using dummies, except just stop giving them. Which sounds like it would be difficult for your DS.

Spiderpiglet · 19/01/2024 07:49

@DuploTrain haha that was going to be exactly my plan! After the night time training did your LO also ditch the dummy for naps too?

Dollmeup · 19/01/2024 07:55

Dummy bombing! Leave a few scattered around in easy reach. I think we had about 6 in there.

This is the worst stage with dummies. With my first we just took them away at this stage and she learnt to settle without them, however second was more attached to them so we kept going.

They are just about getting to the stage where they can find one and put it back in and given the recent adoption I don't think id wean off it at this time. It's a pest but a few more weeks and they will learn to find them on their own.

Rosiiee · 19/01/2024 08:53

We just turned 2 and still using dummy to sleep. As per PP you can dummy sprinkle so they can always find another. Haven’t thought about getting rid of it yet 😬

DuploTrain · 19/01/2024 09:25

@Spiderpiglet yes we just got rid of the dummy completely. As he was only 6 months I think he just forgot it existed very quickly.

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