Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Sleep

Join our Sleep forum for tips on creating a sleep routine for your baby or toddler. Need more advice on your childs development? Sign up to our Ages and Stages newsletter here.

Flip

Original poster

3 month old obsessed with dummy to soothe

23 replies

abbiegail · 04/10/2023 18:16

Hi! I’ve got a 3 month old DD and she never settles to sleep without a dummy, no matter if I rock or pat her bum or shush or etc she is inconsolable and won’t settle to sleep until the dummy is in her mouth and then it’s like immediate soothing and she goes to sleep.

I’m not upset about this but I am a bit concerned as I know they start to associate things with sleep at 4 months and it’s hard to change their associations but it seems like she already has associated her dummy with sleep to the point where it will fall out of her mouth during sleep and when she realises she gets upset and starts sucking her fingers or cries until the dummy is back in her mouth. I know she won’t really self settle at the moment since she’s so young.

I just don’t know if this is something I should try to change now to reduce her reliance on it or if she’s still too young as she’s only little and if I should wait but I don’t know if there’s gonna be a rod in my back for long term. If anyone has advice that would be great 🤍

OP posts:

Lifeinlists · 04/10/2023 18:28

Sucking is instinctive in a small baby so the dummy's just part of that. If it soothes her so well why would you want to take it off her already? There's also evidence that it helps regulate their breathing when asleep.

Dummies do seem to cause strong feelings in some people but at 3 months I'd just leave her to it. If she's happy , you're happy etc!

TinyTeacher · 04/10/2023 18:55

Some babies really need to suck. I'd roll with it personally. My eldest never took a dummy, but my boys did and still do have one at bed time to help them relax (nearly 3 years old). They can fall asleep without them, but it speeds it along a lot, and they dont wake when it falls out about 30 mins after they fall asleep.

If baby is happy sucking fingers this might be an alternative? Personally not one I prefer though, you can choose to remove a dummy but not a thumb...

It's a bit of a tradeoff I reckon. Yes, one I I boys did need dummy replacing every few hours for the first year. Have to admit this didn't bother me in the slightest as we were cosleeping so i barely woke to do it. For me, that was a good trade for quick and easy bedtime and nap time every day. His brother never really needed it replacing, but does take longer to not off. See what works for you -you can always make changes if you don't like how things are working.
Fwiw due with DC4 in a couple of weeks and definitely hoping she'll take a dummy! I don't regret it at all.

YouAndMeAndThem · 04/10/2023 19:06

When my kids were 3 months old they wouldn't go to sleep unless they had a boob in their mouths!!! My 2 year old would struggle to sleep without his dummy! Just go with it, they all grow out of it eventually

gerteddy · 04/10/2023 19:13

Don't worry about it. I didn't want t give a dummy to begin with. Midwives in hospital said she looked like she cld be doing with one as always looking to suck.

She had it until just after 2. She absolutely loved it but I got her off it with no bother at all.

Youngest was a more difficult child in general and she had it to just after 3. Only had it for bed after she 2. We tried once when she turned 3 and it was hell. Next time a few months later it was a couple of bad nights maybe up to a week of still asking for it etc. Overall I wld still give one if I had another. It just soothes them and is a real comfort.

Octobermeterreadtime · 04/10/2023 19:16

Before too long she will be able to pop it back in during the night.. Leave a few near her head /sides... Move her hand near it to guide her at first! It's pure bliss when they can do it!

amispeakingintongues · 04/10/2023 19:30

Sucking is instinctual at this age. My son wouldn't sleep unless he had a boob in his mouth and once he was asleep it was very hard to detach myself without him wanting it back! Its all normal and 3 months is still so little

Excited101 · 04/10/2023 19:34

Some babies are just sucky babies! And for now it’s helping reduce SIDS so I’d keep it for now, down the line you can tackle it.

Shopper727 · 04/10/2023 19:36

I’m not sure it’s reliance on something to sleep, if she sucked her thumb what would you do, it’s comfort. 1 of my children was a thumb sucker, soon as he could keep it in the dummy was gone, the other 3 all had a dummy they all slept and settled well and got rid about 2/3 older for my youngest due to asd. With sleep you do what works at the time. I had 2 under 2 and whilst I didn’t like the look of them with dummy’s in they only used them for sleep times.

rosesarered94 · 04/10/2023 19:36

My 3 year old spat his out when he turned 10 months old, my 8 month old won't sleep without his but we will be getting rid of it when he turns 1. They grow out of it eventually so don't worry - whatever gets them to sleep I say!

colourwheelofortune · 04/10/2023 19:40

I agree. She sleeps and so do you. At three months that is such a bonus. Trying to do away with it now is a bit optimistic, so go with it for now and deal with it later. Not many 18 year olds sucking dummies.

Thesearmsofmine · 04/10/2023 19:42

She’s using a soother for its purpose. She’s tiny, it’s fine!

SassyPants87 · 04/10/2023 19:43

I think the guidance is once you’ve introduced a dummy then not to try and remove it until 6 months? To do with SIDs I believe.

TwilightSkies · 04/10/2023 19:45

That’s what dummies are for! They’re magic.

Jellycats4life · 04/10/2023 19:51

Just let her have it!

MN is full of dummy panic, lest they still be sucking on one when they’re 15 😅 Don’t stress. I let mine have one until they were around 2-3, then just at night until they were around 4. Gave it up no problem. No teeth issues. No bloody dummy fairy!

SassyPants87 · 04/10/2023 19:53

Also to add my eldest didn’t have a dummy but ended up being a thumb sucker which is MUCH worse than the dummy! Really wish I had given her a dummy if I knew 3 years down the line she’d still be sucking her teeth with wonky teeth!

ladyvimes · 04/10/2023 19:53

Let her use it. My dd was obsessed with her dummy til she was 3. Literally would have it all the time if I let her. Didn’t affect her speech or teeth or anything. Dummy fairy came eventually. Whatever helps them sleep at the moment is key.
I sucked my thumb til I was a teenager and that was much worse!!

Winnipeggy · 04/10/2023 19:53

3 months is very young to be worrying about this. If you've offered a dummy to a baby and they accept it then it's totally normal for them to rely on it for sleep, you could try taking it away but I don't really see why if it works to settle them. My 18mo still has hers at night time and obviously it won't be forever but if it comforts her then I'm fine with it

Original poster

abbiegail · 04/10/2023 20:05

Thank you to everyone for the advice! 🤍 I definitely want her comforted so I’m always willing to give her a dummy, I’ve just had comments from my health visitor saying it’ll be a nightmare to remove it from her later on and how it could affect her teeth and speech, and I saw online about sleep associations so it was definitely all playing on my mind whilst writing this post 😅 new mom anxiety is no joke

OP posts:

amispeakingintongues · 04/10/2023 20:13

Yes I’ve heard that “advice” before but i think its quite outdated and not based on much actual science. Besides, your little one might decide she’s had enough of it sooner than you think. My boy had a dummy from about the same age so I could give my nipples a break but he started rejecting it at around 6 months. Mum anxiety isn’t always helped by some of those health visitors so things like this i’d take with a big pinch of salt x

Mumof1andacat · 04/10/2023 20:36

My ds had a dummy ay night until 3. He is now 10.His teeth and speech are fine. One night we lost the last dummy and that was it no more dummies. If tgars what your baby needs let them have it.

Octobermeterreadtime · 04/10/2023 21:08

Op seriously I have double figures of dc.. All but 1 had a dummy. 1 has had braces due to over crowding not dummy - teeth.. None have needed speech therapy and every single one binned the dummies themselves around 3 years old and agreed they were too big. No big drama at bedtime either.. Ignore ime the Professionals in this case... They aren't the ones needing to comfort a distressed dc if you take the dummy away are they??

weegiemum · 04/10/2023 21:20

My oldest 2 had dummies until about age 1, we took them away at that point (at the advice of a close friend who was a SALT).

The youngest sucked her thumb (we saw her sucking on a scan a few weeks before she was born!) and there was no stopping her, by the time she was 10 her upper teeth were deformed enough to have the orthodontist place a bar brace to prevent her getting suction.

She had stopped by age 12 and as she's got bigger her mouth has grown and her teeth are fine now (she's happy with them which is the important thing, she's a beauty therapist now at almost 20 and very particular about her appearance!!)

FudgeSundae · 04/10/2023 21:30

Both of mine had dummies which I took away at 7/8 months, mostly because they woke themselves up looking for it. Both of them had one disturbed night and then forgot about it and never asked for it since.

Flip