9 mo sleep - any ideas?!

[VerySleepy2023]

Would really value help with our sleep situation, I’m struggling!

firstly, naps: my baby only ever naps for 30 mins, and it’s getting hard to cope with!

He self-settles in his cot, and I follow his sleep cues and wake windows - usually 2 naps, with 3ish hours between naps and 4+ hours before bed.

I’d love him to have a longer nap at some point in the day but am at a loss as to how I achieve this!

Secondly, night sleep:

Again, he self settles to sleep (after some hefty gradual retreat training months ago).
Bedtime is 7. He’ll then wake at least 3 times (at 10pm, 1/2am, 4/5am), sometimes he’ll self settle but usually he escalates til I breastfeed back to sleep, and then he’s up for the morning at 6/7am.

I know that in order to finally get some decent sleep I need to cut down the night feeds but I have no idea how to do this! He guzzles every time, but I think it’s a habit-hunger.

We’ve tried rocking him back to sleep instead, but he’ll wake as soon as we put him down. We’ve tried sending DH in but he just cries and cries (baby, not husband haha).

He’s a very happy and active little sweetheart in the day, no issues there!

All suggestions/thoughts would be super helpful, thank you so much!!!

My 9 month old sleeps for 40 min at a time, it's so frustrating. Ive discovered if I go up at 30 min and sleep feed her a bottl, she'll sleep another 40 min.

I did a 10pm sleep feed until fairly recently, now she sleeps until 5am, feeds and goes back down for 2 hours. Maybe try pre-empting the waking periods?

Is your LO cold? That can cause frequent night waking.

Also, when I was BF, DD would often fall asleep and not get a big enough feed, resulting in waking hungry. Perhaps that's happening?

Tips to tire out - swimming classes, go outside in pram once a day, lots of crawling and baby interaction. This usually helps DD nap more regularly.

Good luck X

thanks so much for getting back to me @GingerLiberalFeminist, whilst I wish you had more sleep too, it’s nice to not feel like I’m the only one!

No worries! I was doing the 5am slot this morning and fretting again, wishing she would just sleep through!
Best of luck!

Can’t help you with the night time. My eldest eventually stopped waking, with no change in my approach, at around 20 months. I fed him back to sleep every time else he’d scream the house down. My 18 month old twins still wake 2/3 (or more!) times a night. My husband can settle them back to sleep (because if I’m already dealing with one he has to get the other one) but it hasn’t seemed to make a difference to how often they wake. They’re amazing at nap time with respect to self settling too.

Dragging naps out… just try and cut in just before he wakes and try and pat and sshhh back to sleep. Or feed as PP said. I’ve been mostly successful with this. I think eventually their bodies get used to the bigger chunk of sleep and they just start sleeping for that long without your intervention.

Thanks so much for getting back to me @ReeseWitherfork - oof, that sounds so tough with the twins too, you must be exhausted! We bit the bullet at the weekend and started cold-turkey night weaning, sending my husband in each time. It’s already dramatically reduced feeds, which is ideal!

for naps, I’ll try your idea! I’ve heard rousing them slightly just before their usual wake time can help. Will investigate! X

@VerySleepy2023 Off topic, but would you mind detailing your gradual retreat please?

Of course @ShutterHaze no problem. We did it when he was 3m and full disclosure there was a fair bit of crying, but never leaving him to cry on his own. This is what I did:

Week 1: For the first week, I put him down awake (when I saw a yawn or two), and cuddled him in his cot, basically fully over him. He did cry, but I only picked him up if he really really escalated. The first few times it took ages (maybe an hour?) for him to drop off. I found it emotionally hard but knew his needs were all met so just stuck it out. I did this for every nap and every bedtime, and he dropped off faster each time.

Week 2: The second week I moved to holding both his hands, but didn’t cuddle fully. This time, if the crying escalated, I’d go back to cuddling, but not picking up.

The next few weeks:
After hand-holding, I moved to one hand, and if he escalated, back to both hands. Then I moved to just sitting by his bed, then sitting further away, and eventually leaving the room.

In total it took about a month. I know every babe is different but it did work for us - now we can just pop him in his cot and leave the room and he settles himself to sleep within 5mins without rocking/shushing/feeding etc, so whilst it felt pretty brutal when it was happening, I’m glad we stuck at it. Also, it’s weathered a few regressions where his sleep went to pot, we’ve never had to repeat the sleep training.

@VerySleepy2023 That is SO helpful - thank you! My baby used to be able to self-settle but seems to have lost the ability…! I might therefore try something like this.

In the first week when you picked him up when crying, would you put him back down once he was calm again?

Thanks again!

Yes, I tried to get him back down when he was calm but awake, before he drifted off in my arms. Inevitably he would cry again straight away but over time this did change.

Sometimes I wonder a) if I should have waited til he was a bit older before trying and b) what would have happened if I’d just left the room, whether he’d settle quicker, but I wasn’t ready to do that at 3m! Now (9m) it’s definitely true that if I stay in the room he takes longer to sleep.