Tips for getting baby into crib asleep - live testing 😂

[thelma57]

Currently have DD 3 months on my chest and it’s time to start a night of our game of in and out of the next to me crib.

She hates it and I rarely get more than 40 mins a night 💀

Already had 2 false starts tonight, when I thought she was in deep sleep.

Give me your tips and I’ll let you know what works!

FWIW DD has never ever done a longer stretch than 2.5 hours in there and most nights I get a couple of 20 mins!

Can you list anything you've tried? I've heard good things about warming the sleep area ahead of time with a hot water bottle which you then obviously remove, making them less likely to wake up when put down.
Good luck! ☺️🤞

Hey @ZeppelinTits tried -
Hot water bottle
keeping hand on head and chest
holding away from body before putting down
keeping close to body when putting down
sleeping with sheet so it smells like me
white noise
red light (tommee tippee dream thing)

FYI just got 15 mins from her before she woke - there’s no calming her in the cot once she’s awake 😥

Oh I’ve also started to time how long she’s been asleep and do the arm drop test to check for deep sleep (helps a little to time spent in cot) and always do bum down first, then gentle lay down of back and head

Don't wake until she is asleep. Put her down drowsy. The earlier you start this the easier your life will me.

Babies regularly wake through the night and if they aren't in the same place they fell asleep they will cry because it's unsettling.

She is also at the age where you can incorporate a bit of a routine during the day with nap times etc and appropriate wake windows. Look up wake windows and stick to it.

I speak from experience as I did exactly what you are doing with my first son and he was a terrible sleeper. By 2nd son I had found out about wake windows and I just used to stick to those timings and put him in his crib/cot and he would go off himself. Did the same with the 3rd who is our best sleeper.

Good luck Op. I hope you get some rest tonight

Hey @PlumpAndGrump we do stick to wake windows but all naps are contact naps as if I put her in the cot sleepy/awake/asleep she will slowly start to kick off and then doesn’t end up getting any nap time until I’ve calmed her and she’s back on me 😭

It's awful isn't it. I can usually put mine (11weeks) down ok but he wakes at the end of every sleep cycle so 45-50 minutes. And I sometimes can't put him down until 15 minutes after he falls asleep leaving me with half an hour to get some sleep.
We put him down like this: once asleep, wait 3-6 minutes then rearrange him so I have one hand under his head and the other supporting his back in a way that I will be able to stand up and maintain. Another few minutes (or sometimes immediately depending on how he takes it), then stand up. Another few minutes then slowly lower into his crib, keeping my chest against him if possible. Side first more than bum first for us. Then wait in place with the crib taking his weight but my arms still there. If he's still, move the arm under his back around so I can lower him into his back fully (from his slight side position). Possibly hand on tummy now if he starts to stir. One he's still, ease my hand away from his head. Then remove hand from belly. Stay in a frozen position praying for sleep and then creep away and try not to lie awake stressing about the next wake up...

We got a snoo smart bassinet but that doesn't soothe him either. It does keep him asleep a bit longer - we were getting frequent 3 hour stretches for his first sleep if the night but that's not happened the last few nights. I'm going to send it back and spend the money on a sleep consultant recommended by a friend.

Drowsy but awake is a joke for us too. I try it a couple of times a week since 4 weeks but it completely fucks up everything especially if I try it for naps because he ends up being awake for 3 hours solid and then both of us are distraught and his naps and feeding are off for the day. Randomly today I fed him to sleep then he woke up a bit but didn't wiggle so I put him in the snoo, had it rocking while I held him and he dropped back off which was a massive win. However no luck at night hence I am up!

We also have found he just doesn't stay asleep unswaddled unless he is held, and we are going to have to stop swaddling very soon 😩

Thanks for the tips @Anonnewbie will give them a try tonight!
I’ve heard of the snoo, looks fancy!

Thing is, she has had okayish nights, but only about 3 of them in 3 months!

In the end 15 mins was all we got, passed her to DH at 3 so I could sleep and of course she woke up again! Good job she’s bloody cute!

Plan for tonight includes moving the next to me as I currently have to climb out of bed awkwardly to get her in and probably wake her up a bit. We have the maxi cosi Iora and it’s so cumbersome!

DS2, 15wo, now likes to be left on his own. We had to move his cot out of our room because if we were in there with him he’d be unsettled or think there was a party. He doesn’t tend to feed to sleep like my eldest did. Doesn’t take a dummy. And he needs to be awake not drowsy to get himself off. There’s sometimes some short lived protesting but I recognise it as a “I’m tired” cry. He contact naps, usually in the sling, during the day. I’d highly recommend cosleeping: with DS1 we’d do it after his night feed (approx 2am) until he was night weaned and we did it exclusively for the first 6 weeks with DS2.

I used to find the cold bed woke my Dc. A trick I learned was to feed my babies while they laid in the thin Moses basket mattress in my arms. Then I would carry them very slowly (like an unexplored bomb 💣) and gently pop them back in while still laying on the mattress.

I have a 4 month old who I have tried a few things with, as he could only be put down fast asleep with a very awkward armed slow put down into the cot and unable to settle. He also needed to be rocked for every nap with reciting the alphabet and a word to go along with each letter or he simply wouldn't go down. He was also sleeping in the living room perched in the breastfeeding pillow next to me for 3 months.

Currently he is napping upstairs on the bed after 20 minutes of silence and sucking his fingers and drifted off by himself as he does now for every nap (past few weeks) and tonight he will probably go down to sleep without as much as 2 groans, not cries.

One day he would. Not. Sleep. And I was by myself so just couldn't do it anymore, all the rocking was doing my back in and he was screaming through bath and feed so I put the monitor on and just left him there ready for bed in cot to go take 5 mins. Within literally 1 minute he was asleep. I had not NOT rocked him to sleep once at that point and that was a month ago.

He started getting slightly fidgety in my arms aftert his when rocking to bed and I thought, maybe he wants me to piss off sometimes and give him a minute (which up until then I hadn't done at all, pure rocking, singing, stoking forehead). He took about 10 minutes of half cry half grumble then fell asleep. I tried this in cot upstairs instead of pillow next to me where he'd usually be, worked a charm and it's been cot ever since for naps.

Firstly a dummy is a necessity in our world, I'm EBF and it has helped massively at him settling by himself which was not my original plan at all but I followed his ques, although will probably be lambasted on mumsnet because they "aren't ready at this age" - he definitely was and it's good for baby to know how to fall asleep by themselves if possible, why not set them up for less stressful interupted sleep if you can?

Secondly this worked for me when I believe the past 2 weeks he had been having a sleep regression and he also has a tooth coming through, very unsettled and not a happy boy. You read everywhere Nap, feed or change and Vice versa, play, then sleep - no. For us this resulted in crying before naps when putting him in cot to settle upstairs. Infant wake, play, change, feed, (then teething gel) then straight down with dummy and comforting words. Barely a peep, no crying, happy little boy laying there for 20 minutes and then drifting off. I think the full belly for naps helps (him at least) and gives some wind down time before the sleep.

If you've tried everything and want to try something new, seeing how baby reacts to being put in cot or middle of bed if safe and left for 15 minutes after nappy, feed, wind down, at least an hour since wake up depending on your baby. I did it accidently due to unable to cope with another scream while I rocked him which now I look back and think he wanted some space maybe to absorb the world around him - within a month I put him down for all sleeps, naps and bed time, barely a fuss, upstairs in cot or on double bed in middle (pillows as buffers with monitor on) after play, clean nappy, feed, dummy in, off to sleep. Occasionally there is a one minute not really a cry but loud cat noises before he goes radio silent and I can see him playing with hands and chilling before drifting off.

Before I was wondering if I'd be rocking him to sleep every day ever until he was 2. Some people are happy doing that but I don't see the benefit to the parent or child just resigning yourself to that for years when within a couple of days or weeks depending on your child, falling asleep by yourself is a critical skill to have and yes all babies are different, but it's nonsense to say it's evil or wrong to help your baby to manage to fall asleep alone with some little cries here or there at a perfect age such as 3 to6 months before they are fairly set on their routine and preferences.

I will also add when I needed a break I let my mum and dad settle him to sleep once when I was rocking him all the time and their method was in pram, hand on chest whilst he cried, and dummy back on every time he popped it out. I was struggling and happy for someone else to do the sleep routine without me and was shocked he fell asleep without a rock. That may have helped him get to the program slightly and I didn't need to be involved and listen to him cry but trusted my mum and dad with that task and to be honest I'm millions better off for it.

I had a terrible back in pregnancy signed off work for 2 months and bed bound for the 4 whole months so couldn't deal with rocking forever like some people are happy to do.

Hopefully anything I have mentioned works somewhat for you, if you have any questions feel free to ask me and I'll give more details. Signed mum of boy who is now snoozing upstairs after falling asleep without any tears or rocking and who seems much more happy for it!

Oh and CBA to scroll up but feed directly before put down for nap took naps from 30 mins to one hour/2/3 hours in the past couple of weeks. Before his regression, in the pillow after a rock he would do anywhere from 30 minutes bang on to 5 hours napping on the pillow.

Oh and wake windows are important for us too, never awake longer than 2 hours unless out and about when he normally drifts off in carrier or pram by himself without needing to time it. Last nap has to end at 6pm for half 7 or 8 oclock bed time. After hour and 15 mins awake I usually take him upstairs to feed and down, sleep usually in 5 mins. If he's particularly fussy then I take him up after an hour and do the feed. An hour to two hours and that sorted our naps right out. When he was little(r) before we discovered wake windows naps were all over the place and id frequently be rocking him for half hour or an hour. Don't be afraid to try on a one off occasion leaving baby for 15 minutes alone (without interruption and 15 mins on the dot unless) after full belly and clean and maybe a little nursery rhyme and see if they respond well to it. It's a method to try at least and if it works you'll thank yourself.for it, if it doesn't, no harm done at all. Babies around the world have had to be left for 15 minutes while siblings are sorted, emergencies happening, etc, and they are fine. Don't be dragged into the idea that you are horrible for trying something new whilst dedicating every waking minute to your little one!!

I’m at my wits end - have tried everything tonight 😭
Kept her in the cot as long as possible before taking her out when she starts to cry.

She wakes herself up wriggling and with her startle reflex. Managed to keep her calm a bit with shushes and contact, also supporting her on her side a bit seemed to work but eventually she wakes up and we’re back to square one 😭

I don’t know what else to do!

Swaddle? To stop any startling and feel secure?

with first I’d get up to put him back in the next to me with his head by me. With second she goes in the other way so no need to awkwardly shuffle off the bed, I just spin n drop. I also throw her cuddly over her face and for some reason it sometimes sends her off/ maybe a sensory thing? Obviously I make sure it’s not over her nose / mouth and watch her drift off then remove it.

only other thing I can think is to suggest co-sleeping. Read lullaby trusts information and make sure you have a safe space set up. Our first coslept and it was the only way I’d get any sleep for a while. Do what you’ve got to do!

She’s almost 3 months now so a bit too old for a swaddle as she’s starting to roll.

I don’t think co sleeping will work as she has the same reaction to being placed on the mattress 😵‍💫

Goes against advice but we always had to put ours down on their tummy. If they stirred we'd pat their back gently.
I'm sure they had gassy tummy's and just generally preferred sleeping on their Timmy's with their bum up!
My gran said her 4 kids all slept on their Tummy's too

Or on their side!
I ended up cosleeping though to make life easier

You could look into a baby sleep consultant as they may have ideas? Although from experience with our first tiny terror most of them say cry it out

Yeah I would never do cry it out. I mean she doesn’t even cry, she just protests and won’t settle! We have had some good nights so I know she can do it!

So frustrating when she’s fast asleep on me and I’m dying of exhaustion every night! She falls asleep so easy and unless moved will sleep all night 😭

Haven't read the whole thread so not sure everything you've tried but when my DD was nearer 4 months I'd had enough of the contact naps so started putting her down in her crib and when she woke after 20 minutes, I'd go in and put a dummy in (she doesn't have a dummy any other time and even during this it mostly pops back out but sometimes she'll really suck it), white noise on, give her a kiss or stroke her head and go back out. Then keep repeating until she gets it.
Didn't think I'd do this either, they do cry a bit at first but you'll be surprised how quickly they adapt. I only started this just over a week ago so it's still a work in progress, but I'm in a better place than I was a couple of weeks back!

Also, I use swaddles from this place, you change them as they grow -
lovetodream.com/gb-en/shop-by-development-uk/stage-2-ready-to-roll

I'm in a similar position, I only have to think about transferring my 4 month old to the cot and she starts stirring! She's a very long way off being able to self settle and I'm not keen on sleep training at the moment.

I have had some sessions with a sleep consultant who offered tips on transfer but honestly if they ever did work she'd be awake again within 20 minutes. She's a very alert baby!

I've moved to bed sharing now as a last resort, I'm not happy about it but it's working, she stays glued to my arm all night instead of thrashing around and wakes every hour and a half or so and I BF her back to sleep. I figure it's safer than one of us falling asleep while holding her.

I've no idea how I'm going to get her sleeping in the next to me let alone her own room!

I've read a few books on baby sleep and the ones that seem most credible and compassionate talk about how modern western expectations of infant sleep are totally out of whack with human nature and instinct. They all seem to say find whatever works for your family and don't feel guilty about it.

Here are some of the consultant tips just in case they work for you!:

Give baby some happy playtime in her next to me crib each day, just toh elp her feel safe and secure in the space.

When feeding baby at night, try feeding her on both sides then put her on the mattress next to you and see if she wakes. If she's full, she may be happier to go in her next to me and be further than arms distance from you.

Start carrying a muslin that you give to baby or have between you as she
feeds. The idea here is to build up the association between you and the
muslin, so that it almost becomes an extension of you. In time, you can put
this in the crib with baby and it may help her feel more settled.

Start 'habit stacking'. This could involve stroking or patting and shushing or
singing while feeding baby to sleep. By building up these extra cues
now, it will be easier to peel back the feeding and, eg pat and sing her to
sleep in your arms.

Put in cot when drowsy but not asleep. And leave the room. As long as not crying for prolonged period, just leave them.

Thanks so much @laallass those tops are great, will defo try, have been doing playtime in there already for some healthy association.

I also agree about it being a culture thing, it’s surely better for everyone to keep them as close as possible in the early days. I’m also so stressed with how much SIDS risk scares me, feel like I can’t win atm.

Thanks @PinkRoses1245 but I know it would just escalate.