The No-Cry Sleep Solution & naps...

[pelafina]

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My words of wisdom are don't read the books!!! All babies, like adults, are different and some just don't conform to this view of when they should and shouldn't sleep. You can encourage some kind of routine yourself but don't be a hostage to what your baby 'should' be doing because you'll tear your hair out trying to make it work not to mention feel like a giant failure if it doesn't.

My DD had no strict routine until 8 months (and that wasn't through want of trying, I read all the books so speak from bitter experience) she mysteriously developed one of her own all of a sudden having long naps rather than her usual 30 mins. I'd say if you're happy with 6 short naps, he's happy with 6 short naps then that is a perfect routine. His needs will change from day to day anyway.

Good luck, don't put too much pressure on yourself

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I am no expert but perhaps you could try either cutting the late nap down, so waking him after say 45 mins then gradually reducing it by 5 mins a day, OR don't let him sleep at 5.30 give him an early bath and then try to settle him into bed by 6/6.30 therefore cutting out that nap.

I would start trying to reduce/cut out the late nap and try to get him to bed early. That way, you will get your evenings back. Then, when you have sorted out that one, the other naps may fall into place or you may feel more able to deal with them.

Good luck.

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Why are you worried about putting him to bed alone?

That sounds like it should work, yes. As you get him into a routine, you could push his bedtime back a little bit if it starts to affect his wake up time - I don't think it will effect his nighttime sleep too much.

I never had much of a routine but always felt that a bedtime routine WAS really important and DD has had one since she was 12 weeks. Now 22 months and never has a problem going to bed (its staying asleep that is the problem).

Why are you wary of putting him to bed on his own? Sometimes you need some space, however much you love them.

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I do understand your fears, but it does sound like they are taking their toll on you both. Does he nap on his own or are you with him the whole time?

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No wonder you are feeling exhausted and a lost! My friend was similar to you and used her angelcare monitor until her DS was about 18 months so it might be worth a try, to give you peace of mind and a bit of time to get things done/have a break. Does he have a cot you could put him in the day or does he only sleep in your bed/moses basket/you? You could try putting him away from you in the day with an angelcare monitor - he may then nap longer because he is more comfortable and settle into a better routine.

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I know, it is so hard. It does get a bit easier though, the more you do it the more you relax. I can never sit down to eat my dinner until I have been to check on DD and she is 22 months. Good luck, and i hope trying to change that late nap works too. xx

Pelfina, hope my comments weren't taken as flippant. I didn't realise that he only napped on you etc. Does he wake up when you put him down? I used to have DD in her pram or on some cushions on the floor in the lounge when she was little which gave me a few minutes to myself. I do totally understand where you're coming from and I promise you, it won't be like this for ever. His sleep routine will improve over the next few months but some gentle encouragement as twofalls has mentioned will help. I used to feel really fretfull putting DD to 'bed' on her own in the evenings and leaving her there too (which I did at about the 5 month mark) but after a few nights of almost continual checking you'll feel a bit more relaxed.

hey there pelafina

we have just started NCSS with dd (6m)

At the moment our strategy for morning and lunchtime naps is feeding her nearly to sleep then putting in cot. Afternoon naps are generally in pram.

does ds sleep well in the pram? I push dd round town till she drops off then either go to a cafe or sit on a bench with a book. I find this is a good way to avoid the 'too late in the afternoon' nap - if she hasn't gone to sleep by 4pm I'll leg it out the house in the certainty of her getting 45min in before 5.

Re evenings, dh does bath and story at 6.30, I feed her to sleep by 7.15 and put her down in the cot with the monitor on.
We take turns going in to her after that as she usually wakes every hour or so - we also have a system whereby if she's still unsettled after 20min the other parent will come up and take over.

This means that even on the worst nights neither of us are ever stuck upstairs in the dark for more than 20min at a stretch and can each manage to eat dinner if not together then at least with both hands.

do not go mad re following the book, it's only a rough guide anyway

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you sound very balanced to be honest. I was super super obsessive about sleep for months because when you're not getting any and haven't for an extended period it is absolutely all consumming. I still don't get enough but it's nothing like the early days. I completely understand about needing a little separation at times. I found it a big shock to the system not being able to have even a minute respite. It's so totally exhausting emotionally and physically and if you're cosleeping and breastfeeding (I did too) it really is 24 hours on duty. I think Mrs Badgers evening system is great, we did something similar because there were some nights when my DD was so restless you'd spend all evening trying to settle her. Funnily enough, since getting the evening back to ourselves, I'm more protective of my evenings than the nights and would rather she woke twice in the night than up all evening.

Pelafine hello again, your 'routine', everything, sounds SO much like it was/is for my dd...we are keenly AP, co-sleep, bf, hoping for some sort of routine but going with the flow but it is really hard when you don't get breaks, AP is the natural way but the natural way is also to have lots of female relatives around to share childcare in the day. My dd is now 11 months and sometimes won't stay in bed without me but i simply selfishly refuse to go to bed at 7pm and could never let her cry, so she'll stay up until i go to bed , then wants to nurse every 2 hours at least. I am def. up for the NCSS and actually read it...but haven't the strength to try a session of the 'pantley pull off'. Anyway good luck! ps. we just go with flow re naps, have one when tired, sometimes you miss them if you're out (though this amazing ergo carrier i use means she often sleeps on my back) but have noticed that she is moving from roughly 2 a day, to 1 at lunchtime-ish. We find it easiest when we relax and don't worry about what other babies are allegedly doing! (and ignore the shocked looks of older relatives and mothers of trained babies!)...there will always be some who find fault with the way one does things but I have such a happy secure baby who knows she can rely on me 24 hours to be there and she never ever cries, and i remind myself of this when i am knackered and close to going on strike ....I could babble on forever sorry...all the best x