What am I doing wrong???

[naturopath]

DS (8 months) has never slept through.

He went through a phase between around 6-7 months of only waking up 2-3 times a night.

Before then, and now, he wakes up between 5 and 10-15 times a night.

Have tried leaving him to cry - there was a couple of weeks where it worked .. now it just doesn't. He gets himself into a state, his eczema flares up, and then he can't sleep from the itching.

I do feed him to sleep, but only because he won't settle otherwise. He screams when my dh picks him up, whereas ordinarily (in the day) he adores him.

He's only just started accepting solids, and only in very small amounts, so I'm guessing he is hungry (is totally bf - no formula).
Can't give him formula or rusks etc. as has allergies and intolerances. Won't eat baby rice.

His sleep during the day averages 1 hour - he won't sleep more, despite my attempts.
Sometimes I even have to lie down with him during the day to get him to sleep.

He's not the sort of baby who can just be 'settled' with a cuddle - he goes crazy if that's all there is on offer. Won't take a dummy.

What am I doing wrong???

You are doing nothing wrong, DS didn't sleep through until he was 1. He was totally BF, fed to sleep (co -slept) and just started to fall asleep without the breast one night, then the odd night he didn't wake - some he did. Do you cosleep?

You're doing nothing wrong!! Different babies are, well, different!My 3 have all been totally chalk and cheese when it came to sleep, so disbuse yourself of the notion that it is somehow your fault- not true!! dd1 was a bit like this- I used to lean over the cot, breathing rhythmically with my head beside hers (sounds crazy now!! ) to get her off, and sit holding her hand for hours! dd2 was far more independant and easier, and ds (17wks) is a breeze, so it really is an individual thing

If you think he is hungry, could you try him with a pureed vegetable?? I realise with his eczema etc that you will need to introduce things very gradually, but if he won't take baby rice, maybe try carrot etc?

We ended up doing a form of controlled crying with dd1 when she was a year old, and I was pregnant again. it was hell on earth, but it worked, and they are all now good sleepers, so don't despair!! It could all change again! Good luck!

We usually end up co-sleeping at some point during the night, depending on how often he wakes. I try to keep him in his cot (he's in there now) unless he starts to wake more than every 30 mins or so, because I want him to be used to sleeping in there, and because my husband finds it difficult to get a good night's sleep with him in bed. But yes, that's what we usually resort to.
I worry that it gets him too used to 'bad habits' though.. (ie not bad bad, just not the sleeping arrangement I would choose for the next few years!)

oh, adn joolyjoolyjoo, he does eat some vegetables, but won't eat purees (he seems to have chosen the babyled weaning route for himself!) and just eat when he wants basically. Sometimes he'll eat, sometimes he won't. He seems to be too tired for tea/supper usually. Ate most of a banana this evening, but that's pretty much all he ate all day.

Seriously don't worry about bad habits etc. at this age. I totally went with the flow with DS, let him feed when he wanted (day and night), let him sleep where he wanted and when he was sleeping through, I moved him to his cot next to the bed no trouble. THe first few nights I tried to keep putting him back in after feeding - it was a nightmare! Just do anything that's easy for you - letting them fall asleep at the breast, in your bed then roll away, anything because they change so often and so much, you could soend ages "training" them to sleep in the cot, through the night etc. and a month later they will change. If you think it's hunger maybe try now he is abit older a little porridge before bed? If he has trouble with milk, use breast milk or some water... at this age I don't think he needs milk during the night as such, but I certainly wouldn't deprive him of it if he wants it... sorry if I am rambling on abit!

Totally agree with ladyOfWaffle- don't worry about bad habits! I NEVER let dd1 in the bed, through bad-habit-worry, and she was the worst sleeper! With dd2 I was too knackered, and she loves her own bed, and was never a problem! Do whatever you need to do to get through this bit, worry about habits if and when!!

ds is 17wks and solely bf. I bring him in, pop him on and doze. You say your ds isn't looking for cuddles- my ds doesn't seem very cuddle orientated either, but he does like a chat! Bring him in with you, feed him if he wants it and relax! It honestly will work itself out- right now you just need to get enough sleep to function!

thanks! yes, feel like not functioning properly. Haven't slept for 8 months and feel like have long sleepless road ahead of me. Mixed up the times of two appointments this week - I never do that!

Appreciate the reassurance. I'm sure all my friends think I'm not doing this parenting thing very well. But they don't have my ds!

Friends, schmeinds! I had a few who had easy first babies and were a bit smug, then had subsequent terrors!! Far better when they get easier as you go along, like mine! Honestly, when dd1 was 7/8mths I remember sitting weeping at her bedside holding her hand and thinking this was the way I'd live the rest of my life!!! NOT TRUE! She now sleeps fine. They all come in my bed in the morning for a cuddle, but that's it! It is the nightmare of children, but they grow up sooo fast! As I said, do it anywhich way you can, and give yourself a break- sleep deprivation is bad enough without adding blame to it!! The fact that your son is so alert and active shows that he has an active and enquiring mind!

dd also has eczema, didn't wean onto semidry foods till 13 months and only did yoghurt at 10 months . Also slept poorly in a cot. at around 8 months we began to cosleep some nights out of desperation and then fulltime as we all learnt how to do it properly over the coming weeks. Dh also hated the idea of cosleeping - which is why I took longer to commit to it and complained that he couldn't sleep properly with a baby in bed. Oh how precious considering that by this time i was a danger to myself behind the wheel of a car and was also working fulltime and not coping any more. It came to a point of thinking to hell with this, she is coming to bed whether or not you like it. You are the adult here, you can deal with it.

and he did. Within a short while he learnt how to cosleep and realised that everyone gets more sleep by cosleeping and he would not trade it in for the world. He loves her little beaming face first thing in the morning and he has learnt to go straight back to sleep if he is woken by any of her disturbances. She is nearly three and for about a year now, she sometimes tells me she wants to sleep in her bed and we never have fusses about going to bed. Must say, I still bf and still send her off that way. It is my happy choice but I know that if needs be, we can stop that without too much unhappiness from her.

About the allergies, have you asked about having RAST tests done? DD had this done and it turns out that she is allergic to egg and cow's milk. The thing is, she always refuses egg and most egg containing foods so I think she was mostly sensitised to it through my bm as I ate a lot of eggs. Now that I have given them up there has been significant improvement in her eczema. I haven't cut all dairy out of my or her diet (she loves natural greek yoghurt with honey) so maybe this is why it is still present.

Hi Naturopath - sounds like our LOs are very similar - see my thread "Think we're going to start sleep training..." - DD also 8 months and waking as much as yours - mostly every half an hour or more in the evenings and taking almost as long to resettle each time. No advice as in same boat but just to offer solidarity! In terms of co-sleeping though a word of caution - it's not the magic answer. We have co-slept since very early and it was fantastic for the first 4 or so months then I began to feel a bit crammed (we only had a normal sized double bed) and often woke stiff, but stuck it out thinking that 6 months would be a magical turning point of independent and longer sleep. In fact it's got much much worse since then. while she's always woken alot in the eves it used only tso be twice once i was in bed - but now she'll sometimes suckle almost all night or that's what it feels like - partly i guess because it's there and why wouldn't you? and i'm too asleep to refuse. we've now bought a gorgeous superkingsize bed which is great, but still prob going to sleep trainmainly cos i haven't had an evening to do jobs or relax for 8 months. anyway, sorry so long - but good luck to you. they'll probably grow up to be geniuses - didn't Leonardo da Vinci only sleep four hours at a time?