Tips on getting baby to sleep in their own room?

[luw7797]

Baby is 8 and a half months and three weeks ago we decided she really was just too big for her next to me and it was time to transition into her own room. She really hasn’t taken to it well and the best she manages is a two-three hour stretch at the beginning of the night and from there it’s pretty much every hour, sometimes a bit more sometime a bit less. When she was still in mine and DPs room she was down to two wake ups a night, one between 2 and 3 and another at 5, she’d usually be up for the day at about half 6/7. We aim for 7 o’clock bed time. She has two or three naps a day, usually about an hour and a half each. I’ve tried less day time sleep but she gets so mardy and overtired. I’m going a bit mad with the lack of sleep and constant up down up down. I thought we’d have a rough week or two but it’s been three weeks now with no improvement. We use white noise, black out blinds, she doesn’t feel too cold or too hot so I don’t think that’s waking her up. I’m just not sure what else to try. Not comfortable at all with trying CIO or Ferber or anything like it so I really am stuck for ideas. Does anyone have any tips? TIA xxx

I recommend the Ferber book (Solve Your Child's Sleep Problems)

Following as we are the same. 3 weeks for us too and no improvement

I can only guess it’s due to all the extra space as mine rolls and turns all night compared to in his next to me! We dropped to 2 naps at the same time as moving rooms and I initially blamed that but I don’t think it’s that. I refuse to go back though and bring him back into our room so praying it gets better sooner. I’m currently blaming my partner who refused him going in his own room esrlier or being put in there for naps

@Tiredmamma123 so hard isn’t it! I also wish we’d done the move earlier as I think it’s lined right up with the 8 month sleep regression. We’ve put a travel cot into our room now so she’s starting the nights in her own bedroom and coming in with us later on if the constant up and down is getting too much for me but to be honest she’s not been much better in the travel cot with us which is what makes me think it’s the 8 month regression. In a way I’m hoping it’s a sleep regression rather than where she’s sleeping as hopefully the regression will resolve itself in a few weeks and all will be well. I’m hoping and praying lol!

I’m hoping too. I read online it said 2-6 weeks for a sleep regression so hopefully over soon. I have played around with the wake windows and nap times etc so if in a few weeks it’s not better it’s definitely a self settling issue/bed issue I think. So hard to guess

i would have thought by now he would be used to his cot space etc what wake windows are you following and naps? Do you contact nap too? We do, I am trying the first nap of the day in his cot but always have to rescue them!

I don’t want to do controlled crying, someone else I know recommended the chair method which I said I will try if things don’t settle soon xx

Following with interest as I'm in a similar boat with my just turned 8 month old!

I'm following with curiosity as we're moving our dd 5months into her own room for daytime naps soon and looking for tips and things to be aware of

8 months is peak separation anxiety time, so for a baby who was used to you being there, it's probably quite scary to wake up alone! She sounds like she's probably waking at the end of every sleep cycle because she wants to know you're there.

It may also be that she's cutting teeth, or about to crawl, or another big development could be going on which often affects sleep.

@Tiredmamma123 we aim for two to three hour wake windows. Usually with a bit of a longer wake window at the end of the day, but not always. She’ll usually have about an hour and half’s nap at 9ish then again at 1 or 2ish. Some days are still three naps though it really depends, I always say I “follow cues with wake windows in mind” sort of a best of both worlds, or I tell myself that anyway lol. If she is napping towards the end of the day I will wake her up before five so she has a decent amount of awake time before bed at 7.
Shes pretty much an exclusive contact napper 😭 She will sometimes have a rare nap in the car but only if she’s very tired and not before a lot of screaming. She will sometimes nap in her cot but only for a max of 30 minutes. She’s very grumpy if she doesn’t get an hour and a half but once she’s had the 30 mins in the cot it’s difficult to get her to go back to sleep again so I end up with a grumpy overtired baby. Because of this I just do every nap as a contact nap. I could persevere with the cot I suppose but I just don’t have it in me at the moment.

We’ve also started doing dinner, bath, boob, bed the last few weeks but I can’t say it’s made much difference.

@CocoPlum Thank you for your reply! 100% in the separation anxiety stage as she cries if I even go out of sight during the day time. Does this stage pass fairly quicky? It breaks my heart to think of her feeling scared and alone but the move to her own room needs to happen eventually and don’t know if bringing her back in semi-permanently would be just making it “later me’s” problem. I really don’t want to still be room sharing with a toddler as selfish as it may sound. We've also moved back in with DP’s parents as we’re saving for a house deposit so we spend all our evening in our bedroom so it’s not even like we could put her to bed in here then go downstairs and spend time together there as his dad likes to use the living room for gaming on an evening. Until we moved her our evenings were spent in near silence sat in bed on our phones so we’ve really enjoyed the little bit of freedom we’ve had since moving her.

Is the priority to have her in her own room or for you to get more sleep?

Because it may be that if you'll choose anything to get more sleep (like me!) you might be better off putting a cot in your room and having her in there if she was only waking a couple of times.

I co-slept with my DD from 4 months as it was a way to get more sleep when she wanted to breastfeed every half an hour, moved her into her own room at 10 months but still co-slept when she woke up for the first time in the night. We still do now and she's just over two because I'm too lazy to get out of bed more than once for her and she wakes up two or three times!

Sorry, cross posted there, is there room for you to hang out in her room in the evening? Maybe she'd sleep longer in the familiar environment of your room but you could still escape to get some time to yourselves?

Start with trying to get little one to sleep in their cot for the first nap of the day (this is usually the easiest).
How is little one falling asleep at the moment? And where - in arms or in cot? Try to settle in the cot so that you don’t have to transfer and she wakes all confused as to where you’ve gone.
Does she have a cuddly comforter or similar in the bed?

My baby is same age and he's in with me and his sleep is identical/ I think it's the age and teething! So sad as he used to sleep through the night so well until now

We have just been through this at 8mths and now ds 10mths is doing well in his room bar the odd night of wakefulness.

I let him play a lot in the nursery during the day. The first week we moved him over I started doing all naps Inc wind down time in there using the exact same routine and stuck to that for a few weeks until he got used to it. We had a few weeks of very disrupted sleep but consistency was key. Every time he woke I went in, snuggled fed and soothed him back over, back in the cot and repeated every time he woke up. To me it was all part of him learning that I was still close by and I would always respond when he needed me. After a few weeks of really no sleep it did start to settle. I put a few dummies in the cot and now he finds them and resettles himself back to sleep.

You need to remember that there are massive leaps in development around 8 months- they learn you can leave so we worked a lot on peek a boo and around doors and walls etc to make it a game and reinforce that you will come back. Teething is another big one, still figuring out solids and their digestive system getting used to new foods etc. Plus around then my wee one also got a lot more physical and started crawling and pulling up and babbling more etc. So there's a lot happening in their wee mind at that age which is all processed during sleep. Keep an eye on wake windows, don't let them get overtired and keep to the same routine every night time and it does get easier.

Alternatively if it is just not working and you're all miserable could you switch to a floor bed and baby proof the room and Co sleep?

@luw7797 very similar to me re contact naps. I keep thinking one day I will miss them but I need to get things done too. I have never ever been able to sleep when baby sleeps during the day. I have started the first nap in his cot, doesn’t last the full 1.5 hours so I rescue it and I do the first nap of the day as I read they are more tired then and I also have the second nap to contact and ensure a full nap.

likewise we never had an evening, my partner is a worrier and even when bed is early we sat in the dark in bed on our phones - he didn’t want him left in a room alone using the monitor, even now at 8 months apart from night time but to be honest I’m so tired I just go to sleep Myself.

@Lavender14 good to know you went through similar and it’s improving!! I know what you all say is correct, so much going on but it’s hard isn’t it.

dare I say it, we had a better night, bed at 7.30, woke at 12 - 1, slept 1-4.30 then back asleep at 5.30-7. I see him on the monitor pop his head up look at the door. One point he did that and laid back down straight to sleep couldn’t believe it! Also around 6 I heard him hitting the bars/head road. Was making noises but not crying so for once I left him and he went back to sleep. I figured he isn’t hurt, not crying, still breathing etc even though he was up against headboard. Last night I also used some teething powder before bed and he had crap naps yesterday totalling only 2 hours so who knows what made the difference!

@luw7797 how did you get on last night?

It will pass. Bringing her back in with you won't be forever. I can't remember when I moved my first into her own room, but it was probably close to 18 months and after we did she pretty much slept fine in her own room.

How about not going all or nothing? It sounds like you're near her room in the evening, so you can respond to her quickly, but what about bringing her in with you at the first wake up once you're in bed?

@Tiredmamma123 why do you think first nap needs to be 90mins? 30/60 is fine.
If you are doing lots of long contact naps during the day baby may be eating less than they might otherwise and be more likely to wake from hunger over night. Also may need less sleep overnight.

@ExcitingRicotta juat from looking at wake windows and nap times eg on huckleberry app it gives some examples of schedules. Obviously I go by his cues as well. We don’t do a lot of contact naps, just the naps he does have are contact naps, eg before on 3 naps were all on me. Now we’re on 2 naps I am working at putting him down so I make sure his first nap is in his cot in his room, he normally wakes around 45 minutes when I want him to nap about 90. Sometimes I can rescue it sometimes not. The second nap I contact nap to try get a good nap length. Food wise he eats a lot, never been a big fan of milk but will eat food non stop.

@EdithGrantham the priority was to get her in her own room but I think now we all just do need more sleep. We’ve put a travel cot into our room now and I’ve ordered a space saver cot to replace it with as I’m pretty sure travel costs aren’t recommended long term. Currently trying to start off the night in her room and bring her in when we go to bed. Unfortunately her room is tiny, literally box room, we have her cot bed, a single wardrobe and a chair in there and there is only enough space left for the door to open! Hopefully this start in her room bring into ours will give us our freedom but help her sleep.

@ExcitingRicotta You're definitely right we need to be aiming for first nap in the cot. Hoping to use a childminder in the next few months so sadly the contact napping habit will have to end. She falls asleep in my arms, I’ve never had any success with drowsy but awake or similar techniques to get her to go to sleep in the cot. She doesn’t have a comforter as I worry about it in regards to safe sleep. I know I could take it away once she’s got to sleep but I wonder if that’s making a rod for my own back, will I wake her up trying to prise it away?

@Unexpectedlysinglemum sorry to hear you’re going through the same! It’s so tough isn’t it. My baby has never been a great sleeper but we were down to two wakes a night so it’s rough to go back to such rough nights

@Lavender14 glad to hear things have gotten better for you! I do try to let her play in her room but it’s so tiny she has to go in the cot to play. I bring her toys in but I do worry she just sees it as baby prison! I have broken the consistency now but starting her in her room and then bringing her back in with us when we go to sleep but I hope that at least starting the night in there will help her to get used to it. She 100% is going through lots of developmental changes, it’s lovely to see but I do miss my sleep. I know it will get better in time. I have considered Co-sleeping. I used to very against it but as she’s gotten bigger I feel it would be safer. I’d only want to do it the safest possible way with a floor bed etc but we have an ottoman bed that we store a lot of our stuff in and I’m not sure where that would all go if we switched to a floor bed, plus we don’t really have the money atm unfortunately. I also worry Co-sleeping will become a habit we can’t break. I feel like I see a lot of co-sleeping parents still having to co-sleep at 1, 2 even 3 years old.

@CocoPlum yes your suggestion is essentially what we’ve gone for. Bringing her back in once we go to bed in hopes of longer stretches. It’s not gone great so far as we’re using a travel cot but I’ve ordered a space saver cot in the hopes she takes to that better

@Tiredmamma123 last night was awful! Even with her in with us in her travel cot she wasn’t having it. We’ve had split nights the last few, about 2am she’s not gone back to sleep for an hour+. So so happy to hear last night went better for you though! Hoping my little one follows suit!

The 8 month sleep regression isn’t it fun 😩 No advice sadly but commenting as we are the same! Goes down in her own cot about 7pm then will wake around 11/12 ish without fail. Settled and asleep again in minutes but absolutely cannot put her back down in the cot. I would attempts 3 plus times to no avail. So I’ve decided to do what’s best for us all to get more sleep and she comes in our actual bed and co sleeps after the first get up. We are lucky to have a super king bed and I have a bed guard so she sleeps between me and that. Very few other cultures put such onus on infants sleeping independently so I asked myself why am I bothering?? I get my evenings to relax untill the first get up then we are all well rested. How can that be a bad thing?? I know friends who religiously had baby sleeping in there own cot from 6 months old that are awful sleepers as toddlers with nightly bed time battles, so it seems the seperate room doesn’t help, the personality of the baby does!!

I hope eventually she will start with longer and longer stretches in her bed untill is the full night- no 15 year old still bed shares… right??