Can’t keep doing this !!

[Rachaelc1981]

I’m not sure how much more of my situation I can take ! My 2.5 year old son goes to bed fine, he falls asleep in my arms with a night light and white noise and I place him into cot. But by 1/2am he wakes up crying, he falls back to sleep in my arms and once he is in deep enough sleep I “attempt” to put him back into bed and instantly wakes up so I try again for the same to happen, I let him go into a deep enough sleep before trying to put him into bed. But eventually I am so tired and my husband needs to sleep as he works I give up and bring him downstairs and he sleeps the rest of the night on top of me on sofa ! He doesn’t move a muscle but then wakes anywhere from 5.30am onwards. But he doesn’t gradually wake up, he opens his eyes and he springs up asking for tv on etc. This has been happening since he was too big for his Moses basket so we are talking nearly 2 years ! I am absolutely exhausted and I’m so much pain with my back lying on sofa. Any ideas on how to keep him in his bed so I could get into my bed would be greatly appreciated. Thank you in advance

I had this with my daughter. She was an awful sleeper, had to sit with her till she fell asleep then she would wake up at 2am for a couple of hours then back to sleep for the remainder in my bed. Husband moved to the spare room during the week for work then we would swap.

I think that if you can get your son to fall asleep on his own then you will find the rest falls into place. When they wake and realise you aren't there they will search for you. It also doesn't help that you share a room so he can see you.

As you can't do anything about the room set up, then I would try to not cuddle him to sleep and see what happens.

Definitely stop positively reinforcing this by watching the telly. Bedtime should be boring!

I hope you get some sleep

Co-sleep in your bed. Surely it has to be safer then sleeping on the sofa. Also if your son can climb out of his cot, the sides have to come off.

@Rachaelc1981 i don’t know why everyone is fussing about a cot - my DS is 2 years 9 months and only moved into a toddler bed a month or so ago.

anyway, you have my sympathy as my DS used to be just like this: went to sleep like an angel but would wake and refuse to go back in his cot. I would have to take him back to bed with me and I’d get no sleep at all with him squirming and kicking! We sleep trained at 18 months. It took one night and that night was awful but honestly it’s been for the long term best. I think this is what you may need to do, it’s about breaking habits for their sake as well as yours.

That’s great thank you. It has quite a few health benefits as well. Going to get some and try them out. Thank you for sharing that information

In your circumstances I would just co-sleep, you'll all get good sleep then.

The weight of sleep is heaviest at the start of the night, then it progressively gets lighter throughout the night. That’s why children are in such a deep sleep to start then wake up and can’t always go back to sleep in early hours

he goes to sleep in your arms so when he wakes up not in your arms it’s scary for him. He needs to fall asleep where he’ll be all night long

considering giving him supplements instead of a proper bedtime and nighttime routine is crazy

Agree, dosing him with magnesium isn't fair, his body needs to learn how to sleep and stay asleep on his own, you need to cultivate ways to make that work, not dose him with magnesium.. Think of him as growing up and needing to be able to have these sleep skills when he's older.. Now is the time to set it right..

Bedroom set up sounds less than ideal but in that case I’d get a bigger bed for you and DH and put him in with you both, on your side, with a bed guard. Baby proof the room and stair gate your door. The only other alternative I can think of is to do cry based sleep training.

I don’t think any scenario where he falls asleep in your arms and is transferred is ever going to work even if you dose him up with magnesium (wtf). When he comes into a lighter sleep in the early hours of course he’s going to realise and you’d be exactly the same so I’m not sure why you’re expecting so much from him. Imagine for a moment that you fall asleep in your bed all comfy with your duvet and pillow but then stir at 3am and realise you’re on the floor, would you really just roll over and go back to sleep like nothing’s wrong? He needs to fall asleep where he’s going to stay asleep.

Sorry op but you have created this mess and you need to resolve it by getting a toddler bed for him and starting a brand new routine.
You need to be consistent and firm.
This doesn't mean being absent as he goes to sleep. I read my son books until he is asleep but at least he does it on his own bed. Sometimes he sleeps through and sometimes he comes into bed with me. I do t mind that as he falls straight back to sleep.

But you must stop taking him to the sofa and laying there with him. That's ridiculous

This is so unfair on you. You work too. And you deserve some uninterrupted and restful sleep- your poor back 😞

Before you start supplementing, you need to get a proper bedtime routine. He needs to learn to fall asleep in his own bed, not asleep in your arms. That's why he's not settling when he wakes up in the night, as he's used to being in your arms.

Years ago we consulted a sleep expert and they advised focusing on the first fall asleep as that has a cascading effect on the rest of the night. If they stir and their situation doesn't match how they fell asleep, they wake. So when he stirs, his body realises you're gone, so he needs you back. If you focus on that first falling asleep being in his cot, it should improve his later wakes. It sounds random but it worked for us. There's a chapter in the Ferber book on this too: if you woke up in a different place to where you fell asleep you'd freak out too.

You need to stop letting him sleep in your arms he needs to go off alone, he wakes up thinking where has mum gone then doesn't sleep properly again because he knows you will put him down again! It will take a few days and maybe some tears but if you want better sleep it's a must.

You're going to have to ditch the cot with in the next month or so anyway so why not do it now? He needs to settle in a bed by himself or Co sleep with you.

I've not read all the replies but I think the significant bit here is that he needs to learn to fall asleep on his own. When he wakes in the night he can't fall back asleep without you there because he's never practiced it. I'd do some sleep training personally, it can be quite gentle, e.g. disappearing chair method etc.

No need to move to a bed just yet.

Our son was like this. He’s been in a double bed now since he was 2 (he’s now 4) then when he wakes in the night my partner goes and gets into bed with him and they both sleep the rest of the night in DS’s bed

Wherever he sleeps, he needs to learn to fall asleep on his own, not on you, and he will then settle himself back to sleep easier in the night. I'd look at finding the space for a bed or at least his own space for the cot for him asap.
Falling asleep on you obviously isn't working if he is waking in the night so much.

Although I agree with PP's regarding a bed or cosleeping etc, if you're unable to make those changes / not willing to sleep train, and so have to persist with the current set up, there is research that says the optimum time to hold your sleeping baby before transferring them is 10 mins and that's really helped for us.

Our 8 month old can seem in the deepest sleep but unless we wait the 10 mins he'll wake up crying the second I try and transfer. After the 10 mins and I can even just plonk him down as he's so deeply asleep.

Hope that helps in the interim until you can change the sleeping arrangements.

Thank you for your reply. I didn’t know about the 10 minutes so thank you for that. Because I can change bed or sleeping space just yet I will try this thank you

Hi op, if you can't fit a single bed in could you just put the cot matress on the floor or do this? Pin on Ziggy the Zygote (pinterest.co.uk)

Then you can get him to sleep with you lying next to him cuddling him and you won't have to transfer him. I'm sure it will be the waking up in a cot, not your arms that is causing the problems.

Some of these replies are downright cold!

OP, have you considered a low floor bed big enough for you to lay down next to him instead of in your arms for sleep? That's what I've been doing since my LO was about 1.5 and it works lovely!
She wakes up once in the night around about the same time, 1/2am and I can just tuck her back in and roll out again if needed but we've got to the point I can just sit next to her now.

I love

instagram.com/heysleepybaby?igshid=MzRlODBiNWFlZA==

HeySleepyBaby on Instagram, she's got some great advice for free if you don't want to buy her course (I never did and she helped me loads)

NOBODY sleeps through the night, and I don't think children should be made to "self soothe" especially when they're clearly not ready!