Aaargh! 2.7 yr old DD waking in the night, tell me I'm doing the right thing, my resolve is weakening!

[dizietsma]

Since about 8 months old DD had slept through the night with little problem.

Recently she's been waking up at all hours (1.30am - 4.30am last night) and trying everything to stay up. "I need this teddy, no, not that teddy the other one, I've lost my dummy, I've lost my penny (for real), I need a hug, I need a kiss, I need a book, put the light on" etc, etc. Foolishly, we initially indulged these little fiats. Now we're getting wiser.

So DH and I decided that we'd try "rapid return" House of Tiny Tearaways stylee. Last night was the third time we tried it, my god, the girl has some stamina. She was wailing and crying at full volume for ages and I felt like a complete bastard. "Oh no, not again!" she'd wail as we picked her up and put her in bed again, as well as all the usual "I need -" strategies. Finally she fell asleep at 4.30am and the woke up a mere 3 hrs later!

She seems completely knackered, but has been resisting all forms of sleep (no naps etc) for a while. Could it be that she just doesn't need as much sleep as we think? She's always slept in complete darkness, but seems to want the light on now, so should we try a nightlight? Or is it just a way of staying up and playing about? Am I, in fact, a callous bastard?

Help me, wise MNetters!

my ds has always awoken through night

i found by leaving hall light on he will settle himself back down

also found smily face chart on wall big smily face for going to bed properly

also if he goes to sleep at 8 he will sleep through if he goes earlier guaranteed he will wake

someone gave me a tip on slice of toast at bedtime apparently helps them settle well at 7 i'll pop him into bed with video and slice of toast and milk somewhere around 8 he will doze off and asleep all night

we had sleep therapist as when he was atround 2 had nightmare and never slept through again and ended up on ready bed in our room

one of the tips to get him back off in his room is ignore completely pop back into bed sit with your back to them by door so they can see you and within 5 mins he'd be off to sleep again

i did find he often woke hungry but toast before bed seems to stop that

my ds used to love the dark but all of a sudden couldnt settle again wanted light on so we leave hall light on does help

but main thing ignore and just put back to bed if really tired just do the sitting on the floor room fairly dark ignore but just so they have comfort of knowing youtr there they go off quicker and happier than having to keep going back and forth

good luck my ds 2.10 and sleeps through 4 out of 7 nights now so huge improvement other night he'll be in our room at about 3 on ready bed but i dont mind as he will sleep in till 7.30 on there

You're doing the right thing.

DS has never slept through the night. I did rapid return, after about 5 days he got the hint. No eye contact, no talking, nothing. Also, I made sure he had a drink of water by his bed so no excuses of being thirsty.

Now he's 5 he knows bedtime is at 7, he can do whatever he likes in his room after this as long as he doesn't come out and bother me. He's usually asleep by 8 or 8:30pm.

You are not a callous bastard. They will try anything to see if it gets your attention. Just keep doing what you've been doing, maybe with some kind of reward for good sleeping until she's back in a routine.

bubblagirl you put your DS to bed with a video and slice of toast! What's wrong with stories?

i do do stories but we had to do a detatchment thing as woke all the time through night wanting me and only me

sleep therapist suggested to try and do a detatchment so i read story then leave the room with video and then go in and turn video off and he is able to settle himself its only a short term until he realises mummy doesnt stay with him

as this has been going on for so long and its whatever works at the moment

hopefully given few weeks he will be able to settle himself fully and we can go back to me gradually spending longer in room

i know sounds terrible but its taken along time for him to be able to sleep through and this is whats working at the moment means i get to sleep too

but ewe shall be able to finish night with story as soon as his doing 5 nights in bed as we would have cracked it then but we do have story time but then i have to leave so he knows i dont need to be thewre its so he can learn to settle without me he is bit behind on his understanding so not able to rationalise like other dc his age

Thanks for the perspective, bubbla! I suppose it seems hard for me 'cos she's always been so good about it.

I may try sitting in with her if things look unresolvable, but I'm just worried it'll end up in more and more concessions as I think she's been trying it on as it is.

Will try leaving the hall light on as well.

Thanks for reassuring me that I'm not callous, I just feel so bad when she's so upset about it.

just be consistant and dom what works best for you my ds routine isnt conventional but sleep therapist has to do a detachment with my ds

as if i sit with him and do story and he falls asleep through story he expects me to be there every time he wakes

this was really hard so now we do story then i pop video on and then at certain time turn video off and he'll settle himself

and 90% of time sleeps through night but if i do story he will wake every hour and want me to be there

so it works well how we do it he still gets mummy for story time and now relises i leave the room

knows when tv goes off and sleeps through

sometimes other people dont see that as being good but i'm taking advise from proffessionals who see its a detatchment thing we need to do

and once he learns to settle himself fully then i can do the settling last thing with a story again

stress of not sleeping and everything caused me to start losing my hair as so tired thats why we have to do what were doing and it helps him learn to settle him self

It might be a seperation anxiety. Has she had new things happen recently? New sibling, moved house, started nursery? She might need some reassurance. Other thing is - does she need the toilet? DD1 is not a great sleeper, but TBH it is mostly linked to needing the toilet. We have water nearby, really encourage 'snugglies' and never take her out of the room unless she is ill during the night. We have a nightlight so that when she wakes up she can look around and see that everything is as it should be and mummy and daddy are close by (adn sister is snoring soundly). A bit of coaching on how she should deal with waking up might help - i.e. most nights I remind DD1 that if she wakes up she shoudl just snuggle down wtih her snuggly toy and go back to sleep (all the stuff about lookigna round the room etc and realising she is in her own comfy bed).

Star chart might also work once things start improving. I guess you need to suss out the cause first and tackle some of that - i.e. her imagination could be running wild in the dark - so a nightlight could help.

Good luck! I know how frustrating it is not to get a nights sleep!

It's almost certainly separation anxiety, she's just started going to playgroup 2x a week where I leave her for 2.5 hours. She loves it, but it's obviously stirred things up in her.

She's still in nappies, so it's not needing the loo. I will try coaching her on what to do when she wakes up. Star charts are not meant to be too effective with the under 3's so I'm not to sure about using that technique.

We've always had a strong bedtime routine, get in pj's, read a book, say goodnight to her beatrix potter pictures, kisses then lay down, but she obviously wants more reassurance. I'm not sure what I can do to reassure her, in the end. More cuddles? More books? I think she'd just interpret it as us giving way to her procrastinating demands.

smily face chart is great my ds started this at 2.6 he loved getting his smily faces never put nanything bad

just drew up a chart and put days and lines straght down and said you have been so good you get a smily face and he loved it mentioned eating dinner well going to bed well laying down like a big boy etc

well done for staying in bed you get smily face worked real well just a praise chart and they thrive on praise

good luck