Getting him used to the cot - help please!

[FebMama]

Okay little backstory.

Almost 8 month old. We have co-slept for pretty much the last 4 months. Hes very tactile, loves cuddles, loves to know I'm there with him - holding hands, touching my face for reassurance etc.

I'm going back to work very soon so decided it was time to do the cot transition.

We are 3 nights in (still very early days I know), but sleep is an absolute myth at the moment.

Please please give me your best tips!!! 😭

No tips but exactly the same here except he was in a next to me.

my baby is 8 months and last week we have put in his own room in the cot. I don’t know what’s going on but I think because of all the extra room he’s turning and moving so much it’s waking him whereas before he was quite snug. Driving me crazy, he wakes every hour! good luck I’m hoping it passes soon for both of us!

I used a method from Baby Wisperer Solves All Your Problems book (a more humane version of control crying). You watch for your baby's signs of tiredness (rubbing their eyes, pulling their hair). You take the baby to the bedroom and lie them in a cot. Then listen carefully to their cry. ONLY PICK UP WHEN CRY BECOMES HYSTERICAL. Basically you are saying "you are not on your own. However getting yourself to sleep is your job not mine". So you only pick up when crying becomes hysterical, not a second sooner. (If they go quiet the second you pick them up - you definitely pick up too soon). Comfort them on your shoulder(no food), then put them down again. Repeat until they fall asleep. I only tried this method because I was a walking zombie by 8 months. The 1st session lasted1.5 hours. Then he slept for 3 hours. I felt terrible however my baby woke up in a very good mood. It got better after that. He started going to sleep on his own after 3 days and going for 5-8 hours at night (rather than waking me up every hour to breastfeed). I would say you have to be pretty desperate to try this method. The advantage over regular control crying is that your baby definitely knows you are close, just not prepared to carry on with the usual routine. (You can keep one hand on the baby while they are crying but no talking). I hope it helps

@Tiredmamma123 snap! We're almost at every hour wake ups too. Really struggling to get through the day, I'm knackered!

@Tiredbehyondbelief thank you so much for this. Funny you should say this, I tried a similar technique today. I figured something needs to change quickly given I'm at work soon.

So this morning for his first nap of the day, I did the usual blackout blind, white noise, sleeping bag and said sleepy time and gave him a kiss and cuddle and put him in his cot. He cried, a LOT. Probably for about 25 mins on and off before he fell asleep. But I was checking on him at regular intervals and would go into his room to pick him up and soothe him. He then slept for 2 hours and I had to wake him up as we needed to go and collect his brother from pre-school.

Fast forward to his afternoon nap, I did the same pre-nap routine and he whinged (no crying) for 5 minutes before falling asleep. Hes still asleep now and it's been 1 hour.

Both times without a dummy I should add (and he's very reliant on the dummy but it's becoming more of a problem at the moment with wake ups).

So I am really hoping this is the start of things to come. I know it's very early days though and things could be very different come bedtime tonight 😂😂

‘He cried, a LOT. Probably for about 25 mins on and off before he fell asleep.’

This is really sad. He’s a young baby. It’s natural for him to want to be close to you.

Well that's helpful. You missed the bit where he then went down much more easily for his second nap.

You just need to persevere op, reassure and be on hand but he sleeps in the cot. Within a couple of days he'll associate it with sleep.

Anything to do with letting a baby cry slightly brings out the hair shirt attachment parenting brigade. If co sleeping doesn't work for you, it's fine to change and your baby will just take a few days to adjust.

It's in everyone's best interests for your child to be well rested without you feeling resentful about the process!

You missed the bit where he then went down much more easily for his second nap.

Does that diminish the distress he went though then?

It’s strange how adults like to co-sleep (with a partner) but expect a young baby to want to sleep alone.

@GodspeedJune oh god there's always one isn't there. Not that it's any of your business, but I was more than happy co sleeping and would have continued had it not been for me going back to work very soon.

@fearfuloffluff thank you for the support and kind words.

As I said, I went in and reassured him regularly. And you're absolutely right. A few days of a bit of upset (for both of us, because it isn't easy for us parents too!), will eventually lead to a well rested mother and baby and a lot more contentment all round as opposed to everything that comes with sleep deprivation.

Today I have a much happier baby who has had two very good naps. Its allowed me to get some rest, time to myself and spent some quality time with my toddler which for me, outweighs a bit of crying. My baby was fed, changed, clean and well - and there's no way I would have attempted what I did today if those things weren't in place.

I shall persevere 😊

@FebMama carry on going it seems to be working.

I tried yesterday with the first nap, in his cot, sleeping bag, dark white noise etc. cried so much he was sick! I might try the method mentioned about where you pick them up and soothe them. See if that works. Well done though especially with the dummy!

@Tiredmamma123 that's what I did today. Although he cried on and off for 25 mins for the first nap, I kept going in and would pick him up and just reassure him/shhh him. I think I went in about 3 times in the 25 mins.

Please let me know how you get on? Bedtime is coming up soon so I'll keep you posted as to how it goes for us!

Curious here as we cosleep and certainly not planning on stopping when I go back to work -- why does going back to work affect wanting to cosleep?

@Tiredmamma123 crying till he was sick?! Poor mite would have thought you'd abandoned him. That's awful. I'll never get how people can do this to the babies they love.

Tbh we just used to put our son down asleep in the cot then when he woke we brought him to our bed to cosleep the rest of the night. Gradually the time spent in his cot increased, and now he's in there all night.

I'd say the cosleeping carried on until he was about 16mo or so and that was the best option for everyone to get sleep at the time!

@BurbageBrook because despite co-sleeping, sleep was still disturbed and I won't be able to function working full time in my role on such broken sleep.
With my first, I also co-slept until around the same age and we all got much better quality sleep and general better wellbeing physically and mentally when he started to sleep independently in his own cot. Completely get some people like to continue co-sleeping and whilst I didn't mind whilst on maternity leave, it's not something I wish to continue to do.