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I'm a bad mum

4 replies

idonotwantaname · 18/09/2023 00:38

just that

My son is 7, he's disabled and Iv just gave up today
Spent 7 whole weeks alone with him for holidays, we didn't leave the house to do anything once just the odd walk, he screams from the moment he wakes until he goes to bed LITERALLY and I mean screams. And I say bed.... he goes down for 2 hours then back up screaming so all in all the only break I get from his screams are about 5 hours max a night when he sleeps. I get zero help from anyone, dad is absolutely useless he can't cope with him what so ever so an hour hear or their is his maxImum. I never get a break anyway
doctors aren't sure what's causing the screams (sounds like something from a horror movie when he gets going) we're trying medication for him but nothing touches him, what he has would put a grown man to sleep an he still screams through it just nothing at all satisfys him.
We try go visit family an he screams non stop so we leave, we went for a walk in the woods yesterday, he screams for a whole 2 hours, We used to drive around in the car but it's now to dangerous as he takes his belt off (he's strapped into a toddler chair with a harness for safety to) but he still stands up on the floor whilst attached to the toddler chair an he lashes out etc. Iv been refused 13 times from SS so that's no help, he has resbite once every 3 months for 2 nights and it just isn't enough ?
We're both struggling so so much it's unreal an no one gets it! I'm just sat here crying why he's throwing himself around my bed lashing out, I can't take anymore and I know he can't, what's making him scream like this? His little body is bruised from the things he's doing, from being restrained as he's so god damn strong
No one is giving us any help, advice, no one knows what to do. Iv hit a wall, im on 0 sleep im mentally broken and I just wish it wasn't like this! Wish I could take it away fro him I'd go to the end of the world an back to take this screaming away from him so he can enjoy life again, it's just took over completely.
I feel the worlds worst mum as Iv just switched off from his screaming today and feel like I'm having a pitty party? I'm not well, have a huge abscess in my face and have shocking migraines that Iv never had before an my back is on the brink of going due to him been physically dependent on me also.
Sorry for the rant I'm just broken today, Iv actually broke.

OP posts:
peeinthepool · 18/09/2023 01:06

I didn't want to read and run OP. I can't advise you but just to say you are not a bad mum you are amazing. Flowers

Greensleeves · 18/09/2023 01:15

You're not a bad mum, you're just utterly burnt out and overwhelmed. Anybody would be. What's happening to you is torture. It's unconscionable that we as a society have not managed to create a system which gives families like yours the support they need. All I can suggest is that you keep badgering; SS, your gp, A&E if you feel like you've reached crisis point. I know you're knackered and it just sounds like more fighting, but resources are so painfully scarce, you have to be the squeaky wheel. Sending a big squashy hug Flowers

Vallencia · 18/09/2023 01:22

Absolutely not a bad mum. This would test the best of us. Sounds unbearable. Absolutely keep banging the drum with ss for more support, see your gp tomorrow for you tell them you're burnt out. I think absolutely anyone would dealing with that day after day. Poor you, and poor your ds, sounds so distressing Flowers

Vallencia · 18/09/2023 01:25

Does he go to a school? How do they manage?

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