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Sleep

Join our Sleep forum for tips on creating a sleep routine for your baby or toddler. Need more advice on your childs development? Sign up to our Ages and Stages newsletter here.

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Original poster

Think we're going to start sleep training tomorrow. Feel sad, relieved and nervous.

48 replies

NoviceKnitter · 04/03/2008 08:52

DD is 8 mo and still waking every half an hour (at least) throughout the evenings and quite a lot at night too. Parenthood has brought out the inner hippy in me and we've co-slept since birth, which I've loved. But since she hit 6 months her sleep's got much worse and we are seriously knackered. I have little time to cook her food, collect my thoughts or hang out with DP. So, tomorrow night we are - I think - going to start trying to train her to fall asleep on her own. For this she's going to have to move into her cot, and there will be crying, though I won't be leaving her alone. I don't really want to do this at all, but I feel we've got to the point where we don't have a choice. Just wanted to share. Any support, positive experiences, tips, or anything else would be lovely to hear.

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CaptainKarvol · 04/03/2008 08:54

This didn't work for us, but I wish it had - it's an AP-friendly sleep training guide.
Dr Jay Gordon on sleep training. It may be worth a look?

StealthPolarBear · 04/03/2008 08:57

thanks for that link! I loved "Their babies tend to breastfeed for more than one year and they don't sleep through the night any better than most of us would if we napped and cuddled within inches of the best restaurant in town and knew it was open 24 hours a day."
Going to read it in more detail now.

Hillbilly · 04/03/2008 13:30

I have used the Baby Whisperer Pick up/put down method on my dd and am currently using it on my ds. Huge success with my dd when she was 7 months. She went from being a terrible sleeper to the best I could ever wish for. My ds is 4 months and seems to be improving too.

All I can say is don't give up on it as then you just go back to square one if not worse.

orangina · 04/03/2008 13:41

I found dh to be the best sleep trainer, as he didn't have that incredibly emotional gut response to ds's crying. I felt it like pain after a while and somehow NEEDED to go to comfort him. He (ds) had got so knackered with not sleeping properly at night (he had been a perfectly fine sleeper before but illness and teeth had screwed things up a bit...), so I knew that he needed the training as much as we did (I was slightly at the end of my tether tbh...). It took 3-4 days (I forget), and dh did it while I took to the spare room and put whopping great ear plugs in. Worst bout of crying was about 15 minutes, which can of course feel like a whole night. Also, recently, more teeth issues with ds, have found that if I sit up in bed w the light on and do a crossword or something to ride out the wingeing, it's easier than lying in bed in the dark wondering if its safe to go back to sleep again.....

Hope that helps? Good luck!

Original poster

NoviceKnitter · 04/03/2008 13:46

Thanks CK - looks good tho don't know if i can wait till she's one. What worked for you in the end?

Thanks Hillbilly too - how long did it take you? We gave that ago early doors but after an hour and DP doing his back in we decided against - might be time to revisit...

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Original poster

NoviceKnitter · 04/03/2008 13:49

Thanks Orangina - that makes sense and I have also considered handing over to DP, but feel a bit like DD and I need to sort this out ourselves, as so far she has had completely free access to the breast. Also totally know what you mean about the LO needing it as much as the parents. She never fully wakes, just cries in her sleep and rubs her head, then crashes out once back on the breast. She wants to be asleep as much as we want her to - she just doesn't have a clue how to do it. I just want to find a way to help her that doesn't feel like I've suddenly and randomly changed all the rules...

Has anyone successfully sleep trained and been able to carry on co-sleeping?

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orangina · 04/03/2008 13:54

yes, your situation (co sleeping breast feeder) completely different to mine. Are you intending to carry on co-sleeping? Perhaps you need to get her into her own room/cot first and then do the sleep training?
(Have nothing constructive to say I'm afraid!)

Original poster

NoviceKnitter · 04/03/2008 13:56

Yes think she'll have to go into cot. Just feel a bit sad about that but think it's probably the only way...

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orangina · 04/03/2008 14:00

Just think about the potential for uninterrupted nights sleeping for you both, and perhaps you won't feel quite so sad.....
(I think you're right btw...)

Original poster

NoviceKnitter · 04/03/2008 14:02

Yeah, I think we'll all feel better for it. Any change is scary when it's interrupting the flow but flow not great right now.
Thank you - hope your sleep is now good!

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midnightexpress · 04/03/2008 14:10

NoviceKnitter we were in a similar position to you a few months ago - ds2 was co-sleeping. Or co-'sleeping' rather - awake most of the night suckling and I was just exhausted. We did some sleep training with him, mostly with DP going in to comfort him. It took a couple of nights only. He's still not the best sleeper, but most nights if he wakes before 3 or 4 DP can get him back down quite easily, and after that I will give him a feed and usually get him to go back to sleep in his cot for an hour or two after that. When he's well/not teething/tired enough, he'll usually sleep till 3ish or 4ish now (from about 8pm). Moving him to the cot wasn't nearly astraumatic as I had feared.

We usually end up co-sleeping at the end of the night for an hour or two, which has been a really nice way to break gradually from the co-sleeping.

Original poster

NoviceKnitter · 04/03/2008 14:15

Oh lovely to hear from you midnightexpress, was hoping someone in similar boat would come along. How old was your ds? how long did it take for DP to comfort him? Glad to hear it wasn't traumatic. Some of the AP sites are VERY discouraging about any sleep training before 1. But like you I'm wiped out.

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monkeytrousers · 04/03/2008 14:19

Just wanted to say good luck.

chunglimum · 04/03/2008 14:22

We're just doing the Jay Gordon way now (we're co-sleeping breastfeeders!) and last night she slept from 7.45 until 10.15 and then 10.30 until 5.30 for the first time in 15 months (she's just 2). I've been so ambivalent but now it feels like such a relief. Fingers crossed that she'll sleep through tonight. I found his approach the most useful although I also did a lot from the "No Cry Sleep Solution" as well. Good luck all!

midnightexpress · 04/03/2008 14:24

He was about 9 months (now 13 months) iirc. The first night he was a bit miserable for about an hour the first time he woke up and then I think woke once more. And the second night it was shorter, and then the third night he slept until about 5am. We find that he does 'relapse' from time to time, especially when ill, which I would expect anyway, but I find that I can co-sleep again for a few nights (or for part of the night) and then put him back in the cot when he's better - it's not 'all or nothing' iyswim. He just likes a good snuggle when he's feeling ropey.

orangina · 04/03/2008 14:31

I found that the training was more traumatic for me when I had reached that real rock bottom of tiredness.... I would think I was damaging him, he needed comfort that I was denying him, that i was a selfish mother putting my own needs before his (his elder sister was and still is a completely fab sleeper, so never had this with her), etc, etc.... BUT, when he is sleeping properly (and he still does occasionally have bad nights, when ill or teething...), he is SO HAPPY all the time. I pop him in bed at night, and he more or less smiles, waves, laughs and conks out. Definitely worth the few nights of blubbing (though he could work up a bit of a scream when he tried, augh!).
It helps to be sure about what he might need or not need and have it to hand (eg, if teething, have teething granules, mouth gel, calpol etc handy), so that you are not trying to get your brain into gear in the middle of the night wondering if he/she needs milk/nappy change/calpol/cuddle/entertainment...

Best of luck, your life will change with enough sleep

Original poster

NoviceKnitter · 04/03/2008 14:36

Hi Chunglimum - we've found the No Cry Sleep Solution a bit light for DD - been trying to delatch her for a month but she knows what she wants! Would you have done the Jay Gordon way earlier? Would you have thought 8 months too early? Not that I think we've got a choice.

Thanks midnightexpress - nice to no it's not a one way street, and glad it's going well for you now.

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Original poster

NoviceKnitter · 04/03/2008 14:37

Thanks orangina - yes, i know i'll be a better mum and we'll all be happier when we've had some decent sleep!

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Original poster

NoviceKnitter · 04/03/2008 14:57

thanks monkeytrousers i'll let you know how it goes!

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snooks · 04/03/2008 15:11

We sleep trained ds1 when he was about 9 months (memory a tad hazy, he's now 3.5).

I know that it worked and it was kind of easier actually doing it than thinking about doing it, if that makes sense? I suppose because we were actively addressing the problem rather than just suffering iykwim?

One tip (I think something similar was mentioned earlier) is to prepare for those midnight hours when you will (or your dp) be lying there in the dark listening to your lo crying - believe me, even 3 mins of crying feels like 3 hours!! Lying in the dark and watching the clock can be excruciating and I found the best way to make it bearable was to actually sit up in bed with a lamp on, (obviously in your room, not theirs), with a flask of tea/hot ribena and a book/mag. Still timing the minutes but rather than just lying there watching the tick-tock crawl by it made it 100% easier (she says with her rose-tinted specs on).

Best of luck!

chunglimum · 04/03/2008 15:13

Hi NK. It's so tough but I think even the guy who "invented" controlled crying now says he wouldn't use it before 12 months (contraversial, I know and I'm not trying to have a go at any one here, I know what sleep deprivation feels like). It didn't feel right to me until now. But that's probably not what you're proposing - crying whilst being cuddled by either parent is quite different, I think. I have an advantage in that she has a brief but intense tantrum but then says she wants to go to sleep. When I had to briefly stop feeding when she was twelve months, she sobbed for hours and it was heartbreaking. Last night was the third night of completely refusing milk. From talking to others, it does seem to take three nights, whenever you do it and knowing that does help to get you through. I'd persevere with the delatching but as I said I've been ambivalent until now when neither she nor I are coping with such little sleep. Apparently some people do co-sleep afterwards but I don't think we will (once I've got her to go to sleep in a cot...) good luck

Original poster

NoviceKnitter · 04/03/2008 15:24

Thanks Snooks - good to know this will be a hazy memory one day!

Chunglimum, yes, wouldn't do controlled crying or in separate room at this stage. and probably wouldn't do it at all if it didn't feel like she was herself so troubled by not being able to sleep for longer. It's literally every half an hour - or more - from 7 till 12 - with her very agitated in her sleep, then constant sucking all night. So tough but think we have to crack on...

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annaleena · 04/03/2008 16:15

We are also planning to start sleeptraining this weekend, DD is 13 months, sleeps in her own cot but wakes up constantly for feeds and can take 1 hour before going back to sleep. We will now move the cot to her own room (have to get a black out blind first) and let her exercise those lungs... I've tried to ignore her before but she can scream easily 1 hour with DH, hence I think this will be very hard and DH thinks it's too early. But I wish we've done it earlier, now DS can stand up in her cot screaming so no chance of her falling asleep like that... I think we can make it, fingers crossed!

Original poster

NoviceKnitter · 04/03/2008 17:21

Yes annaleena, can't believe it gets easier with age but also couldn't have done it earlier...

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MegBusset · 04/03/2008 18:14

We did cc at 9 months. Had tried everything else including staying in his room while cuddling/patting but we were still getting 10+ wakings a night and screaming sessions of several hours at a time. CC was not nearly so tough as I feared, and worked within two nights. Looking back, I think some of the shushing/patting etc we tried (convinced that it would be wrong to leave him alone) just made it even harder for him to go to sleep!

He is the world's happiest and most affectionate 12mo now and sleeps like a dream. So if no other method works then cc really isn't a bad idea, ime.

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