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AIBU - my DH wakes me up every night

13 replies

MrsMum9 · 06/09/2023 14:40

AIBU - I’m a working mum of four children, my DH is retired (has been for c.10 years from the age of 56). I generate the majority of the household income, stressful senior job, look after all the finances and admin, do all the housework except cooking evening meal, generally have our younger children to entertain all weekend.

DH has a back/neck injury that he hasn’t been to the doctor about in c.2 years, refuses to take proper pain relief and follows his own exercise/physio plan (which the more medically informed tell me is causing more pain and will give him arthritis). I’ve told him to go to the doctor, see a private osteopath and he won’t.

He has started waking me up a couple of times every night doing his ‘physio’ in bed. I can’t get back to sleep, I’m exhausted, averaging about four hours a night. I asked him to stop doing it in bed and he says I don’t care about him.

Seriously about to tell him to sleep on the sofa - had enough, I’m such a walkover with him normally and he wins every argument because I hate a bad atmosphere. AIBU / uncaring?

Note - he does stay busy during the day as we have a few properties and he does all the maintenance / DIY and he’s amazing at it, but I get up at 7am and never sit down before 11pm so I’m flat out too.

OP posts:
user1483387154 · 06/09/2023 14:43

If you have a spare bedroom, use this, otherwise sofa is a good idea. Sleep deprivation is hard

Trickedbyadoughnut · 06/09/2023 14:43

OK, I'm sorry, I've got to say this: is he bringing anything good to this relationship? Because it sounds like you carry the entire burden for family life and he also doesn't give a shit about wrecking your sleep/health by waking you up.

AnOldCynic · 06/09/2023 14:45

I don't think the problem simply lies with him waking you up.... Why are you doing all the life admin and childcare?

Tell him to sort his back out or you are walking out, taking half his pension and the majority of your income. He should be sleeping on the couch. (Or the floor, it'll probably do his back good).

Sirzy · 06/09/2023 14:45

He needs to get up and do his exercises elsewhere

ErrolTheDragon · 06/09/2023 14:45

I asked him to stop doing it in bed and he says I don’t care about him.

Seems more like it's him that doesn't care about you.
YANBU. You need to sleep separately, somehow. I'm going to bet he won't take the sofa though.

MadamWhiteleigh · 06/09/2023 14:47

He doesn’t sound like a very good husband.

Ohthatsabitshit · 06/09/2023 14:50

Well why doesn’t he sleep somewhere else if you’re working the next day? Or why don’t you?

Ladybug14 · 06/09/2023 14:52

What positives does he bring to the table?

Sleep in another room

Stop enabling him being such a big baby

Tell him to fuck off

Gettingbysomehow · 06/09/2023 14:55

Stop being such a wet weekend and start telling him what you want and expect from him. I wouldn't put up with this kind of shit for 5 seconds.

MrsMum9 · 06/09/2023 22:07

Thanks everyone - truly appreciated, I am being too soft and I’ll put my foot down from tonight

OP posts:
AnOldCynic · 08/09/2023 22:29

How have you been sleeping @MrsMum9?

MrsMum9 · 09/09/2023 23:52

Much better - thanks for checking in. Love this group!

OP posts:
HarrietJet · 09/09/2023 23:53

Turf him out of the bedroom. What a selfish prick he is.

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