2yr old crying when put to bed

[auntyspan]

Both myself and DH are pulling our hair out - our DD is 2.1 and she has always been a pretty good sleeper, for the majority of the time. Since last week, seemingly without cause, she's become very clingy and upset when we put her down, demanding hugs and then when she's calm, we put her back in her cot(bed) and she starts screaming.

She's getting herself very distressed - on Thursday night she was up until 9:45pm as we kept having to go in every 15 minutes.

Do we leave her to cry it out? There's been no other change in her routine to cause this - other than a change in nursery room but that was 3 weeks ago.

Anyone have any tips or how to deal with this?

please if anyone can help I'm writing this in tears. She's so distressed.

I think at two they can get more anxious. Our ds who is a little older was a brilliant sleeper and could be left to go to sleep himself until Nov and two weeks of "bangs" (fireworks). Now he needs to be cuddled to sleep. I just find crying it out doesn't work for us and although the cuddling is time consuming it meets his needs for comfort and mine (not to have him so upset). Others will disagree. By the way he mostly sleeps through when he has gone down but hates the sound of the wind whistling and will sometimes come in with us when scared.

Our two year old did this too - I think it's a normal developmental stage but it's a bit of a shock when they've been sleeping through! She cried for three hours one night - it was so upsetting for all of us, and I really thought she was going to choke or be sick because she got so enraged and unhappy. We've got her to back to sleeping through and going down happily by gradually expanding the time between going in and reassuring her - you start going in after 5, then 10 , then fifteen mins and increase it gradually over a few days until the maximum of about 30 - 40 minutes. It really does work - it took about three days of perseverence in our case. It's in Dr Ferber's book 'Solve your child's sleep problems' which is great and was fervently recommended to me by a friend who'd been having similar problems. Don't worry - she'll be ok and it's normal!

does she have a nightlight? ikea do a good one, we always leave dd with 'the blue man' on, she finds him comforting.

She's still awake and won't let us out of the room. We've tried a nightlight and unfortuantely it doesn't make a difference.

As soon as we pick her up and hug her, she calms down and starts ordering us around, as she normally does - "drink of water" and "no cot no cot" and "daddy hug" - is she just trying it on?

I think they are just anxious but I am a big softy over this (though not other things). I hate sleeping by myself and sodo my three dds. But as I say I am soft and lay down with them until they fall asleep. Do you think she is frightened?

Sounds very familiar indeed, particularly the 'no cot' thing! I think you just have to grit your teeth and put up with the screaming for a couple of nights. Warn the neighbours if you live in a semi or terrace...! We had got to the point where she was sleeping with us most nights, which was rubbish as we never got any time alone and she slept diagonally across the bed so neither of us got any sleep either! (Some people like co-sleeping, and all power to them, but it really doesn't suit us.) I got myself a new novel, had Dr Ferber's book and my watch at the ready to time the intervals and put up with the screaming the first night until she eventually settled. It's pretty awful but sooo worth it - and she'll be much happier too if she gets a decent night's sleep in her own bed.

You need to decide you're really going to do it though - perhaps starting from tomorrow if you're feeling a bit knackered and emotional this evening? If you give up after a few hours then all the work/crying you've done before is wasted - I think that's why a lot of people say crying it out doesn't work for them. It didn't for us until we did it properly with the timed intervals. We set a date and stuck to it. Or rather I did - my husband slept through it all but I didn't mind ( too much!) . You're both supposed to take turns going in though, being very non committal and uncommunicative, just making sure she's ok and then leaving. Ideally you shouldn't get her out of the cot but we found that difficult as she stood bolt upright gripping the bars for dear life....

Good luck whatever you decide to do. I know sleep training is controversial but ultimately you've got to do what suits you and your family. For us the three nights of pain was worth it.

I should add, in case I sound totally cruel or heartless, that she now loves her room and her cot and goes down really easily! We had to do something about it because 5 yr old ds was being kept awake on school nights by dd. They're both much happier now they're getting a decent night's sleep.

just an update - thanks so much for all your messages.

We gritted our teeth last night and let her yell. She lasted 12 minutes - it was utterly heartbreaking but because we'd made the decision to do it, we were both resolute (we did something similar when we stopped her dummy at night). Anyway we both sat in the kitchen (neighbours warned - thanks Georgie!) grinding our teeth until she settled - as I said - about 12 minutes.

Tonight it was 7 minutes so feel utterly relieved. I'm sure it will take a few more nights but very glad we didn't let her wind us up. And yes agreed Georgie - cosleeping is not for us either.

Thanks ladies - as always MN has stopped me checking into the loony bin!

YES lapin you are a mindreader

Her top back molars have broken through the gums - didn't even know she was teething but sorta thought it might be a coincidence.... but maybe not..... hey I don't care I got 8 hours sleep last night!! Woo hoo!